The Fight For Love (Joshaya)

Chapter 54

  Knock, knock. Maya stands at Josh's dorm door, waiting for him to open it. She braces herself for whatever words he may say to her. If he wants to break up with her, she won't hold it against him; she probably deserves not to be dating anyone. However, if he happens by some miracle to want to stay with  her, then she doesn't care how it looks; she'll jump up and down for joy and wrap her arms around the best person she's ever met.

  As she continues to wait at the door, she begins contemplating the reality of she and Josh's relationship. How in the world do a girl like her and a guy like him work together in the adult world? She may think she's an adult, but she is the exact opposite. Josh deserves someone who is more mature than she is; he has his whole future in his hands. She knows he wants her to be a part of that future, but she feels like she may just hold him back from what he actually wants to do in his life.

  She recalls a familiar quote from her former best friend Riley: "If you love someone, let them go." What if she actually needs to let her boyfriend go? What if she needs to be the bigger person? She's never in her life been the bigger person. She's always thought she has been the bigger person, but instead, she has only been a snob. 

  Still waiting at the door, Maya faces away from it and slides against it to the floor.

  The door isn't opening, Maya thinks. It's probably a sign that she's not meant to talk with Josh and attempt to rekindle their relationship for what seems like the fiftieth time. Maybe she should just go over to Riley's apartment and try to rekindle that friendship.

  Standing up, Maya makes her way out of the dorm and sees Josh strolling towards her. She knows he's not expecting to talk with her right now and probably needs to get some homework done in his room.

  She steps aside on the sidewalk in hopes that he won't even notice that she's there and will continue walking. Of course that doesn't happen, though. Josh stops directly in front of her and sucks in his lips, contemplating what the best choice of action is.

  Maya can't take the awkward tension standing in between them, so she ignores her previous conversation with herself earlier and tugs on his shirt, pulling him in for long kiss.

  Slowly, he backs away from Maya and stares directly into her eyes, whispering, "Maya."

  "You are so amazing." Maya feels like an idiot for not being able to say anything better than that, but right now she is just in complete awe of him.

  "I've been thinking." 

  Maya freezes. There are those dreaded words that mean a breakup is encroaching upon the two of them. She remembers what she thought earlier and mentally prepares herself for what is about to come.

  After she has let out a long sigh, Josh gently takes one of her hands and kisses it. "You are amazing. I want to spend the rest of my life with you. However--"

  Here it comes, Maya thinks.

  "I don't know where you stand with God anymore. When you first became saved, you were so on fire for him. But lately, I haven't seen any recollection of Him in your life. Where did he go, Maya? I want that girl back. Of course I want to be with you, but God is so important in my life. If you don't have a relationship with Him, then I can't stay with you." He pauses and shuffles his feet. "Please tell me that He's still evident in your life. Please tell me believing in Him wasn't all an act to get me to love you more. I really don't want that to be true."

  Pulling away from Josh's grip on her hand, she turns away from him and has to force herself to think about what he said. Is her relationship with God real? When she first accepted Him into her life, she could almost touch how real He was. However, Josh is right; she hasn't been running back to God as much as she needs to be. Maybe that's part of her problem. Maybe that's why she's had the problem of leaving everyone she loves. She hasn't stuck close to God. Maybe if she would've just been listening to God, then her mom would still be alive.

  Tears stream down her face just recalling her mom's death again, especially since she is the cause. Josh notices and pulls her in for a comforting hug, and she wraps her arms around him, sniffling against his shirt.

  As Josh strokes her hair, he offers words of encouragement, "You're going to be okay. I'm always going to be here for you."

  Exposing her tear-stained face, she backs out of the hug and stares appalled at him. "You just said you may break up with me."

  He shoves his hands in his pockets. "I know I did. But even if we did break up, you could always come back to my room if you ever needed shelter. You know, a safe place."

  "Josh, I really don't deserve you. I feel like I'm not adult enough for you."

  "Not adult enough?" He furrows a brow. Adjusting his position to be more relaxed, he takes both of her hands and smiles. "Maya, you are plenty adult enough. If anything I'm not adult enough. I'm terrified for what happens when I graduate college because then I have to figure my life out. I know I want to marry you, but beyond that, I haven't got a clue."

  She once again pulls her hands away from his hands. "Josh, you don't get it. I don't deserve you. You stick by God through thick and thin. I don't. I haven't. I want to, but I haven't done that like you have."

  For some reason that causes Josh to wear a huge smile. "Maya, that's exactly what I wanted to hear you say. You said you want to stick by God; that's more than enough for me. We're going to stay together and walk through this life together."

  Maya can't believe what she's hearing. That's all it took for Josh not to break up with her? She only has to want to be in a relationship with God? How does that work?

  She asks, "Josh, I thought dedicating your life to God took more than wanting to dedicate your life to Him."

  "It does, but that's the first and most important step, Maya. Once that happens, the rest follows more easily after it."

  "Josh, I think I'm going to pray later. I haven't done that in awhile."

  "Yes, Maya! Pray! Always pray! Always talk to God! I love you so much!" Josh jumps around like an excited child in a candy store.

  Maya doesn't know how to react to his bizarre actions, but all she knows for certain right now is that she hasn't lost a boyfriend after all and she has a desire to be close with God again.