The Fight For Love (Joshaya)

Chapter 29

  As soon as Maya enters the bakery, she runs up to Josh and throws herself onto him. He wraps his arms tightly around her, and she buries her face into his chest. The longer she remains in the hug with him the more guilt-ridden she becomes, but she doesn't want to stop hugging him. She doesn't want to tell him about Zane for fear of losing their relationship.

  While they're still in an embrace, Josh rests his chin on the top of Maya's head. "Mine. You're mine. I will never take you for granted again. If you needed to talk that night, I should have told him I couldn't study. You are more important than one test. I'm sorry, Maya. Do you forgive me?"

  Tears start flowing from her eyes as she manages to squeak out a few words, "Yes, of course. I love you more than anything." Maya wants him to know how much she loves him; she didn't give up her virginity for some guy she barely knew like she had originally thought about. She hopes he'll see that and not be completely heartbroken at the news of her kissing another guy.

  What comes to her mind is that Josh never once kissed her on the lips until the timing was right. She had never kissed anyone on the lips besides Josh until tonight. She clings tighter to Josh.

  'Are you okay? Your hug just got a lot tighter," Josh attempts to say in a lighthearted manner.

  She decides against hiding the truth. "Josh, I'm most definitely not okay. I did something tonight that I'm not proud of, and you may leave me for."

  And he instantly knows what it is, "You cheated."

  "I'm sorry. I'm so so sorry. I don't know how you'll ever be able to forgive me. I don't know how I'll ever be able to forgive myself. Josh, I went back to my old ways. My mother was trying to convince me that you only dated me to make me a believer. So today I started to believe her lie. I know it's not true. I know you actually love me. I just hope you love me enough to stay with me, even after what I did tonight."

  He pushes her a couple feet's distance from him. "The thing is, Maya, you went through all of that trouble in the beginning to ask me out, but then you're the one to mess up. It takes everything I have to not think of you as a player, and I'm just another one of your subjects."

  "No, you're not. You have to believe me. Please don't leave me. I promise I won't ever cheat on you again. I promise. I love you, Josh. You're my first ever boyfriend."

  "So, what? You had a one night stand. How do I know you won't have more?"

  "First off, I am still a virgin. Second, that was me being stupid and going back to the old me. Don't you ever go back to your sinful ways?"

  "I'm sorry, Maya. This is just so hard to get over. It's not a little thing."

  "I know it's not. But Josh, please don't leave. Please don't stop being that amazing person I need in my life daily."

  "Maya, you're trying to make this sound so simple. It's not. How can I know you won't do it again?"

  "Please..." Maya doesn't have an answer for him, because she's not certain herself that she won't make a silly mistake with a random guy again.

  "I really need to go back to my dorm and think all of this through. I also need to pray about it. I don't want to talk to you for at least a week, though. Will you be okay with that?"

  Maya lets out a sigh and a few tears slide down her cheeks. "If that's what you need, then I will be okay with that. I really love you, Joshua. I mean that."

  "Okay. Well, let's head towards your apartment. I still want to walk you back."

  Not taking her hand, Josh walks alongside Maya on the sidewalk. The two of them don't say any words to get rid of the tension in the air from their conflict. It gives Maya plenty of room to cry, feel guilt-ridden as heck, and want nothing more than to hold Josh's hand. She has to control herself from doing so. She knows she shouldn't say the words again, but she does anyway. "Josh, I love you. Please don't let that slip your mind."

  Josh remains silent, but she thinks she sees him glance at her for a split second out of her peripheral vision. This gives her hope. He misses looking at her and holding her hand just as much as she does in this moment. 

  The two of them don't say any special good nights. Josh looks at her for a second, nods, and then heads far away from her. The thought of not seeing him again for a week or longer breaks her heart into a thousand pieces. How is it that she manages to screw things over with Josh worse than before? She has a knack for making situations worse than they already had been. She really needs to work on that. 

  After she's safely in her bedroom, she checks her phone, but no messages from Josh appear. She sets it on her desk and gets comfortable in her pajamas. As she crawls underneath the covers, she notices the time on her clock reads 1:48. She can't believe she stayed out that late and so much happened in one night. So much happened that shouldn't have. She closes her eyes and tries to shut the harsh reality out of her mind for the time being.