The Fight For Love (Joshaya)

Chapter 31

  Later that same day, Maya sits on the bottom steps just outside of the bakery Riley's in charge of for the next couple weeks. She trades off looking at her best friend through the doorway and staring at her shoes. Being alone right now tears her heart to pieces because normally at this time she'd be hanging out with Josh, but he wants his space from her. She pulls out her phone in order to scroll through her past messages with Josh. She figures since she can't talk with him anyway she may as well look at the happy conversations the two of them have had.

  When some of the bakery rush dies down, Riley comes out and puts out her hands for Maya to take. She does and Riley pulls her up, wrapping her arms around her in a comforting embrace. Still in the hug, Riley gently says, "Girly, you're going to be okay. I know it's hard right now, but you're going to be okay. You need to do something to take your mind off the hurt. Know anything you may be interested in doing right now?"

  Her mind immediately goes to Carla. She supposes she can hang out with her while Riley's at work. She hasn't thought about texting or calling her since Riley became her best friend again because at that point she had the person she really wanted to confide in again and didn't need a substitute. But since Riley is occupied and Josh doesn't want to talk with her, going to Carla would not be a bad idea.

  Maya backs out of the hug with Riley and smiles at her. "Thanks, Riles. I think I'm going to call up one of my friends and see if I can do something with her."

  "Okay. You do that. That'll be good for you." Riley squeezes Maya's hand before heading back inside the bakery.

  Left alone to make this decision of messaging or calling Carla, Maya walks up the steps and takes out her phone as she walks around the city.

  Right as she's about to hit the call button for her contact of Carla, Josh's face appears on her screen. She's never hit that green button so fast in all of her life. She answers, "Josh! Hi! I'm so glad you called! I'm so so sorry! I made a silly mistake! Please forgive me! I really do love you!"

  "Calm down, pretty girl. Let me talk first and then you can say whatever you need to say afterwards."

  "Okay. I'm just relieved to hear your voice."

  Josh continues, "So, I've thought about it. I've prayed about it. I've cried about it. And I've repeated doing these things multiple times. Maya, you are so important to me. I don't ever want to lose you. However, my parents have always taught me about the dangers when your significant other cheats on you. That danger is whether or not you can trust her again. And with the kind of person you are, I'm going to be brutally honest with you. I don't think I can trust you in that regard. At least not right now. I'm sorry. But I hope you can understand why that trust is betrayed."

  Maya bites her lip. She should've known Josh wouldn't possess the same trust as he did before. But now she asks the hard question, "So, do you still want to be with me?"

  With a little bit of hesitation in his voice before answering, he says, "Maya. I love you. And I do want to still be with you. However, in my opinion, the two most important things in any relationship are trust and communication. You betrayed my trust. As much I want to stay with you, how can I if I don't trust you?"

  Her eyes begin to tear up and her voice wavers as she speaks into the phone, "I'm sorry, Josh. I want to promise I'd never do something stupid like that again, but you're right. I don't even trust myself not to make the same mistake. I do know that I love you, though. Does that count for anything?"

  "Can I ask what happened with the guy you cheated on me with?"

  There it is. There's a make or break question for their relationship. She tries to pause for as long as she can before responding, "So, it started out as just being a date. You know, going out and just getting to know each other. But then he invited me into his dorm." Maya can only imagine what's going through Josh's brain. "Josh, we kissed. I didn't give over my virginity, however, it was definitely headed in that direction. I'm sorry. I'm not proud of it. Actually the reason I stopped it from going any further was because of you. I had already gone way too far and I didn't want to go any further unless it was with you."

  Long pauses emerge from Maya's response, which gives no hope to Maya. She has a sinking feeling Josh will want to break up with her, and it tears her heart to shreds. Crying through the phone, she speaks, "Josh, you're really quiet. Please say something."

  "I'm hurt, Maya. I can't believe you'd do something like that with another guy. You never even attempted to do something like that with me. You never even asked. I mean, I wouldn't have done it either way because it doesn't align with the Word of God, however, it seems like you didn't even want to do it with me. You'd rather do it with another guy."

  "No, Josh, that's not it at all. I did it with him because I knew you wouldn't want to do something like that. Plus, I was kind of mad at you so I did something stupid, which I completely regret. It totally wasn't worth it."

  "Well, I hope you'll be able to get back together with him because I'm handing you off to be with him or any other guy you choose to be with."

  "Josh..." Maya's heart breaks and her whole world shatters.

  "I don't want this, Maya. You mean a lot to me. So much that I'm setting you free to date guys at your own convenience, not my expense. I love you so I'm setting you free. Plus, I'm doing what I think is best for me."

  "Josh, please don't. I'm begging you. I don't know if I can live without having you in my life."

  "I can still look out for you if you want."

  "I want you to be mine."

  "Occasionally. Or some of the time. But not all the time. Not unconditionally. How can I trust you? Answer that."

  "I don't know. I'll try my damnedest. I promise that. I'll pray. I'll go to God when I think I'm being led astray. I promise. Please believe me."

  "I believe you're sincere." Josh pauses. "I'll tell you what. I'll stay with you, but if you ever cheat on me again as severely as you did last night than I'm out of this relationship. You got that? I can't stay with someone that I can't trust to love me and only me in that kind of way."

  "Okay," Maya states. "I promise." Right now, all she cares about is the fact that she hasn't lost her boyfriend whom she loves to the ends of the earth.