The Fight For Love (Joshaya)

Chapter 19

Maya listens to Josh's breathing and hears a slight snoring noise with it. She turns on her phone screen and immediately turns down the brightness to its lowest setting. She begins to message Carla.

Maya: You wanted to know what I was up to? Carla: Yeah. Thanks for getting back to me. I'm still not entirely sure how okay you are with me just wanting to be friends again. Maya: I don't know either. It's pretty strange. Carla: I know it is. I just really want a fresh start. I've been looking at other girls my age. They're a lot happier with good company. You and I were pretty rebellious together, but I thought we were great company for each other. You're one of the first people I've felt really comfortable with, Maya. Maya: Wow. I didn't know you felt that way. I thought we made a good pair too. Now that you mention it, I do kind of miss you. I would like to be friends again. Carla: I'm glad you feel that way. Well, it's late. I'll text you tomorrow if that's okay? Maya: That's more than okay with me. I look forward to it. Carla: Great! I'm so happy!

Maya turns her phone screen off and sticks her phone underneath her pillow. She rests her hands on top of Josh's that are wrapped around her waist as he sleeps. She thinks about how she now has an old friend back into her life and how she has a very comforting boyfriend. The only thing that troubles her is the fact that Riley and she aren't on good terms; it's almost like they're on complete opposite sides of the totem pole. She goes ahead and decides to nudge Josh awake so that she can ask him about his faith. She wants to know how he can have so much faith in someone that he can't even see.

He sleepily blinks his eyes awake and smiles at her. "How's the most beautiful girl I know?"

Maya responds, "Contemplating."

He sits up and leans on one of his elbows to get a better look into her eyes. "What are you contemplating?"

She lies on her back and stares up at the ceiling. "How do you have so much faith in someone that you can't see? You told me to pray. How do I do that?"

Josh asks, "Which question do you want me to answer first?"

"You can just go in the order I asked in," she said with a hint of sass.

"Okay," Josh begins. "Just because I can't see God doesn't mean I can't feel him. The Bible says to be still and know that he is God. That's what I do. I find times throughout the day to just be still and it's in those moments that I feel him the most. Then even in other situations, I can feel his presence. It's one of the best feelings in the world."

Maya still wasn't understanding his meaning in regards to God's presence and being able to feel it. "How are you certain that what you're feeling is God?"

"Good question. I know you're not going to like my answer, but you just know. The feeling is so different from anything else; you just know. I'm sorry I can't describe it better than that. I really do want you to experience it for yourself. You'll love it and you'll have the desire to always want it."

"How do you have so much faith in this feeling?"

"Maya, he's more than a feeling. You know how you trust people? Like, you trust me, don't you?" Maya nods in agreement and Josh continues. "Well, it's just like you're trusting in someone. You feel safe with me. Well, I feel safe with God. It's really hard for me to explain, Maya. I'm sorry I can't be of more help. I have an idea, though. How would you like to go to church with me sometime?"

She lets out an agitated sigh. Josh has asked her a million times, it feels like, if she would like to go to church with him. Her answer has always been no and she doesn't plan on changing her mind anytime soon. She straight up turns her back to him and stares at the wall with her hands under her pillow.

"I'm sorry for asking. I know that you've always declined in the past; I just figured I'd give it another shot. Maybe you would have a change in heart. I mean, you're asking about my faith and how to pray. Speaking of which, do you still want me to tell you how you can pray or did I ruin it for you?"

Maya ponders what her response should be for the longest time. She is really curious on what the right way on going about prayer is for when she doesn't know where else to turn. However, Josh did somewhat ruin her motivation to learn about the religious things when he asked yet again to go to church with him. Her curiosity gets the better of her and she asks, "So, how can I pray if I wanted to?"

"There's no wrong way to pray. Prayer is just talking to God. It's not complicated. It's not something where you have to kneel at your bedside and bow your head. A lot of the times in big congregations it is more respectable to him if you bow your head and close your eyes. However, when you're by yourself or if you're just walking somewhere, you can talk to him and not have to close your eyes. You also can just pray to him through your thoughts. I don't advise that one, though. You can get very mixed up on whether you're talking him or just thinking. But yeah. That's prayer in a nutshell. Does it make sense to you?"

"It makes sense. I don't know if I'll be able to. I feel like it'd be too weird to just appear to be talking into thin air."

"Well, I tend to pray when I'm alone. But even if you are in public, who cares what others think? You be you and don't let anyone judge you for it. Come on. Where's that bold and daring spirit that made me fall for you in the first place?"

Maya blushes and then realizes that she's still turned away from him. She turns onto her other side so that she can look at him. She reaches for his hand and holds it. After a while, she leans toward him and kisses his cheek. "I'm so glad that I have you and that you like me enough to put up with me."

"Don't take yourself for granted. I adore everything about you even if you consider them to be annoyances."

"That's because they are annoyances. You're just blind to the reality of it, because you're too enamored with me being your girlfriend."

"Let's talk more in the morning, okay?" Josh lets go of Maya's hand and lies on his back, closing his eyes.

Wanting to feel insulted at his supposed ignorance but knowing that she should get some sleep, Maya places her hands close to her chest. She wants to attempt to pray soon, but not here with Josh in her room and her eyes being heavy with sleep. She decides she'll try the prayer thing tomorrow and decide if it's something she should pursue or drop to the ground. For now, she closes her tired eyes and drifts off into sleep land.