The Fight For Love (Joshaya)

Chapter 36

  With Riley working later that afternoon after school, Maya stands behind the counter and talks with her best friend. She says, "Josh should be here any minute. I'm really wondering what's up with him."

  "It sounds like a really good thing that's happening to him."

  Shocked by her friend's response, she stops slouching and stands up straighter against the counter. "How is the way he's been acting a good thing? He's acting strange, not his normal self, remember!"

  "I know. Don't give me that look, Maya. I think Josh talked with God and found some things out."

  "Okay... whatever that means."

  All of a sudden a pair of hands covers her eyes, and Maya turns around to see her loving boyfriend. She grabs both of his cheeks and plants a kiss right on his lips before he can say a word. She lets out a sigh and smiles, "I've been waiting to do that for the past two days now."

  Seemingly faking a chuckle, Josh responds with, "Yeah. Want to sit outside?"

  "I guess we can."

  Without taking Maya's hand, Josh starts heading back in the direction he came from. It takes Maya a few seconds to understand that he wants her to follow him outside, instead of taking her by the hand and leading her out. A cloud of disappointment moves to control Maya's emotions, but she tries her best to push it aside as she sits at the small table across from Josh.

  "So, what did you want to talk about?"

  His face lights up with a bright smile, "Me? You're the one that wanted to hang out."

  "Don't pretend you didn't want to hang out, either," she gives a playful glare.

  "Okay, you're right," he laughs a little bit as he puts out his hand for Maya to take. She gladly places her hand in his, and he begins talking about what's been up with him. "You're probably wondering why I felt the need to leave your room when you and Riley started talking about weddings and why I didn't want to spend the night with you last night." He pauses, which makes Maya tighten her grip on his hand. "Maya, you mean a lot to me. You really do. I want to marry you someday, but not anytime soon. That's why I couldn't stay in the room. I just couldn't handle it right then. My whole life I've had a plan. I'm going to graduate from high school, go to college and focus on my studies while making plenty of friends, get settled after graduating college, and find the perfect somebody to live with me. Though I'm glad you asked me out, you kind of changed my plans. I didn't even want to think about girls until a year or two after college. But then you came along and made my life a thousand times better. I really love you, Maya."

  Did he just say that she changed his life for the better, that she changed his plans for the better? She feels tears beginning to rise to her eyes, but holds them in. She recalls when he mentioned getting together with this one girl if she hadn't asked him out, which contradicts what he said on not thinking about girls. She asks, "What about the one girl you said you would've ended up dating if it hadn't been for me?"

  "I knew you were going to ask about that. She was really insecure about how she looked and I wanted to let her know how beautiful she was. But then you came along, so I never ended up taking her out on date like I thought about doing several times."

  "I could see how that might not go well."

  "Yeah... I'm really happy that you asked me out."

  Taking a small piece of her bottom lip in between her teeth, she can't help feeling extremely happy when Josh says that. It gives her confidence that she's doing something right in their relationship, because sometimes she has her own insecurities. But not when he says things such as that.

  "What's running through your head, pretty girl?" he squeezes her hand and smiles at her.

  "I just love you."

  "Want to go for a walk and I can explain why I didn't spend the night?"

  "I'm just following you here."

  He lets go of her hand and stands to his feet after pushing his chair in. She takes the hand he puts out for her take again, stands to her feet, and walks away from the bakery hand in hand with her boyfriend.

~~~~

  Maya pulls the covers up to her chin in the darkness and stares at the ceiling. Once again, she remains alone in the bed, and until the two of them are married, never will he sleep next to her again. Riley was right; Josh must've felt convicted about sleeping next to her multiple times during the nights. 

  As they had been walking earlier that day, Maya ended up letting go of his hand and stepping away from him. She debated whether the relationship with him was even worth it, but she already knew the answer. She could never give up Josh; he means the world to her. 

  He said that he had always felt that sleeping with a girlfriend before marriage was wrong regardless of having sex or not, but for some reason, it didn't feel wrong when he slept next to Maya. She tried telling him that it didn't always have to be wrong; sometime with the right person it could be right. He didn't believe her; he had a conversation with his parents about it and they said it was wrong. What his parents said always meant more than what he thought was actually right and wrong. She could understand where he was coming from with his logic because of her own mother, but she still didn't like it. 

  To end their hangout, he gave her a kiss on the cheek after walking her back to her apartment. From then on, she hung out in her room, trying to process through what had happened and what it would mean for the two of them in their continuing dating years.

  Now she lies in her bed and stares at the ceiling, asking God why he would take away something so precious to her. When she slept next to Josh in his arms, she always felt safe, but now she won't have that for a long time. All she thinks to the heavens above is why.