The Fight For Love (Joshaya)

Chapter 53

  Maya sits by the dumpster at the high school with Nathan. They had decided not to spend lunch in the cafeteria anymore; the dumpster is their special place to talk about life. As Maya leans her head against Nathan's shoulder, he stares off at the school for a few minutes before saying something that Maya doesn't want to hear.

  He says, "I'm really glad you trust me so much, and I love that we're friends."

  "Me, too!" She cuts him off quickly before he can say anything else. What she doesn't want to hear is that their friendship is too similar to what her relationship with Josh should be. She knows how she feels about Josh; nothing can jeopardize that.

  Sighing, Nathan stands up and thinks before deciding to walk away from her. Maya only watches one of the few "friends" leave her side. Before she has a chance to think about the effects of her actions, she yells, "Well, fine! I thought you were a true friend, but I guess you're not! You're just like everybody else!"

  Nathan stops in his tracks and turns around, rushing back towards her. He bends down, grabs one of her arms, and yanks Maya up to her feet. Sternly and almost aggressively, he looks her straight in the eyes and says, "Don't ever say I'm like everybody else." He lets go of her arm and continues speaking. "If anything, I think you may be the fake. You know, one minute you say I'm one of the people that's helped keep you alive and the next you're saying I'm just like everyone else. I don't know if I want to be a friend with someone who's like that."

  Shook, Maya steps back from him and stares at the ground. Nathan just called her out on the possibility that she's basically a terrible person. How is she supposed to react to that? She backs her hands up against the cold metal dumpster and feels herself wanting to cry. She thinks his expression will change to being softer but it remains just as harsh.

  She stutters to get out her words: "Na-Nathan...I wasn't serious. I'm just tired of people leaving me."

  He shakes his head, "Don't you realize you're doing the same thing?"

  "What do you mean?" Maya wasn't so sure she wants to hear the answer.

  "You left your best friend. You left your mom. You left Carla. You're leaving Josh."

  As much as she wants to disagree with Nathan on the fact that she has left everyone she's ever cared about, she can't because she knows it's the truth. She can't believe how awful of a person she's been. She's been so unfair to her loved ones. Without looking up at him, she asks, "Am I leaving you, too?"

  "Not yet, but it probably was going to get there." He sees that Maya appears dejected and forces a more sympathetic expression on his face. "Hey, I didn't mean to tell you that way, but the truth hurts. And the truth for the people you love is that you left them."

  "What do I do?" she whispers, not knowing if it was to Nathan or not.

  Stuffing his hands in his back pockets, he shuffles his feet and peers at the ground near her shoes. "Well, I think instead of talking with me you should talk with Josh. He's your boyfriend; he may be the one you're going to spend a lifetime with. Don't you think he deserves your attention, your heart?"

  Has she not been giving Josh her heart? Has she been this oblivious and ignorant of his feelings? She allows herself to cry, no, full out sob. Letting everything out of her tiny body and sliding herself to the pavement, she still wants Nathan to wrap an arm around her shoulders.

  She can tell by his expression and shuffling of feet that he wants to comfort her, but he firmly stands his ground. He refuses to give in to comforting her with an embrace; however, he doesn't leave her hanging to continue sobbing on her own.

  He asks, "Do you want me to walk with you to Josh's campus? Or would you want to talk with Riley first?"

  Sniffling, Maya wipes underneath her nose and peers up at him, "What do you think would be best?"

  "Maya, they're your people. Whomever you think would be better."

  Thinking through her apparently two former best friends, she wants to go to Riley first, but she thinks she may be in the wrong for wanting that. The only reason she wants to talk with Riley first is so that she can avoid talking with Josh, so she can have more time with Nathan by her side. 

  Is she losing her feelings for Josh? Did she have any real feelings for him in the first place? No, of course she did. She's never had butterflies for any guy in the past until Josh came along; of course she had to actually like him as more than a friend or just Riley's uncle.

  Waving a hand in front of her face, Nathan asks, "Hello? Is Maya there?"

  She giggles, "Yeah, still here." But under her breath, she mumbles to herself, "Unfortunately."

  "Well, your mom is no longer here and we weren't able to bury her, so you have to choose between Riley and Josh." He pauses. "Unless you want to talk with Carla."

  The thought of talking to Carla gives Maya bad vibes; she crosses that possibility off the list immediately. She tells Nathan, "I think I want to talk with Josh first."

  Nathan nods with a subtle smile. "Good choice."

  "Help me up?" She sticks out a hand for him to take, which he does and pulls her to her feet.

  The two of them start walking away from the school. As they keep walking, Maya thinks about what she may say to Josh when she gets on his campus and bounces ideas off of Nathan for suggestions. 

  Once she arrives on campus, Nathan wishes her luck and heads back in the direction he came from, leaving Maya to fend for herself in this conversation.