Angels (Pavel Chekov)

91 - Baked Cookies

(Dark themes in this chapter, be advised)

Erik gives them a list of snacks and they want to take and they've made a start but Pavel adds quite a few items to it.

"Not going to break into the cookies again this time, Pavel?" Pavel glares at him and Vienna questioned what happened. Pavel doesn't say anything and Erik grins. "He never told you?? The last time we went camping?? Oh god, Pavel. Come on, that was an amazing night."

"It was not," Pavel mutters, seemingly annoyed at the conversation that Erik has brought up.

"What was in the cookies?" Vienna asks, watching as Erik smiles.

"SPACE WEEEEEEEEED! I, single-handedly, got Pavel Chekov completely baked."

"You didn't."

"I did."

"He ate maybe four of them before I realised. That was an amazing thing to witness. You were totally loose. It was one of the best evenings. You were so damn happy that night. He took a marker pen and drew the entire galaxy on the inside of his tent and sang for like three hours. One day I'll see him get cooked again but he's certain that won't happen."

"It won't," Pavel bites. "I had no idea. I like my head the way it is, I don't want to go messing it up by getting high. I wish I'd known. The come down from that was hard, Erik. You never saw that side of it. I was in a terrible mental state to begin with and I made it a lot worse after those cookies."

"You had a good night. It was the first time I'd seen you smile in months. Don't hate me for having enjoyed seeing you happy for once. It was the first time in months my brother actually talked to me. Getting high once isn't the end of the world."

Vienna tastes the tension in the air and Pavel locks gazes with Erik, muttering that it won't happen again and walking into the kitchen for a few minutes.

"One day," Erik mutters. "Maybe not for a while but one day."

"Are edibles a normal part of your camping adventures? Are you bringing more this time?"

"More often than not and I plan to. Do you have any objections? If you're uncomfortable with it I can go without..."

"Not at all," Vienna mutters. "I went to a party or two in high school where my friends got into it. I didn't join, I was too scared but I've no problem being around it."

"You're welcome to try if you ever want to."

Pavel mumbles something in Russian and Erik seems to have a very quick answer. He glares at Pavel and Vienna blinks at the two of them. She asks for a translation and neither of them seem to be too willing to give her an answer.

"He doesn't want me encouraging you to do anything like that but I'm arguing that it's your choice and I'm not necessarily encouraging anything."

Pavel's cheeks are burning a little and Vienna tells both of them not to argue about it. She's not interested anyway. Erik leaves and Pavel still seems a little wound up. She kisses his cheek and tells him he shouldn't let it spoil their day together. It's been nice so far, he nods and goes back to kissing her instead.

They spend a little time on top of the bed and cuddling close to one another. Pavel doesn't want to talk about when he accidentally got high. Vienna asks and he just shakes his head.

"Will you at least tell me why you didn't mention it earlier?"

"I didn't want to. It was an accident. I didn't want it to happen and I barely remember the part Erik retells. I was in such a bad headspace, I only remember the aftermath."

"And what was the aftermath?"

"It's dark Vienna, I don't know what you'll think of me if I tell you," he says, noting the expression her eyes carry. She asks him to tell her. He agrees, apologising in advance. "A few things happened when I came down. I needed to... I had to cut, trying to release some of the pain and... And to get the high back. It wasn't working. I wrote an entry in my journal. I planned for it to be my last entry... I drank half a bottle before I started walking. I went miles and miles away from where we were camping. I wrote my parents a letter. I wrote Erik a letter. I had a switchblade and I kept telling myself I'd never be that happy again. The stupid cookies were the best my life was going to get and I tried... I tried to kill myself."

"Pasha..."

"I woke with a cut on my neck and the stars above me. I think it was a sign. A second chance perhaps. I remember that night very differently to Erik."

She doesn't say anything, just wrapping her arms around him and sighing. She kisses his cheek and he leans into her.

"It... It wasn't the first time I'd tried. I probably shouldn't be here, but the universe must want me around. Coming to Starfleet and finally having purpose and getting to follow my passion made my life so much more meaningful and then you... You came around and I had your smiles to look forward to in my classes and I realised I never wanted anything so badly. I was so happy you didn't reject me. I don't know what would have happened if you weren't interested."

"I still remember how much I loved getting to see you in class. My heart raced and I'd always really look forward to any partner work we'd do because I'd get to listen to your accent. I remember how excited I was when you agreed to walk with me into the city."

"I remember how embarrassed I was after blurting out that you'd looked stunning in that dress. Because you did. It was such a nice time. We've come a long way, haven't we? We're hardly the same people we were all those months ago."

"Feels a lot longer. It's only been just over half a year. Imagine three years from now or something."

He nods and cuddles her a little tighter. He requests that they go lay down for a little longer and she has no objections. He lays on his stomach and she lays on her back, complaining about her aching lower half. He promises he'll make it up to her when the time is right. She looks to him with a smile and he winks in return.