Angels (Pavel Chekov)

16 - Confession

They eat together on the couch and talk more about their families. Pavel tells her about his reasonably terrible relationship with his father and just how much of a flirt his brother is. Vienna tells him about how much she misses her sister and how she's been finding herself homesick recently. He cuddles close to her and suggests that they go visit them one day. Vienna nods, imagining bringing Pavel home to her family.

Pavel tidies up while Vienna has a shower. He hums to himself, thinking of all the things he wants to write about from today. He finds his journal and opens it, his hand supporting his head as he starts writing. He gets two paragraphs done and gets himself a drink of juice. Vienna comes out of the shower in just a towel and Pavel nearly chokes on his juice in surprise, spilling some down his shirt. He puts the glass down, sighing to himself. Vienna looks over and giggles at him, grabbing her bag and heading back into the bathroom.

She comes back out and shoots Pavel an amused grin. She comes over and inspects his shirt, trying her hardest not to laugh.

"You're adorable, you know that, yeah?"

He goes back to writing, not commenting on her remark. She hugs him from behind and for the first time, she can't find her name anywhere. He notices how hard she's looking and smiles to himself.

"My name's not there anymore."

"You're in there. I've just started referring to you as 'моя девушка' instead."

"Moya devushka?" She repeats

"It means 'my girlfriend.' There's something I like about using that term."

She laughs, kissing his cheek. "I should get you to teach me some Russian. It sounds so cool when you speak it. I love how it sounds. I've heard it's reasonably difficult though."

Pavel nods, liking the idea of her trying to speak his mother tongue. He finishes writing so they can watch a movie together. She cuddles up to him and he swears he's never enjoyed something as simple as watching a movie like this before. He isn't playing full attention to the whole movie. He daydreams and gets lost in his thoughts.

Vienna falls asleep halfway through the movie. She's in Pavel's arms and looks comfortable and warm. He kisses the top of her head and a thought crosses his mind

"I love you," He whispers, his voice barely audible. He doesn't expect any sort of reply and is relieved that she doesn't stir or wake up. He loves her, he's sure of that. He's only realising it now but he's felt it for a while now. He felt it when they first kissed, when they almost first kissed, when they brushed their teeth together and pushed each other gently away from the sink. He smiles at the thought. He wants to whisper it while she's awake and he wants to her the same words from her lips. He breathes out a deep sigh of contentment, wishing he could show this moment to the younger version of himself.

Vienna dreams of a boy who falls and wakes up feeling like she's falling too. Pavel is there to catch her when she wakes. He asks if she's always had bad dreams and she shakes her head. One part of her wonders if it's her guilty conscience trying to tell her to confess. She listens to it, sitting up and telling Pavel she needs to tell him something.

"This is important," She says quickly. "I haven't said anything because timing was really bad but I need to tell you something. After Damien spilt yogurt in your hair and I came in that afternoon, I was worried about you. I had this feeling that something was really wrong and how were the day after when he'd called you pathetic... You just looked so deflated and upset. I told myself I'd start asking some questions about your mental health but..."

"But?" He encourages, wondering why she looks so flustered.

"You left your journal open in the library when you went to the bathroom..."

"Vienna," he says softly. "You didn't. Tell me you didn't!"

"I took a few photos of the pages... I wasn't going to read them but something just... I read a paragraph. It was from the day we went to the shops together. It said something about your first clean night in a while, I thought you were a drug addict or something, so I came over and I realised that you meant self-harm and... I'm sorry Pavel. I'm truly sorry. I shouldn't have read it. I shouldn't have read it but if I hadn't have read it..."

"I can't believe you!" He says, standing up and pacing around, putting his hands in his hair. His eyes are watering and he feels a deep betrayal dig into his chest.

He switches to Russian so he can tell her something that he doesn't want her to understand. "I just told you I loved you and this is what happens?" He takes a heavy breath, trying to calm himself down.

"Don't use your Russian against me Pavel. If you have something to say just tell me."

"What, and not keep secrets like you've been?? Is that bad, is it?"

She understands his frustration but hates his tone. She sighs, not having any sort of response to his comment. He goes into the kitchen and gets himself a drink,taking a seat on the cold tiles and wiping his eyes. After what Damien put him through by reading his journal, he can hardly believe Vienna did the same.