Angels (Pavel Chekov)

109 - Friends

The Kelzenone only need about two hours sleep in a day and can easily go a few days without sleeping. Saxon dozes off in one of the chairs in Vienna's room and Selwyn just sketches, occasionally looking over at Vienna. Saxon stirs and wakes up with a jolt.

"You alright?" Selwyn asks, looking to Saxon

"Fine," he mutters. "A bad dream. Still sketching?"

"Still sketching," Selwyn confirms. "I wonder if I'll run out of space on my body."

"Put one on mine then," Saxon smiles. Selwyn isn't sure if he's joking or not. "I've been thinking of getting one on my wrist. Something small, something space related. I've had no idea what design to put but maybe you can design it and I'll get it on my wrist. You don't have to, of course. But I just thought-"

"I'd love to," Selwyn interrupts. "I have three different designs for wrist tattoos already and I've been struggling to pick one. I'd love to have something I've made a permanent part of you like that."

"Sounds good," Saxon smiles. One part of him is dying to open up to Selwyn. He tries to push his thoughts into words but he can't think of how to say what's in his head. He swallows and tells himself it might be a while before he gets another chance. "You know," he says softly. "You're a really nice guy Selwyn. I... I really like you."

"Thank you," Selwyn says softly. "I like you too. I appreciate the time we've spent together here in Russia. I'm very lucky to have a friend like you in my life."

That one word. Friend. It breaks Saxon, just a little bit. He finds a smile to give to Selwyn. His heart aches. He goes back to sleep in the hopes he can forget about it.

Vienna wakes with a groan and complaining of a headache. She looks at Selwyn, giving him a soft smile. He asks if she can eat anything and she shrugs.

"I want to eat but I've no appetite. I was dreaming about what happened. Part of it came back to me and I don't really feel like eating."

"What part do you remember?" Saxon asks, sitting up and stretching.

"I remember Damien now. I know it wasn't a snake that scared us. I just remember... I'm going to have to say this, aren't I? Before Damien showed up, Pavel and I were... Ah, well, having sex and when Damien showed up, his belt wasn't done up properly and neither were his pants. Knowing he was watching, knowing he saw that was just... I felt so ill when I realised... So dirty and so violated... I can't eat anything thinking about it."

"That's awful," Selwyn says softly. "That's honestly disgusting that he'd do that... I'm sorry to hear Vienna. I'm sorry you had to wake up remembering it."

"Is Pavel here?" She asks, looking around the room.

"I sent the others to get some rest. He wasn't in a great headspace. Erik was keeping an eye on him and I thought it was best if he tried to sleep it off a little. He's fine. I've messaged him, he won't be long."

Pavel shows up looking tired. He's glad to see Vienna. He's glad that she's awake. She waits until everyone else leaves and tells him what she can remember. He's a little glad she remembers herself so he doesn't have to explain and relive it all over again. It keeps replaying in his head over and over. She takes his hand.

"We'll get through it. We always have. I'll get discharged this afternoon after a few psych evaluations."

"I'll be here," Pavel smiles. "With you," he whispers. "With you all the way."

-----------------

Recovery is messy.

Pavel and Vienna go back to a routine of exams and study to keep everything that happened off their minds. They stop seeing each other every week. They message each other periodically and one night, laying in bed, Vienna realises two weeks have passed in the blink of an eye and she's barely even had a conversation with her boyfriend. They had half an hour for a lunch time together and that was it. All they did was complain about how busy and tired they were. Vienna gets out of bed and quietly puts her shoes on. She has tears forming in her eyes and she grabs her bag, leaving her dorm.

Pavel is awake when Vienna knocks on his door. His eyes are a little red and his body is tense. He opens the door, endlessly glad to see her on the other side.

"Enya," he whispers, wrapping his arms tightly around her and telling her just how glad he is to see her there. He kisses her cheek and asks why she's up so late. She tells him the truth, that she needs him. She needs to talk to him, she needs to hold him and she sure as hell needs to fix their current situation. They take a seat on his bed and she takes a deep breath, realising her eyes are still watering.

"Listen, I cannot keep doing this. I can't live like this."

He looks at her, a sadness in his eyes.

"I can't keep doing this, Pavel. I need to see you more than once in a blue moon. I want to spend time with you, not just have lunch and share a quick peck before leaving for another week. I'm in a long distance relationship with someone living walking distance from me! I miss you. I know we're both busy but when did this happen?? I keep thinking about the time we used to spend together and how much fun we had... Remember when I whipped your butt with the tea towel? I haven't seen that dumb smile of yours in forever."

"Enya."

"I haven't talked to you in... In... In weeks! Like properly talked, it has been weeks!"

"Enya."

"I can't keep doing this, I'm so stressed. I need my boyfriend back."

"Vienna."

"Yes?"

"They.... They assigned me to the Enterprise. There's talk of a two-year mission. I'm the head navigator. We leave in two months."

It goes deadly silent then. Pavel brushes his hair from his eyes and look to her. She breaks into tears.

"Why didn't you tell me! When did you-"

"Today. Three hours ago. I'm awake because I didn't know how to tell you. Hikaru got assigned too. He's probably going to be piloting."

Vienna doesn't have words. She shakes her head a little and wipes her eyes. She knows this is good thing for him. She knows this will be an amazing experience. She knows he'll have a good time and be fulfilled in his work. Her eyes are watering and he puts a hand on her shoulder.

"I'm sorry. I'm sorry I had to tell you like this."

"Pavel... Are we... Are we going to stay together...?"

He looks at her, his own eyes getting watery. "I can't go two years without you. It would tear me apart. It would pull me to pieces but I don't want... I don't want to break things off. I can't break things off here, surely not."

"Pavel," she whispers. "It's okay. We... We can... Oh God, Pavel. We've been through everything but this is... Two years...? I can't... We can get through this, right...? Surely..."

"Enya..."

She breaks out into soft sobs and he holds her, his own eyes starting to water. He sniffs and she pulls their lips together. They haven't kissed like this in far too long. She kisses him again. He holds her tight.

"We've still got two months. I think we should make the most of it and then..."

"Enya, we'll... We'll have to end things..."

She starts crying again and puts her head against his chest. He asks her if she'll stay the night and she nods, trying her hair back. He lies down with her and cuddles her close.

"Two months," she whispers. "That's all. I'm sorry we haven't been seeing each other enough. I'm sorry Pavel."

"I'm sorry too. My classes are so much work and I have just been turning to writing in my journal. I kept telling myself I'd message you but I was worried you'd be busy studying. Since the Damien thing happened, we've just..."

"It's like we've just been friends since then. A lot of that's my fault... I haven't wanted to do anything remotely sexual since it happened."

"I haven't been in the mood to either," Pavel admits. "I've just missed being together...Why did we let each other drift apart? You're the best thing I have... I can't let that go... Enya... Two years isn't all that long, right??"

She smiles, taking his hands. "Not all that long," she repeats, her voice still muffled by her sniffling. "It's not that long at all."

(Author's Note)

This is the second last chapter
I hope you enjoy
Thank you