Angels (Pavel Chekov)

31 - Messy

Pavel tries to hide his nerves but it's reasonably obvious how he's feeling to Vienna. His leg is bouncing up and down and he looks like he's biting the inside of his lip. She puts her hand on top of his and he stops, taking a deep breath and looking up.

"Mr Chekov?"

Pavel nods, standing up and shaking hands with a doctor. He shoots Vienna a smile before he disappears down a corridor and she breathes a sigh of relief. This should have happened months ago but she figures it's better late than never. They're finally taking a step in the right direction and she's glad for it.

After a while, Pavel comes back out and he thanks the doctor before coming back over to Vienna. She smiles at him and they walk out together, Pavel a little quiet. She asks if he's alright and he nods, pulling her to the side of the path.

"It was harder than I thought it would be. I thought it would be easy to just explain everything. It was hard for me to talk about things I barely even talk to you about... I'm going to start on a medication to regulate my mood more. It is hormone based so it might take a little while to adjust. He also gave me a spray... That's only for when things get really bad but..."

"But?"

"It should be enough."

She smiles at him and takes both his hands, giving him a peck on the lips.

"I'm glad you did this."

"I'm glad you got me here," he whispers, "I probably wouldn't have gotten here without your help."

She squeezes his hands and they go back to walking. For a while, she thinks of seeing Pavel getting better. She thinks about seeing the super bubbly version, the best reflection of himself. He swings her hand and for once, everything finally feels like it's falling into place.

Pavel feels less like everything is falling into place when Vienna leaves to visit her family and the new medication starts throwing his mood into a huge mess. It makes little difference on the first day but after that, he can't concentrate, he can barely think straight and he gets upset over the most trivial things. He drops his spoon on the floor and finds himself breaking into frustrated tears. He's almost glad that Vienna isn't to witness just what a mess he is as he's trying to adjust but not having her there just upsets him.

Through the week, Pavel just gets worse and he wonders when the medication will sort out all of the stupid chemicals in his brain. He's angry, he's upset, and he has no idea why. He messages Vienna and tries to seem as level headed as possible but from all the way in Delaware, she still worries about him.

By the time Vienna comes back, Pavel is crashing and he just holds her for a while, glad to have someone there with him. He tells her that he's been a total mess and she realises that she was right, that he definitely wasn't going as swimmingly as he seemed.

"Can I ask something?" She asks, her tone softening. He just nods and she starts stroking his hair. "Have you left your room since I saw you last?"

"I did on the first day," Pavel mutters. "I wasn't like this then... I started getting super emotional on the second day so I thought it'd be best to stay away from people and risk having a breakdown in public. I've been in here since. David spent one of the days here but otherwise I haven't really been seeing anyone."

"Oh Pasha," she sighs, "No wonder you're a mess when you haven't had any human contact. I haven't been messaging you all that much, you need more interaction than one visit from your roommate and a few messages from me. We really need to find you your own friends. We need more than just each other."

"I don't want anyone else," he mutters, eyebrows knitting together. "You're the one I love, I don't need anyone else."

"That's the thing though, Pavel. We don't know how things will work out between us. We don't know if we'll be on the same ship and we don't know what could happen in space."

"Don't say that," he bites, sitting up. "You always bring up us being on different ships; it's not going to happen."

"Hey," she says, frowning, "I've only mentioned it twice, that's not 'always bringing it up' and we need to be ready to accept that we could be on different ships. I don't want it to tear you apart if it happens because it is a possibility. I'm not gifted like you are... I'm just lucky."

"It's not going to happen!" he snaps, standing up and feeling his whole body go tense. "I'm not letting it happen, Vienna. I'm not going to let it."

She pauses for a second, uneasy about how quickly he's snapping. "Pavel. We both need to be adults here. It's possible. Things don't always go to plan."

"Be an adult? I'm not an adult Vienna! And nor are you, we're still just... Just..."

"Stop yelling," she says firmly, standing up and matching his height. "No, we aren't adults but we're old enough to make mature decisions. At least I am, anyway. Whatever medication you're on really isn't working for you. I don't like seeing you like this. We should head back to medbay and see what other options they have, because this, this isn't you."

He sinks back down onto the bed and feels his eyes cloud over, realising she's right. He wipes his eyes on the back of his sleeve and realises just how much he hates how messy he feels. He needs to get off the medication, he needs to stop taking everything out on Vienna.

"I'll go to medbay," he says quietly and Vienna just picks her bag up off the floor.

"Come here," she whispers, opening her arms and embracing him. He wipes his eyes and sighs into the crook of her neck, endlessly glad he has someone looking after him. He takes her hands and they start walking, swinging their hands softly.

(Author's Note)

My last update for the year. 2019 is only a few hours away for me here in Australia so wishing a happy and productive year to all my readers out there ♥

Happy New Year friends ♪