Supernatural DDM & BSM

No Longer Yours

"Dean, darling Dean, do you have to go?" You asked as you were still naked under the covers at the motel room. "I mean, you could die again out there. You might as well do something enjoyable today." You smirked up at him. Dean looked back at you smiling, but you could see the hesitation in his green eyes. "I'm sure Sam could wait a little while longer." You stated. He groaned before taking his shoes and tie off before returning to you on the bed. You evilly grinned before taking off his shirt and started roughly kissing him. You rolled on top of him. He moaned and took off his suit pants and boxers. 

You were in complete bliss as you two rolled all over that bed, not caring how long you two were taking, nor how loud the sex was. You nearly screamed as you came under Dean. You panted and smiled at him as he came after you. He got off you, laying beside you. "That's what I call fun." You laughed. "No kidding," he mentioned before he noticed something. "Uh, babe," he said with nervousness. "What?" You asked. "Tell me you're on the pill." He answered. Your eyes widened, not sure how to react. "Don't tell me," you said with regret. "Happened too fast." He said with the same nervousness and concern and regret. 

The pair of you always agreed that neither of you wanted to bring a kid into this life. You felt like bursting with tears. "What do we do?" You asked him. "We'll just see what happens. I mean, there's a small chance..." His words blurred.

Nines months later, you screamed louder with pain than you ever did when you had sex. Dean tried making jokes as you screamed and groaned with pain. "Dean, I swear to God-" you were cut off by pushing once more. Your still boyfriend shut up as you continued to get the baby out of you. "Congrats, it's a boy." The doctor said as you relaxed against the bed, panting and sweating. Dean was grinning ear to ear at the announcement before he kissed your forehead. The nurse smiled as she handed you the bundle of blue blankets. "Oh, aren't you the sweetest looking thing?" You cooed as you saw your baby boy. 

Then, the adopting couple walked into the room. Your eyes admittedly filled with tears and looked at Dean. You knew this was coming, but you just never mentally prepared yourself for it. You never thought it was going to be so hard, letting couple you only met a few times take your baby away from you. He gave you a grim smile back at you before looking at the couple. "It's a boy," he told them. The couple was ecstatic. That's what they were hoping for so badly since they could never have children of their own. "Did you give him a name?" The adopted mother asked. "A middle name," you said before Dean could speak, "Robert. Dean's dad." You finished, trying so hard to smile. Closed adoption, what a stupid idea! You screamed internally. You, Dean, and the couple came to a conclusion with your and Dean's line of work; it was best not to have any contact through the adopted parents about your birth child. 

You cried silently as the adoptive parents decided the first name for your son. Oliver. You kept that name in your mind. Oliver Robert. You sobbed as they left, taking your baby with them. Dean shed tears too, but he was keeping together for you. 

You slammed the bunker's door shut and ran to an abandoned bedroom with tears still running down your face. "That bad?" Sam asked Dean as Dean walked into the library. "You have no idea." He stated. Sam and Dean spoke about it, how everyone felt about it as you stayed in the room for days. Sam and Dean begged you to leave the room, to at least eat. Judy even came one day and tried to get you to leave the room, knowing what it was like to lose a child. You only cried and slept. You had symbols next to your bed to keep Cas and Crowley out of your room to make sure they didn't make you leave. 

You didn't leave your room for two and a half weeks. You were too hungry, about ready to die from starvation, the only reason why you left the room. You didn't speak though. You didn't look at anyone. You just grabbed food and go back to the room. 

It took months for you to get back to normal or as close as normal you could get. You were just emotionless. You went back on hunts, not feeling anything when you killed your monsters. 

When your son's fifth birthday came, you searched the couple that adopted Oliver Robert online. You closed the computer as soon as you finished pressing enter. You knew that pictures would not satisfy you. A week passed, and you went to Cas when Dean and Sam were out a hunt that you didn't want to go since you had your own plans. "Cas, I need to see him. Please take me to him. He's my son, I need to know!" You begged.  "Y/n that would violate-" "CAS! I'M HIS MOTHER! I NEED TO KNOW HOW MY BABY IS DOING!" You cried. "Alright, I'll take you to him." He said. 

He transported the both of you to a schoolyard. You nearly broke in tears on how handsome your boy was. Even with the tens of kids running around, you knew what boy was yours. Oh, how much he looked like Dean, but he had your eyes, hair, and nose. "Oliver," you whispered with a small smile, the biggest smile you had since he was born. "Baby, look at Mommy," you quietly begged as you watched your child play tag with the others. His hunter genes were strong in his legs that were naturally fast runners. He took a break as he tied his little shoe. 

That's when he noticed the two strangers at the edge of the schoolyard. He cocked his head and looked confused, so he walked up to you and Cas. You got on your knees to be at his height. "Hello," Oliver said. "Hi," you happily breathed, "you're a fast runner." He smiled, "I'm the fastest in my class! My mommy and daddy can't catch me when we play tag." Oliver bragged. You nearly burst into tears, when you knew he wasn't referring to you and Dean. "D-do," you cleared your throat, "you love your mommy and daddy?" You asked. "More than anything! It was my birthday last week, and I got a brand new bike!" He exclaimed. You merely smiled. "That's amazing," you weakly said. 

"Are you okay?" Oliver asked, his head cocked once more. Oh, how he was adorable. "Yes. I-I wish I had a little boy like you, Oliver Robert." You answered, wanting to hug your baby so much. His eyebrows furrowed. "I didn't tell you my name." He pointed out. "I just can tell." You said, trying not to panic. "Oh, cool." He smiled, it was Dean's smile. "But why do you want a boy like me?" Oliver asked. "I had the chance to have one, but I couldn't keep him even if I could." You voice nearly breaking. "Why couldn't you?" The innocent boy asked. "Adult reasons." You answered, knowing he wouldn't understand. Oliver hugged you then. Your breath was taken from you as he did. "I'm sorry," he said. You just wrapped your arms around him and smelled his head, a mix of shampoo with outdoors. Just like you thought he would, how you wanted him to smell. His hug was the warmest and sweetest thing you ever felt. The warmth that you never knew existed in the world. "Thank you," you whispered. Your son released himself from the hug. "I hope you get the chance again. I have to go back to tag." Oliver stated before running off to the other children. 

Cas took you back to the bunker. "Do you feel better now?" He asked. "Yes, I do. I know he loves life. He has it better than what he would've had it here." You told him. "I'm glad you feel better." He simply said. "Cas, don't let anyone else know about what we did today." You spoke. "Of course." He replied. You shyly smiled, thinking about your little boy again, maybe...just maybe you and Dean could...no. Neither you or Dean were ready for that. You told yourself and shook your head. One scary slip was enough.