INTOXICATED (BTS AU)

Blood On My Hands

Warning.
This chapter contains a distressing scene of a suicide.

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Saying goodbye to Jackson and Youngjae was more challenging than Hoseok had hoped it would be. Jackson clearly was not happy, but he understood and told Hoseok to promise that he would visit.
Saying goodbye to Youngjae was the worst. Youngjae cried uncontrollably, he begged Hoseok to stay, holding on to him and wanting never to let go. Hoseok had to shove him aside.

"Youngjae I will come back to see you, I promise. But I have to go. I'm sorry."

Hoseok rushed from Youngjae's room, closing the door behind him. He could hear Youngjae wailing inside. He sounded like a wounded animal, and it broke Hoseok's heart. He cried as he walked down the corridor. He stopped at his old room. Strangely Hoseok felt he would miss this place. Yes, he had wanted to get out of here, but that was when he had plans to live with Jimin.

Now he was leaving to live with Jungkook. He took a moment or two, eyeing his room as if trying to make sure he would remember it. He sighed deeply and continued down the hallway towards Jungkook.

Suddenly alarms and pagers started ringing, and doctors and nurses flew passed Hoseok. He turned to see where they were heading, and his heart sank. They rushed into Youngjae's room, shouting for someone to call an ambulance. Hoseok felt a cold dread wash over him. He ran to Youngjae's room, pushing his way inside through the nurses. His eyes fell onto the young man, laid on the floor with arms outstretched, blood spurting from his wrists. The doctors and nurses tried to wake Youngjae, but he lay unresponsive.

A doctor yelled. "No, pulse!"

"No!" Hoseok screamed. He pushed away at the hands, trying to pull him back. He fell at Youngjae's side, hugging his friend, sobbing his heart out. He begged Youngjae to come back.

"I'm so sorry!" Hoseok wailed. "I'm sorry! Please come back!"

Jin pulled Hoseok away from Youngjae and into a tight hug, he dragged him out of the room.

"Hoseok! Listen to me! He's gone, I'm sorry!"

"No! Help him, jin! You have to. He's my friend!"

"Hoseok I'm sorry. He's gone, there's nothing we can do!"

"No!" Hoseok screamed. "He did this because of me! I should have stayed for him!"

"Hoseok, this is not your fault!"

"It is!"

"No, it's not! You couldn't have stayed for him. If you did that, then you would never leave!"

"But he would still be alive!"

"Hoseok, I'm going to take you back to your room. I don't care what your boyfriend says. You're not going home, not now!"

Hoseok lay his head on Jin's chest, sobbing.

"Nurse!" Jin shouted. All the nurses looked at him. "Uh, nurse Jennie."

Nurse Jennie nodded. "Yes, doctor?"

"Hoseok is staying. I need you to prep his room quickly and administer a relaxant."

"Yes, doctor." Nurse Jennie sped away.

Jin took Hoseok to his office and placed him down in a chair.

"Wait here. I'm going to tell Jungkook that you're staying. I'll be right back."

Hoseok stared at his hands, blankly. He hadn't realised that he was covered in Youngjae's blood. He wiped his hands on his trousers, but they were covered in blood too.

"I caused this," Hoseok mumbled. "That's why I have his blood on my hands. I'm so sorry, Youngjae."