So one hour ago I received an email I've been waiting all day for. An email I've been waiting 2 years for. It was an email back from Cambridge telling me whether or not I had gotten a place to study English there.
A little backstory. I've been preparing for this application for roughly two years. If you look at any of my book logs you'll see the steady increase in niche classics which were read largely for this application to one of the best universities in the world. I worked hard, I spent a whole school term preparing for the admissions test. I even got an interview!
And so today I heard back from them. And I didn't get a place.
Instantly I was gutted. I cried... a lot. This is something I had worked so hard for, something that I had been relentlessly moving towards. And I got rejected. But it's okay, and here's why.
I'm a firm believer that everything happens for a reason, and there must be some reason to this, and I think I've worked out what it is. Studying for three years at Cambridge would mean an incredibly intense and packed term, studying a very traditional course with little leg room to be my own person. At the other universities I've applied to they have these amazing courses which are incredibly diverse. Yes, they're not Cambridge, but could they be... better? Not better objectively, but better for me?
I think today marks something very important. It marks the day when this facade that I've created that there is only one university that it worthy is shattered. Because you know what - I think I liked the idea of Cambridge more than I would actually like the place. And therefore, this rejection has been a blessing in disguise. Because it's time I start focusing on the things I want to learn, and stop trying to be someone I'm not to fit the mould of what I think I should be.
