The Outcast Girl ✔

Chapter Forty Two

•Dedicated to≈ feffaiii
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Gear up! Please listen to these songs before you read or listen while you read :)

Sad Song- We The Kings
Without You- Chris Brown
Please Don't Go- Joel Adams
I'm Sorry But I'm Walking Away- Jamie Lynn
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"When your mental health is bad, give yourself a break. Don't make yourself feel guilty for the things you can't do. Don't feel bad about eating bad, about not doing as much as you normally would. Your human. Its okay to struggle. Look after yourself and your mind. Its important"

"Sometimes, its a battle just to get back to being yourself."

-Kamoyrocks
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Julia's POV

"June, please eat this." My eyes travel to the plate of food that Jace has in his hands.

"I'm not hungry." I say and look back at the wall blankly.

"You've been saying that for three days now." He sighs. "Baby, please. Your starting to scare me. Please eat something. I'll leave you alone so you can meditate after. Everyone is so worried for you. Just please, eat something."

"I'm not hungry." I emotionlessly say.

"June please. For me–"

"I'm not hungry Jace." I look at him blankly. He sighs looking defeated.

"Okay." He leans forward and kisses my forehead. "Let me know when you are hungry. I love you."

When I don't respond, he sighs once again and leaves his room.

This is how it has been, for the past five weeks. I haven't slept. I barely spoke and I just stopped eating the other day.

Some would say that I'm sad, or mad, or even depressed but the truth is.

I'm neither of the three.

I honestly can't say where I stand in my mind at the moment.

Because it to the point where I don't know who I am.

Something happen to me that day. That day I found out that my mother's death was on purpose. The day I found out that she didn't rest in peace like I thought she did.

The day where I found out that she could be alive today, holding me.

But there's nothing I can do about it now, she's already gone. And once someone dies, there's no coming back.

But if I was just there. If I was there that day that demon decided to choke my mother. If I didn't leave the room, my mom would still be here. I could've saved her. I should have saved her.

But I didn't.

And that hurts me more than how I felt when she left this world.

I feel ashamed. I feel guilty, and I feel so hurt and beyond lonely despite having the love of my life by my side.

Something as big as this, something as mind damaging as this, I'm going to need time, and whole lot of it. Not only to achieve the feeling of acceptance, but to get back to being me.

Because right now, that girl is long gone.

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"June." I look up from where I was reading my book to Jace standing there.

"Come and take a shower with me."

"I'll shower later."

"June please. Just shower with me, I want to hold you. Let me talk to you. I just wanna be there for you." He comes in between my legs that were dangling from the edge of the bed.