𝐞𝐠𝐨𝐭𝐢𝐬𝐭𝐢𝐜𝐚𝐥 → 𝐬𝐡𝐚𝐰𝐧 𝐦𝐞𝐧𝐝𝐞𝐬 (𝐢)

fifty-nine [s]

thursday,
september 6th, 2018

SHAWN MENDES

I try my very best to conceal my half-boner as we enter the fancy restaurant by making sure Trinity walks ahead of me, but it proves to be near impossible. I'm relieved when we're seated at our reserved table and I finally have a chance to breathe.

"What do you want, darling?" I ask Trinity, gazing across the dark wood table, my head held up in my hands.

She furrows her eyebrows and bites her lipstick stained bottom lip in thought. I swear to Christ, it takes every fibre in my body not to bend her over this table and fuck her right there and then. She looks unbelievable. Absolutely stunning. It makes me wonder why I ever, ever let her go and why I even thought about having sex with another girl.

"Um, I'll get the rotisserie chicken with veg." She closes her menu and I nod my head. I place my shut menu on hers and grab her hands from across the table. I run my thumbs over her soft skin and watch as a happy smile curls upon her red lips.

"You look magnificent," I tell her. I watch as she puffs out a shy chuckle, brushing a baby hair behind her ear. I admire her tiny hoops and her industrial piercing that I never really noticed until now.

"You complimented me already," Trinity teases me and I shrug with a grin.

"So? You deserve to be complimented twenty four fucking seven. You're divine, you know that?" I hunch forward a little, leaning on my elbows. Her small hands elevate with mine and I twirl her pretty rings around her thin fingers.

"I love your tattoo," she says and before I can respond, a waiter interrupts to take our order. I order for the both of us, going with the rotisserie chicken and veg like T. I order two glasses of champagne as well and the waiter scurries off with a polite grin.

"The bird?" I hum, referring to her earlier comment. She nods and smiles up at me through her lashes. "Pretty, isn't it?"

Trinity purses her thick lips and hesitates before asking, "What do your tattoos signify?"

I raise my eyebrows amusedly and shoot her a warm smile, "You wanna know the meaning behind them?"

"Yes."

I continue messing with Trinity's hands and fingers as I explain each and every one of my tattoos. She makes an approving, cute comment after each one. I watch how she giggles when I tell her how I was drunk whilst getting tattooed before. I watch how her eyes glisten under the overhead lighting and how her straight teeth start to bite her lip but she stops herself from ruining her lipstick. I notice how her cheekbones seem so defined and how her jaw is perfectly structured. My eyes sultrily trail down her body, eyeing up her cleavage and her waist before locking on her chocolate ones again.

"I love you." My whisper falls from my lips and it cuts through whatever she was saying. I couldn't pay attention if I wanted to, her body and face are too wonderful for me not to stare.

"You do?" Trinity asks with a small smile. "After all this time? I mean, I know you told me the other night... but—"

"I told you I would never stop loving you. It was true. I never stopped." The waiter pours us our flutes of champagne and Trinity thanks him quietly. He disappears again and I speak up, "You don't have to tell me you love me. Like I said, I want to make you fall in love with me again. I want to be the one telling you I love you and not hearing it back for a while. I wanna be in your shoes, back when you told me you loved me for the first time. I want it all. Everything. With you."

I unwind my hand from hers to pick up my flute, my fingers wrapping around the glass as I bring it to my lips. I take a sip, my eyes never departing from Trinity's awestruck ones. I cock a brow as I set the glass back down and she narrows her beautiful eyes at me.

"Can I be honest with you?" she asks, folding her arms over one another as she leans forward on the table. Her red dress hangs lower on her chest and I flick my eyes towards her exposed cleavage before nodding with a gulp. "I'm not sure if I love you or not. I mean, I do. I love you, I know I'll always love you. I just can't be certain I'm in love with you. Not after you broke my heart. My head is screaming at me and telling me I shouldn't be in love with you. But my heart... my heart really wants you, Shawn. It really wants to love you again. I mean— to be in love with you again."

"I get that," I say quickly, my eyebrows tugging inward as I glance down at the table. "I'm sorry. Really sorry. But if you give me this chance, and if you love me, I promise it'll be worth it. I swear. I'll love you with every ounce of my being, Trinity. I fucking love you. So much."

Trinity nods and offers a sympathetic smile, "I know. I respect that, and I appreciate that. Just, give me time, okay?"

I nod with a hopeful grin and she lightly chuckles. This time, it's Trinity's turn to intimidate me as she grabs ahold of her champagne glass, cupping her lips around the rim. She takes a small sip before setting it down again, her eyes boring right into mine as she licks her lips slowly. My eyes squint as I scrutinise her.

"I know what you're doing," I tell her lowly.

"Oh?" she smirks, leaning back in her seat. "What am I doing, Shawn? Hm?"

Trinity's right hand raises and she lightly traces her fingertips up her left arm and across her collarbone. Her pinky finger dips down to the top of her breast before her fingers glide back up along the length of her neck and down her jaw. She rests her head against the fist of her hand with an elbow on the table again, chewing on her pinky finger and gazing at me with innocent eyes. I watch her with a clenched jaw, my tongue instinctively swiping across my bottom lip.

"So help me Trinity—"

"Two rotisserie chickens and veg!" the waiter announces, a bit too perky for my liking. He sets the plate in front of me and I mutter a thank you, watching as Trinity begins to squirm under my intense stare. "Anything else?"

"Um- no thank you," Trinity replies politely, breaking our eye contact to send the waiter a flirtatious grin. She eyes him up and down before winking her left eye and he awkwardly clears his throat before nodding with a tight smile and walking off.

"So help me Trinity," I begin again, calmer than before as I grasp my utensils, "I won't hesitate to rush you to the bathroom and fuck you against the wall."

Pride washes through my veins as her eyes briefly widen before she focuses on her chicken, cutting a slice from the side. She nods and we start to eat in silence.

"You know I wouldn't mind you fucking me against a wall," Trinity nonchalantly hums after a few minutes and I unintentionally stab into my chicken harder at her unexpected words. My eyes slowly travel to her face, watching hungrily as she dabs a napkin at the corners of her mouth, takes a sip of her champagne and sucking on her thumb that she had gotten covered in gravy accidentally.

"Not now, Trinity," I warn her, focusing back on my dinner.

She just shrugs and continues on with her dinner. As she finishes up with her veg, she cleans off her fingers and starts to fidget in her seat. She bends down to the floor and I think of it as nothing; she had probably dropped her napkin. But, when her bunched hand extends over the table and she grabs my hand with her opposite one, I am proven to be massively mistaken. She discreetly shoves her thong into my palm and I clutch it, inaudibly grunting at her sudden boldness. I stuff it inside of my suit pants pocket, looking over at her with a sense of restlessness in my stare.

"How about now?"

——
a/n;
lmaooo i love this book so fucking muchhhhh!!!!

fun fact: i hate writing & reading the word panties. FUCKIN EW

fun fact number 2: i THINK i prefer writing in shawn's pov... what do u guys prefer reading?