𝐞𝐠𝐨𝐭𝐢𝐬𝐭𝐢𝐜𝐚𝐥 → 𝐬𝐡𝐚𝐰𝐧 𝐦𝐞𝐧𝐝𝐞𝐬 (𝐢)

fifty-six [t]

monday,
september 3rd, 2018

TRINITY HAYSON

"Are you coming tonight?" Charlie asks over the phone as I plait my damp hair.

I furrow my eyebrows, "I dunno, Charles. I don't even know if he'd wanna see me, to be honest. I mean... he's the one who cut me off. Not the other way 'round."

Charlie sighs at the other end of the line, "I know, I get that. Look, if you wanna come just shoot a text later. It starts at six, okay? We're all going and we'd love for you to come, but you shouldn't feel like you have to either."

"I know," I mumble, "thanks, Charlie. I'll let you know, okay? Love you."

"Love you, T. Bye."

I didn't end up going to his game.

Why would I? After he cutting off all contact with me and excluding me from his life, why on earth would I want to be in the crowd of his basketball match to cheer him on? No way. I wasn't giving in. I decided he wasn't going to get that satisfaction from me.

It took months, but I'm starting to overcome my love for him. I know I'll always love him, how could I not? He meant so much to me. But, it is over. There is most likely no hope left for any spark in some sort of relationship between us. I'm not fully over him, but I am coming to terms with the fact that he isn't mine and I'm not his. I haven't shed a tear over him in a few weeks now, which is something. The last time I allowed myself to cry over him was when he suddenly stopped replying to my texts. Then, I decided to maintain the 'fuck him' attitude and get on with my life. I have my steady job and my friends. I don't need a boy at the moment.

Or so I thought.

But, after texting Jack and finding out his hotel details, I find myself standing outside his hotel room at 11pm. 11-fucking-pm. I don't even know why I came. I don't know what I want to say. I think I just want closure, and hopefully I'll get it. Maybe I shouldn't knock. Maybe I should pretend this never happened and go home to watch Grey's Anatomy in bed.

I find the inner strength to push all my thoughts away and raise my curled fist to the door. I knock twice and I wait thirty seconds before almost turning around to leave. The door swings open before I can turn on my heel and my breath hitches in my throat. Shawn stands there, shirtless and dressed in a pair of white boxer briefs, his hair wet from a shower.

"T-Trinity? Wh—?" He seems speechless, my cheeks instantaneously flush with heat at the sight of his droplet adorned body.

"Um," I clear my throat, "hi?"

Shawn offers a tiny smile, "Hi. Do you want to come in?"

"You're half naked," I blurt, my eyes widening as I mentally slap myself straight up the side of my head. I curse under my breath at my embarrassing comment whereas Shawn just chuckles lightly.

"That, I am."

I trail my eyes from the floor up his body where I meet his honey swirled eyes. He has a small smirk pulling at his reddened lips and I gulp before nodding, stepping inside the messy hotel room. He shuts the door and I turn to face him once again.

"So, what brings you here?" Shawn folds his arms across his fit chest and leans back against the door, not even bothering to pull on some pants or something.

"Truthfully?" I hum and Shawn nods, eager for me to go on. "I don't know."

"Oh," he breathes, looking away for a moment before meeting my eyes once more, "you wanna talk?"