You woke up once again alone. The sun had just started to shine in through the windows. You sat there with your thoughts of last night playing over and over like a dvd on repeat. The warmth of him, the way he smelled, the cadence of his breathing and light snores. You dropped your head to your hands. You told yourself you had to do this; no matter how bad it hurt.
You pulled yourself up out of the bed. You did your regular morning routine. After you made yourself decent you placed your makeup, toothbrush and other supplies in a bag. You changed into a plain white t-shirt and an old pair of blue jeans. You made the bed one last time. You checked the room over once more. If you were honest with yourself; you were stalling.
You stepped out of the bedroom and listened for a sign that Niall was anywhere in the house. Not a noise to be heard. It stung a little. Him not being there should have made it easier to leave. You felt bad that you didn't get to tell him goodbye. You decided to put your words on paper. It would be easier that way.
You opened the door where your boxes waited for you. You jumped out of your skin and let out a yelp when you saw him setting on the end of the bed. “Shit Niall! What the hell are you doing in here? I thought you were gone." You had a hand over your heart and tried to catch your breath.
He didn't say a word. His eyes fixated on the three boxes by the door. You looked at the boxes and instantly felt your heart drop to your stomach. You sighed as you laid your bag atop the boxes. “I’ll get these out in a few minutes.” Niall looked up at you for the first time since you walked into the room. You could see the hurt and confusion in his eyes. “Why?” That was the only word he spoke. You waited to see if there was more questions but there wasn't. You let your head fall back and blow out a deep needed sigh. “You know why Niall. It's just not there anymore.”
He sat glued to the bed. He squinted up at you as if it hurt his eyes to look at you. His cheeks were flushed and his ears had a tinge of red on the tips. “What's not there? What’a ya talkin ‘bout.” His voice was a little wavy and heavy with his accent.
“Please don't do this. Not now,” the words fell from your lips like droplets of blood from a fresh cut. You looked down at your sock covered feet so you wouldn't be trapped in his beautifully sad blue eyes. You knew it was gonna hurt, but nothing could have prepared you for this. A blade to the heart would have hurt less than the pain in your entire being at this moment.
“So you were jus’ gonna run out on me? Not let me have a say on anything?” his words slapped you right in the face. You couldn't protest because that was exactly what you had planned. Your non-answer was all the answer he needed to know he was right. He stood from the end of the bed. Stepped toe to toe with you and waited. You looked up to his face and saw the hurt, confusion and anger all play across his features.
“When did it happen,” his tone soft but his gaze hard right into your own eyes. It felt like he he was searching your soul for his answers. “What?” You were confused by this simple question. “When did you fall out of love with me?” His eyes fluttered as they turned glassy and he looked up to the ceiling.
You gasped for air as his words hit you. You were taken aback after you replayed his question in your head. “What do you mean? When did I? I never stopped loving you. You're the one who changed. You're the one that fell out of love Niall not me,” you barely forced the last words out before the tears fell from your eyes.
Niall ran a hand over his face and through his already tousled hair. “Wh-what’ya mean me?” He looked down at you and raised his arms up to pull you into his warm embrace but he stopped. His hands went to your cheeks, and he tried to wipe away your tears as he fought to keep his own at bay. “I never stopped. I never could stop. You mean more to me than you could ever know.” His voice sounded shaken the more he spoke.
You tried to look away from him, but his hands wouldn't let you. You did the only thing you could to cut him out of your sight. You closed your eyes so you couldn't see anything of what was happening. Every piece of you hurt and you hated it. “Look at me please.” You couldn't do it. You sniffed and told him you couldn't. “It hurts too much Niall. I just can't. Please just let me go. We both know the love isn't there anymore.”
You heard him take a deep breath and felt him remove his hands from your face. You almost crumbled into a million broken pieces with the loss of his touch. “No. It's not gone. This is not over Petal.” Your breath caught in your chest when he called you that pet name. You had not been called that in a long time.
You opened your eyes just in time to see him lean in. His hands cupped your face lightly. His eyes closed just before your lips made contact. His lips pressed to yours and you could feel your heart beating trying to beat its way out of your chest. Your hands found their way to his chest, and you could feel his heartbeat under your palm. The kiss was a soft tender vulnerable kiss that you had not felt since the beginning of your relationship. When you both were unsure about everything. All you knew was you could face anything as long as you had each other.
When he broke the kiss you were both out of breath. His forehead pressed to yours he whispered so soft you almost missed it. “Please don't leave me. There's nothing I wouldn't do for you my love.”
Your already beaten and battered heart skipped a beat with his plead. You slowly opened your eyes to look at him. He kissed you again with the same tenderness. “I will do anything to prove my love for you. Tell me you still feel it.”
You sniffed and fluttered your eyelids trying to hold back the tears again. You nod and tell him, “I can still feel it.” Your plan to leave had fallen to the wayside. You were going to stay with him and fight for this; alongside the man you still loved with all your heart.
