I like KitKat

19

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Song 19 - Yung Blud - Anarchist
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Arthit's POV
I've made a mistake. I did it again. What's wrong with me?

Pha must hate me right now. I had to find him and explain everything to him. I might be a sociopath but I'm still his brother.

I pulled out my phone. I had no signal. How typical could this get? I had been looking for Pha for a number of hours now but I still couldn't find him.

I came across the noodle shop where I used to take Pha when he was younger.

"Maybe he's in there" I thought.

I knew joonie worked there but I just prayed he wasn't on shift and his father wasn't there either. I don't think either of them would be happy to see me especially his dad.

I sat at a table and began searching for signal. But I kept getting distracted by the giggling coming from the booth behind me.

I turned around and it was none other than my ex, sat with a boy who was trying to conceal his  windscreen wiper esque laughter but he wasn't doing a very good job. I didn't know what they were laughing about but it must have been something really funny since they were both dying. Both of there eyes were filled with tears.

I turned around trying to hide my growing jealousy of the couple. He's moved on maybe I should too.

Well wasn't that what I was trying to do?
I don't even know at this point.

I think I was just lonely and needed someone to fill that gap in my heart. I hadn't felt love in a very long time. Yes I had sex with other people when I was gone but it was just one night stands, there was no connection there, it was just careless physical attraction.

I doubted joonie would do anything like that. He probably dated no one until this guy showed up. I felt anger rising up.

THAT.

SHOULD.

BE.

ME.

I should leave before I do something I'll regret later.

But I couldn't.

I had signal here and I needed to talk to my brother and tell him what happened whilst I was gone. Nothings black and white. He didn't know what I went through. Neither did the rest of my family. Like they would care anyway.

Regret washed over me once again. I almost raped someone. I could blame it on drugs but that's still no excuse. I'm a total fucking mess. I need help but I'm too stubborn to ask for it.

I was stupid, so stupid. I didn't even do it discreetly. I didn't hide my face. Kit saw me.

I was surprised he didn't recognise me but then again it was dark and I have changed a lot since we last saw each other. Mentally and Physically.

You could say a lot of things changed. Studying abroad was not easy at all. The loneliness was almost suffocating. It pushed me to the edge.

I wish I had someone to hold me down and look after me. But that was never gonna happen. I'm damaged goods after all.

How could someone look at me and what I've done in my past and not be disgusted?

I guess I'll never know.

As I continued down my spiral of self pity. Someone caught my attention.

It was none other than my brother. He was sat at a table with a boy, he looked younger and they seemed to be enjoying each others company. The boy looked thrilled to even be talking to Pha. It was cute, he was cuter.