Seducing My Bully (BWWM)

Chapter 33-Depression

Two months later

Matt went and got himself some help. Jason told me he checked himself in a mentally ill hospital voluntarily. I don't know why though, he's not insane, but he chose to do it. I supported him fully. I visited him almost everyday. Anyone could see he was depressed. Hell..I was depressed. He told me by the time he gets released, that he wants me to choose who I want to be with.

Him or Jin

How could I choose between two brothers that I loved?

Jin and I haven't talked. In fact, he's been totally avoiding me. Jason had to tell me that Jin wants to see the kids every weekend. That's what we both settled for until Matt gets out.

He was going to fight for his kids.

But he wasn't going to fight for me...not anymore.

And it killed me.

I've been staying with Cindy to help me cope with all these dramatic changes that been happening in my life; two brothers fighting, one hated me and now my children are going from parent to parent. The only child that complained was Junior. He was terrified of Jin, so it's only Dream that goes and sees her father.

I haven't seen Jin for nearly two months. I don't know why he was treating me like this. Yes I get it, I should have told him the truth, but that didn't mean he could just ignore me like I meant absolutely nothing to him. He told Jason to tell me that he never wanted to see me again. And honestly...it hurt.
If he loved me why would he be so quick to give up on me?

I missed him.

All this depression made me gain so much weight. It was astonishing, I was way bigger then how I was in high school. And the weight didn't go well with my body. I was even too scared to step on the scale because the last time I stepped on it, I almost hit 280...and I know I gained at least 50 more pounds. I felt disgusting and all I could do was eat the pain away. My stomach was huge, my arms were huge and my rolls came back. I hated seeing myself naked. The stretch marks came back, the double chins came back and I just felt like an unattractive slob.

I often weep myself to sleep because of this.

~~~

It was almost the afternoon and I was expecting Jason to come pick up Dream to drop her off his apartment to spend quality time with Jin. So I got her ready. She was jumping up and down with excitement. "He's taking me bowling!" She cheesed. My heart skipped a beat. I needed to get information from her. So as I was buttoning her shirt I said "how is he? Is he taking anyone with you guys?"

She started playing with her hair and shrugged "no, but he wants Junior to come"

I looked back at my toddler. He was in his stool playing with his fruit snacks. He hasn't seen his father in weeks and I didn't want him to feel comfortable from that. So when I finished buttoning her shirt, I went over to him and asked him if he wanted to see his dad. He immediately shook his head. I tried to explain to him that his father loved him and would love to see him. He just sat there and stared at his snacks. I brought his face to mine "I'll get your shoes, and you can go with Dream okay?"

He poked out his lower lip and whispered "no"

"Why? He's your dad"

He shrugged "he makes you sad"

I stood up and gazed down at my son. He noticed? My three year old noticed? God what kind of mother am I? The last thing I wanted was for him to be mad at Jin because of my emotional side. "He's doesn't make me sad Junior." I said biting my lip. "But you know what will make me happy?" I said forcing a smile. Still frowning he whispered "what?"