War of Hormone | JJK

Chapter 28

"It was Jungkook's, right?" She raises her eyebrows.

"Yes." I roll my eyes jokingly. "My mom asked the same thing, you guys really thought it could be someone else's?" I question, honestly.

"Hey, I was just asking. How did your mom take the news?"

"A lot better than I expected. She wasn't mad at me. I thought she was going to be furious because she talked to me multiple times about focusing and not doing anything to interfere with college. Most of that involved Jungkook because she knows we fuck around and ever since he moved in she's really been on my back. I can't really blame her though. I mean, exactly what she didn't want to happen, happened."

I look down, reflecting on this whole situation, disappointed in myself.

"It's okay, Maddy. It was an accident. It's not like you planned for something like this to happen."

"No, I didn't, you're right. But it is my fault, I haven't really been consistent with my birth control and we haven't used a condom in forever." I admit.

"Okay, I love you, but that's pretty stupid." She laughs, but not in a malicious way, in a more honest way, which I appreciated.

I laugh at her comment.

"I completely agree with you. It was very stupid. We were both stupid." She smiles lightly.

"How are you feeling now?" She asks.

"I'm okay. But it was a long day. It was really emotional, actually. This might sound crazy, but I'm a little upset. I'm relieved, because I don't want a baby, definitely not now at least, but I still lost one, you know? Like there was a human being living inside of me and I didn't even know. I don't know, it's a lot to take in and it just sounds crazy."

"That doesn't sound crazy at all. That's completely valid. Even though you didn't know and weren't pregnant for very long, you still had that mother's instinct. Now I'm probably the one that sounds crazy, but it's true. You lost your child. Sure, you didn't want one and you weren't ready, but that doesn't mean that still wasn't your own child. You know?" I feel so relieved that she understands. She understands me a lot better than Jungkook did. I don't think he'll ever understand, to be honest. But I'm glad Dana does.

The situation mixed with Dana's reaction made the tears come back.

"You're right." I sniffle. "I felt weird about it. I tried to tell Jungkook but he didn't really understand. It's not his fault, but I'm glad at least you do. But I can't stop thinking about other what ifs."

"First of all, he's a stupid boy. Second, like what kind of what ifs?"

"Well, I was thinking like what if nothing had happened today and I didn't have a miscarriage. When would I have found out I was pregnant? Or what if I found out another way, instead of finding out through the miscarriage, like would I have kept it? There are so many possibilities." A million thoughts are racing in my mind right now. I honestly wouldn't even know how to handle this situation if it happened any other way.

"Well, luckily, you don't have to think about that. Everything that happened, happened for a reason and you can't change that. You can't possibly think about what you could've done in another situation because you're not in it. If you actually were in that situation, you would act differently and think differently in that moment."

"You're right. I shouldn't think about that."

"No you shouldn't. You should be focusing on school." She says sternly, but only for my best interest.

"I can't believe I start in two weeks. And I can't believe I have the next two weeks off of work, completely. It's crazy to think that."

"You definitely need a break though, Maddy. That's why the doctor made you stay home and not go. Plus, you need to get ready for school! I'm so excited for you, I'll help you go shopping for supplies. Oh and clothes! You're gonna need new clothes."