Sax (VKook +18 English version)

II - Lost

He couldn't stop watching his own white skin in the mirror; he placed his index finger on the tip of his nose and went down to the mouth to reach his lips. Jungkook had been very distracted that Tuesday because of everything that had happened the day before. He wasn't enthusiastic about learning how to play the guitar anymore, the only thing he could think of was Kim Taehyung. He squeezed his eyes and took a breath. 

"Your excitement never lasts long enough, you idiot," he said to himself before seeing the reflection of a guitar resting on the bed. He was supposed to spend the afternoon doing Physics homework and practicing what Hoseok had taught him. But he couldn't concentrate enough; he only focused on the desire that he felt for that beautiful saxophonist.

After a few minutes Jungkook was able to think about something else: on everything that his instrument signified to him. He had never thought about it before but now he realized that everything in his life was meant to build his future, he couldn't have a hobby without making it productive. 

His parents had taught him to become obsessed with the future; it was impossible for him to have brief moments of leisure without feeling guilt. He played sports in part because that might get him a scholarship when he started college, he avoided wasting time on social networks, he used to went out of his way to get good grades in every subject and now he even felt the need to be the best guitar player in his class. But he knew that Taehyung's physical and abstract presence would stop him, his parents would end up hating him if he failed. 

He was not sure if the best thing to do was to satisfy his desire for Tae quickly and then leave him behind or if he simply had to make a better effort trying to forget everything about it.

"I haven't heard you play anything, Kookie," a deep voice made him come back to reality. His dad looked at him, smiling. 

"I haven't been able to practice because I have a lot of homework but I will do it," he answered. His parents were not evil but they were strict and that meant they expected the best from their kids. Jin had done everything he could to get a job at the best elementary school in the city and he had succeeded; now it was Jungkook's turn to excel in some way. 

The moment was coming for him, but he felt helpless, he blamed being a teenager for having all these confusions. Right now he didn't have time to think about sex or boyfriends but there he was, obsessed with it.

A year ago Jungkook had lost his virginity with a girl. It didn't happen at a crazy party or at a bar at midnight, as it occurred to his friends; he wasn't sure about his sexual preferences either, unlike Jimin, who had always known that he liked men. No, Kookie was still wondering if he liked boys or girls, maybe the genre didn't matter, he wasn't sure. 

On his first time he had done it with a blonde girl who was two years older than him, both hidden in the high school's maintenance room. She had suggested it and Kookie didn't even think he could refuse the idea.

He sighed when he remembered those memories and then smiled at the thought that maybe he had always liked older people, at least that was clear to him. 

"What are you thinking about? Don't get so distracted, boy," his father had shaken him again with his words. The boy silently denied and sat on his bed, where he began to practice his guitar lessons.