heartbreak girl | s.m.

20 | realizations

And then I saw the girl with the blonde hair, leaning over the back of the couch, seeming to be watching this conversation unfold. Our eyes met for a split second before she looked away, and I thought she looked oddly familiar. Maybe I caught her eyes at a party before she went to make out with my boyfriend.

This is what I suspected, that's why I kicked the fucking door, but at the same time I was hoping he really was just busy. But there she is, and there he is, and it's like a bad dream that feels way too real.

I felt like bursting into tears, but I was too shocked to cry. There she is. The girl who is everything you're not. She's giving him what you couldn't. Of course there's someone else. You were an idiot to think there wasn't.

"Gemma," he began to speak, but I shook my head.

"Just don't," I said, taking a step back. I felt like my throat was closing up. "I knew you would do this. I knew you would."

And with that, I turned and began to walk away, bunching up the sleeves of my sweater into my fists, rubbing them under my eyes to stop the tears that I already felt coming.

I got into my car quickly, backing out and leaving his house as fast as I could. I saw him standing on the sidewalk as I drove away, as if he had come to get me but then didn't actually get me. He must have decided I wasn't worth the fight.

I wiped my eyes with my sleeve again, starting to cry harder now. It was too dangerous for me to drive now, with my tears falling down like a fucking waterfall at this point, so I pulled over at a gas station and sat in the far end of the parking lot where nobody could see me, continuing to cry.

I pulled out my phone and sent a couple texts. The first to Edith:

me
he was cheating on me

me
on the bright side, things are much clearer to me now

I remembered that she's been going to bed at like, eight o'clock lately, so I doubt she'll see even see my stupid message.

Great.

Then I sent one to Shawn:

me
he cheated on me. i'm very sad. you can have one "i told you so" and that's it for at least a month

A few minutes later, my phone began to ring. I already knew it was him.

I wished I wasn't still sobbing so I wouldn't sound like such an idiot over the phone, but alas.

"Hello?" I answered, sniffling.

"Hey," he answered, his voice calm. "I'm really sorry, Gem.

"Don't be sorry. It's not your fault. I was the idiot who stayed with him after all this time," I replied, and the thought of how much time I spent trying to make this work made me start sobbing all over again. Two years of my life to a boy who couldn't help but sleep with another girl when I just wanted a couple of days to get my shit together. Was that too much to ask? I put my hand over my mouth and tried to keep myself quiet, but it wasn't working as well as I wanted.

"Gemma, I..." he started, but didn't finish. "Can I come over?"

I calmed myself down a bit, my tears slowing. "I'm not home. I just left his stupid house."

"Well you're not driving like this, are you?"

God, he worries way too much.