He would look after you

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"Michelle, keep an eye on the bar. I'm just gonna go upstairs to check on the kids." I said to Michelle before leaving the bar and going upstairs. I checked on Bella who was first asleep. Then went into the boys room, where they were lying on the bottom bunk together chatting.
"Didn't I tell you two it was bed time?" I said as I went in and sat down on the end of their bed.
"Mummy, is Daddy home yet?" Ollie asked. I shook my head.
"No, he's not going to be back for a while so you'll just have to see him in the morning ok?" I told them before stroking their cheeks and kissing their foreheads. "Now go to sleep please." I said before getting up from the bed and leaving their room. It had been a month since Theo had come to live with us and since he had his relationship with Ollie and Bella had gone from strength to strength. He was enjoying school and loved playing football. I couldn't have been prouder of the way he had settled into being here. The funeral had taken place and the days surrounding that were hard, but he's learnt that he can talk to me.

I went back down the stairs and into the bar, which was getting busier. There was a hen party on for someone mine and Charlie's friend was getting married to. I was invited so every so often would wonder over and have a chat. But I was also working, and tired, so I served drinks and chatted to customers, looking to the door every time it opened to see it was Charlie. He had gone to a stag party of the fiancé of the hen party. As much as I wanted him to have fun, I missed him when we weren't together. I wanted to have fun as well because his uncle, who had been like a Dad to him when he was growing up died, two weeks ago. He was old and Charlie knew it was going to happen, but it had hit him hard, like really hard. I was glad he was going out to have fun but I was worried about him. I continued working until everyone had left the pub. Bethany went home and Michelle went through to the back, before returning a few minutes later with a cup of tea. I took it from her as I sat down on one of the bar stools. I checked through my phone and saw a text from Charlie, which was sent almost two hours ago, which read Hope you're alright. Thank you for getting me to go out. I love you and will never stop loving you. C xxx I smiled as Michelle sat next to me, looking at me.
"How are you?" She asked. I knew there was something she was trying to get out of me .
"I'm fine, really I'm alright." I told her as I took a sip of tea.
"Fine and alright are not good or great are they?" She said hinting at something.
"I'm just tired." I told her. She got up and stroked my hair before kissing it. It had been ages since she'd done that. But I let her do it and sat while she cleared the tables. Mum had just gone to see some friends in LA, which she didn't do as much anymore, so Michelle and I were enjoying some time with each other while she was away.

A few minutes later there was a knock at the front door,
"We're shut" I shouted.
"Mrs Thompson, it's the police, please could you let us in." a voice replied from behind the front door. Michelle and I looked at each other. I got up and went to the door before opening it. The two men were stood holding onto their hats. "Mrs Thompson please could we speak to you inside, regarding your husband." I thought he must have got in trouble for something, I opened the door to let them inside.

I don't remember what happened after that. In my mind it's all a blur. It was like there were people talking but in my mind I wasn't able to put together the words they were saying. I remember feeling as if I was going to collapse and needing to sit down. All I was thinking about was that I needed to not get stressed out, I needed to keep calm for the babies.

The next thing I remember was coming back to the pub. Harry was sat on the bar, he looked as if he'd been crying. I went over to him and he got down and hugged me. It was that safe feeling again, the one of feeling protected and I let him cry into my shoulder. I had tears but I never let him see them. He pulled away and looked at Michelle. She had been crying as well.
"Why don't we go and have a cuppa?" Michelle said, as the door behind her opened and Johnny appeared.
"I'm sorry, I called Johnny, I hope that's alright. And I called Carla too, she'll be on the first flight back." Harry said. I smiled and nodded as he walked towards me and hugged me.
"Isla, I am so sorry." He whispered into my ear. I didn't reply. Things weren't making sense in my head so I couldn't put the words into an order to say. I followed Johnny and Michelle through to the back room, with Harry behind me. I sat down at the table. I didn't know what to do. I was absolutely exhausted and wanted to go to bed, but I knew that if I did I wouldn't be able to sleep. I needed to tell the kids, but I was terrified to break their hearts. I thought about them, their tiny innocent minds tucked up in bed, with no idea that I am going to have to tell them something that will break their world. I don't know when to tell them. I don't know what to tell them when I do decide to tell them. I don't know if I'll be able to answer their questions.
"Here you go Isla." Michelle said, interrupting my thoughts as she placed a mug on the table in front of me. I heard a floorboard creek upstairs and looked towards the stairs for a minute, but no one appeared. Instead of going to check on the kids I got up and sat down on the sofa, holding onto my mug of tea. Harry was sat next to me and put his arm around my shoulder. Johnny and Michelle spoke, but in my mind I wasn't comprehending what they were saying. I could see their lips moving but none of it was going in. Most things seem a blur from then. I don't know if I drank my tea, I don't know if Johnny and Michelle went home or Harry went up to bed. I don't know if someone locked the front doors before going to bed. I don't even know if I got changed before I went to bed.

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