Alternate Timeline- Bardock's Earthly Adventures

Chapter 13: Piggy Problem

The two Bardock's were locked in the most intense staring contest the world had ever seen. Goku was dazed. He couldn't ask many questions that were of a personal nature, as Bardock never opened up to his son. He knew nothing of his past. But he had an idea.
"Ok. I'll ask a question only the real Bardock would know the answer to. It'll be a hard one, too." Goku said confidently. The real Bardock looked at his son in confusion. What did he know?
"Ok...How old am I?" Goku asked, waiting for either Bardock to say 14. But to his surprise, both Bardocks sat there counting on their fingers.
"Ok, ok. Easier question. Who raised me?" Goku asked, throwing figurative bones as much as he could. But again, both Bardocks were stumped. Goku had nearly lost hope. The real Bardock had nearly lost patience. But Goku had one last trick.
"Easiest question ever. Why do you-" WHUMP! Goku's question was cut off by Bardock punching the other Bardock! The Bardock on the ground cried out in pain, before turning into a bat.
"Ouch! Ho-How crazy strong are y-you people?! I'm outta he-here!" Oolong cried, attempting to leave. But to his surprise, Bardock sprinted and grabbed his wing.
"Na, you're not going anywhere, pork. You're my ticket to the next Dragonball." Bardock said as he dragged Oolong back into the town.
"Hey Kakarot! Get me some rope or something!" He called on his way. Everyone in the village was gathered around the strange angry man who was restraining a pig in uniform. Bulma made her way through the crowd.
"Alright, pig. The jig is up. Where are the girls? Hurry up! Otherwise my psycho friend might just eat you up." She said in a singsong tone, terrifying Oolong as he saw the crazy look in Bardock's eye.
"Ok, ok! I'l-I'll lead the way. Th-They're all just fine, I swear on my t-tail." The pig choked out. Bardock grabbed the rope his son had retrieved and hog tied him. He let go, and crouched next to him.
"Try anything, and there won't even be enough of you left to fry, pig." He whispered before standing up. His threat had the desired affect, as Oolong didn't attempt anything the whole trip. After a near twenty minute walk, the crew saw a large oriental gate.
"He-here it is, fo-folks. M-my luxurious abo-abode." He proclaimed as he gestured, leaving most onlookers in awe. Most. Bardock couldn't care less. He was getting uncomfortable having so many weaklings look at him. Inside the estate, to the shock of many a concerned parent, was every girl who had been 'abducted' by Oolong.
"Se-see?! T-they're all ok. Bu-but please, take 'em away. The-these girls have cost me a fortune." Oolong told the villagers, which lead to many a joyous reunion. Bardock didn't care. He approached the old lady.
"Hey grams, we held up our end of the bargain. Now ball me." He stated, holding out his hand. The old woman nodded before pressing the ball into his hands. Bardock tightened his grip before chuckling. Only two left, and Bardock would wish for Frieza's head at his feet. He liked that idea very much. He made his way to Bulma in the crowd.
"Well, where does your thingy say we're going next?" He asked, growing restless. Bulma took out her map. "FryPan mountain we go! But hey, before we leave, let's get Oolong to join us." Bulma said as the team followed her to a river.
"Why?" Both Bardock and Goku asked in sync.
"I think his whole shape shifting thing would be useful." Bulma stated as she rummaged through her bag. The saiyans shrugged before going to grab Oolong. Bardock picked him up and brought him to Bulma's new boat. Bulma drove, Bardock slouched in shotgun, while Goku held Oolong down in the back.
"Alright, it's three days away, but as long as we have this boat, we should all be just fine." Bulma said as they cruised over the water.
"Hey dad." Goku said, surprising Bardock.
"Watcha need kid?" Bardock asked, sitting back in his seat.
"Well I was just wondering... why didn't you answer the questions earlier?" Goku asked, obviously uncomfortable. The saiyans sat in silence for quite sometime before Bardock cleared his throat.
"I figured you wouldn't know the correct answer. Plus, my way settled it quick." Bardock supplied, wondering if he should tell his son.
"Well... ok... that's works." Goku said as he resumed being his chipper self. But Bardock knew he wasn't content. He could just tell.
"Alright, how bout this: Next time we set up camp somewhere, and we have the time, I'll tell ya bout our home planet. And my old squad. And...your mom." Bardock said, trailing off. Bulma glances over, surprised. The big beast was going to open up?! They continued going in silence, until the engine began to stutter.
"Uh oh. I think we're out of gas!" Bulma nearly yelled, panicking.
"What's gas?" Bardock asked, waking up.
"The thing we need. So we can go!" Bulma yelled. Bardock stood up and stretched.
"How bout I push it to that shore?" He asked, pointing at the far shore.
"Oh. I was gonna make Oolong turn into an oar, but I guess that works." Bulma said, only mildly dissatisfied. Bardock hopped in the water, and grabbed the back. He then began kicking. The boat went faster then it had ever gone before. They boat was on the verge of hydroplaning when it hit the sandbar. Bulma jumped out of the boat.
"We've got a long ways to go. We'll have to cross through that desert!" She pointed to the biggest expanse of sand Bardock had ever seen.

Power Levels:
Bardock(post swim): 12,434
Goku: 17
Bulma: 2
Oolong: 5