BOOK SUGGESTIONS/ CRITICIZE FOR FREE! II

The Lady Of Red

Hi!

This is a genuinely good vampire book. I am enjoying this!

Minor issues/tips:

When you put an ellipses ("three little dots" meaning, "...") you tend to put 4 dots instead of 3. This can take away from the book! It's a "beginner's mistake" that many new-to-writing writers do it often. Looking at that punctuation can turn off a reader, no matter how good the writing is!

The writing is fantastic though. I really like it, and it draws you in easily.

Another small tip you might want to consider is to italicize the character's personal thoughts.

Example: (Chapter 1: Encounter, page 2)

" Katora expressed her extreme annoyance. I am forced to marry this, this idiot because he can't realize something? "

Correction:

" Katora expressed her extreme annoyance. I am forced to marry this, this idiot because he can't realize something? "

These issues are only prominent in the first chapter, they clear up in those following. I'd suggest you review that very first chapter and look over all the tiny details--when somebody first picks up a book/opens it up on Wattpad, the first thing you notice is punctuation/grammar, then the content. At a first glance, if a reader sees it completely massacred (which yours, thankfully, is not) with bad punctuation, horrible grammar and full of little typos... It really turns the reader off! It's difficult to read with all that.

So yours is not filled with mini typos and tense changes and bad grammar. Yours is actually far from that. It's well written, the characters are easy to understand and we can see, with ease, how Katora feels and we can truly relate to her. The plot is easy to follow as well.

But... you have small typos, forgetting punctuation marks, or commas, sometimes a quotation mark to indicate the speaker is done speaking, etc., but it just needs a fresh eye and patience to not really read the work but to look for technical errors. So not getting caught up in the story, in other words.

I really like how you emphasize Katora dehumanizing him. It's interesting, especially because we have given life to vampires (no pun intended) in modern literature--this book takes all that fluff away. It goes back to older vampires, the typical ones that can be found now in only old myths. And I love how he disspells the myth of human blood... I won't ruin the spoiler for those who are planning to read this book!

What I like is how carefully crafted this is--something just screams "They're going to get married! And fall in love!" ... But the characters say the exact opposite! I also like how they get onto each other, addressing little things like smell--if you can't stand the smell of your spouse, then how can you stand them for a while? It's the little things you address that add so much to this story. And later, the hair cut. They notice little things. It's cute and interesting... not to mention realistic! This really gives the story a certain ability to relate to the characters despite the circumstances. They just do so many couple-typical things... it's just amazing. As time goes on, they become more aware of how the other is. It's interesting.

I like the omniscent narrator perspective, it's very refreshing considering how many works are being made in first person. I also really like your vocab, for example "misanthrope" was a word I didn't know before! Very nice. Chapter 15 is just... Character change! At the right time too! Perfect timing, a lot of writers have issues with that.

The pace is nice, not too slow or fast. Just perfect.

Not to mention the setting! Oh, the setting. The universe you created just keeps more and more questions coming, making the readers marvel at every single chapter! The creatures (especially the driders) just make you think anything is possible, in this book. It's so cool.

Honestly advertise this book of yours! It's super good. I sincerely mean you should continue it! I've added it to "Book Tips" reading list... That means that people should read your book as a work that can be looked up to in quality.

Keep writing (and reviewing)!

~Julian

PS: Sorry for the long wait for the review!

Date: 24 June 2014