BOOK SUGGESTIONS/ CRITICIZE FOR FREE! II

Les Hybrides

BeOverlyUnique!

I apologize for such the long wait, but the review is here!

I love the story, it's becoming increasingly difficult to find things that are 'wrong' with the story!

I think you need to work on making your sentences a little longer, because it's making the story a little choppy. Then again, it's on the perfect balance between 'intended choppy' (to give the story a rough, realistic feel) and 'not-intended choppy', where the writing is so choppy it become difficult to read with all the pauses.

Example:

Original: chapter 1, pg 5

"It's alright, I understand more than you think. My sister and I used to get into fights all the time. You're not as tough as you think, Scarr. I know that you've been through a lot, but you're not as coldhearted as you act. Trust me, I've been there. But this is great. You and Amalie could fix everything. Be real sisters again. Oh, maybe she could even visit us sometimes. I'd love to meet her," Zona continued babbling, lost in thought.

Edited:

"It's alright, I understand more than you think; my sister and I used to get into fights all the time. You're not as tough as you think, Scarr. I know you've been through a lot, but you're not as coldhearted as you act--trust me, I've been there. But this is great! You and Amalie could fix everything, be real sisters again. Oh, maybe she could even visit us sometimes, I'd love to meet her," Zona continued babbling, lost in thought.

Overall really well written, I like the way you keep things nice and linear and in perspective.

Quick question: Why is the title French? Is this an original French book? Je peut faire des critiques en français aussi.

Keep writing!!

Date: 21 December 2013