BOOK SUGGESTIONS/ CRITICIZE FOR FREE! II

The Mate He Never Wanted

Hello pretty_princess09!

I'm not usually into wolf stories, but this one caught me by surprise, apparently. It's really good!!

I pretty much had a heart attack when you said there was a rogue attack O.o I am not sure why... I think it has to do with the fact that I got attached to the main character so quickly, seeing as she is not a high ranking wolf--infact, the lowest. It's easier to relate to flawed characters, or at least, those that aren't particularily rich, high ranking, or anything. Sorry I'm babbling.

I would revise and add some details to give perspective. By part 3 of your book though, it is somewhat confusing!

Questions the reader is asking at chapter/part 3:

-Okay so is she human? How often does she transform? Does she even transform?

-Who is this 'Hope' person/wolf/(??) ?

-Random mate???

You might want to explain more about the whole ranking system (I used to have an obsession with wolves, so I know about it... XD plus I watched the movie Alpha & Omega in 2010).

Explain the 'mating'/'bonding' process by chapter 1 and 2, or at least the gist of it.

Watch out for the basic typos (Ex: 'il do it' as opposed to 'I'll do it') and some grammar. Your story is very very very VERY great, but it's riddled with typos, punctuation and more which hinder the story's full potential on Wattpad. Revise revise revise!!! Get friend to help you out.

Clear up if she was born wolf or human in the first couple chapters...?

Overall I think it was a great read, the story was very intriguing and I LOVE the character dynamics! You just need to work on a little more description in the beginning, because there is a fine line between intriguing (I want to learn more! readreadread!!) and not enough (okay, i still dont get it, already three or four parts and it's obviously important but there's so little description i don't get it. new story time!) You're balancing very very dangerously on that fine line. BUT--it's on the intriguing side most of the time. Details and a little explanantion WILL get you clear over the line. ^_^

I looovvvveeeeee the rogues and the romance being together. The fact that we were all caught up in romance for quite a while and then BAM--rogues again!!!!!

This makes me think of "Teal Seer" (TylerDurrDurr on Youtube) and I'm not sure why :P . It also makes me think of "I Don't Believe You" by P!NK. The beginning and tension is just so SAD D: Jay is such a poophead. ):<

Jay makes me think of Heathcliff from Wuthering Heights: he's a total buttbutt but still... omg!! You just love him!!

This is awesome. Bottom comments:

1. I don't like wolf stories. I like yours. You are special.

2. REVISE on technical errors

3. More physical description on surroundings, using flashbacks might help explain a character's past.

4. I love the character dynamics!!!!!!! <3 :D

Date: 22 December 2013