Finding Me {Niall Horan} completed

Chapter Thirty Three: Excuses

Niall’s POV

I held her in my arms as she blanked out, she was breathing heavily and tears stained her cheeks. I was panicking but I tried to remain as calm as possible, she would be okay, things just became too much for her so she blanked out it’s happened before. I picked her up and carried her to her room and laid her down on her bed. I positioned myself beside her so that when she woke up I would be there. I remembered back to the last time this happened and remembered how she had been listening before signalling that she was awake so that’s when I decided to just talk to her.

“It’ll be alright, I know this is hard on you but it will be fine. Like the reporter said your dad has always loved you and he always will. You need to be with your family, your mum probably needs you, and so would your brother. They need you Ellie so please wake up, ring one of them and be gentle. It’ll be alright, please don’t feel guilty for not being there whilst your dad was in hospital, it was your choice to not visit him and you had a reason.”

“Hearing over the news maybe wasn’t the best thing for you but either way you know. You don’t have to do something immediately but just know that whatever you do I will stand by you because I love you.”

“I love you too…” She whimpered as she opened her eyes and rubbed her eyes. Her eyes were read and puffy and it was obvious that she had been crying.

“How long had you been listening?” I asked, keen to know once again how long she had been conscious.

“When you said that my family needs me…” Her smile was small but she still had one, “maybe I should call Sean.” She concluded as she slowly sat up and pulled her phone from her hoodie pocket. “I did have a missed call from a private number a little before you guys arrived, maybe t-that was someone telling me that my dad had d-died…” She looked down at her phone and I saw a few more tears escape her eyes. I then sat up and wrapped my arms around her and kissed her neck. I gave her shoulder a reassuring squeeze as I watched her tap the call button on her brother’s contact.

“Hi Sean, it’s me Ellie…” She spoke softly as she leant into me, I gently ran my fingers through my hair trying the best I could to calm her down.

“I know, I saw it on the news. Why didn’t you even try calling or texting me?” She raised her voice a little and I just took her hand in mine.

“That would explain the one missed call. Well what are you guys going to do? Does Aimmee know?” There was a pause as Ellie just listened to whatever her brother was saying. “Not tonight, maybe tomorrow. Text me in the morning.” Another pause, “alright, bye.” She slowly placed her phone on her lap and we just sat there as I continued comforting her.

“Alright, enough sympathy for me, want to do something or the other?” I raised my eyebrows at Ellie as she shifted off the bed and extended her arm out for me to take.

“W-what?” I asked, purely confused as to how she could just throw the news she just heard aside.

“I’m bored and not tired at all so yeah let’s do something!” She smiled at me and grabbed my hand and without allowing me to say anything she pulled me off the bed. I couldn’t smile at her actions, as much as I wanted to I couldn’t. She has officially got me confused, she just found out that her dad died and here she is brushing it off as if it were nothing.

“Ellie, don’t you want to you know… T-talk about it?” I asked once we came to a stop by the door, she turned and just looked at me with a smile on her face.

“No, I’m fine.” She shrugged her shoulders and just continued walking further and further away from the topic of her dad. Maybe this is her way of dealing with grief and what not but it’s not healthy to just shove those feelings away. Maybe that’s what she is used to, not dealing with how she is feeling and just continuing on with life. I guess her outlook on life is different to mine, yes I tend to care very little about things and I always seem all happy as Larry (see what I did there?)  But Ellie is totally different she is just living life and not seeming to care about anything. Maybe it’s alright but I’m worried about how she is taking things.

We sat silently at a local park, it was cold but Ellie didn’t seem to care. She hadn’t said anything since we arrived at the park which was about 5 minutes ago. I had my arm around her but she still seemed to be shivering so I offered her my jumper only to get a shake of the head from her.

“I thought you said you wanted to do something fun.” I said as I gave her a little shove, she gave me a small smile as she seemed to snap out of her trance and face me.

“Well we’re hanging out, having some alone time.” She said as she leant her head on my shoulder.

“Usually when people hang out they talk or do something, not just stare off into space.” I wrapped an arm around her and rubbed my hand up and down her arm. She shivered as a gust of wind swept across us and in that moment I wanted to go back, I wanted to be in the warmth again, in the comfort of Ellie’s apartment. “You’re cold, do you want to head back?” I asked as she snuggled into my arms.

“No, you’re the cold one.” She laughed as she kissed my cheek. We sat there in silence until I once again broke the silence. “It’s late, maybe we should go back. You need some sleep; I don’t want you being grumpy tomorrow.”

“Stop making excuses to go back Niall.” Ellie whined as she got up dragged me up with her.

“Well, I’m tired too and you must be as well!” I said as we walked side by side back to her apartment.

“Yes okay Niall, I’m tired. Since I’m so tired mind carrying me?” Ellie kept walking as I slowed down, she stopped and just looked at me as I smirked at her. Without warning her at all I picked her up in my arms and ran all the way back to her apartment with her laughing and screaming for me to let her down. I dropped her on the couch and smiled at her as she couldn’t stop laughing.

“Now do you want to talk about it?” I asked after we fell into a comfortable silence.

“No, I’m alright things are fine. Do you want to watch a movie or something? We could eat a heap of junk food!” Ellie exclaimed as she jumped off the couch and began going through all the movies. After picking some random movie of Mads she stood back up and started making her way to the kitchen before her phone started ringing.

“Hello!” She said after accepting the call.

“Oh hey Alex. What’s up?” Ellie continued walking into the kitchen and soon her voice was muffled making it impossible to hear anything she was saying. I pulled out my phone and sent a quick text to Liam telling him about what had happened with Ellie. Almost immediately I had a reply from a very confused Liam. He was just like me, unsure if the way Ellie was dealing with things was the right way. I went to Twitter next to check me mentions and it really wasn’t pleasant, a lot of hate was directed at Ellie but there were a few people who were concerned for her, I favourite a few kind supportive tweets and exited the app just before Ellie came back in with two cups of some sort of drink and a bowl of chips.

“What did Alex say?” I asked as Ellie placed the bowl of chips on the coffee table and proceeded to set up the movie.

“She heard about my dad, let’s say she was angry at first for me not telling her about him but then she got all sympathetic on me and I hung up.” I gave her a look as she turned around after switching the TV on. “What? Don’t look at me like that, I don’t want people getting all mushy on me, I barely knew the man.” I shake my head and take a fistful of chips and slowly eat them, my eyes fixed on Ellie and her attempts to get the movie running. After several tries the movie started, Ellie flopped down beside me and took a few chips from the bowl that was now on my lap.

The movie kind of bored me, and in all honesty I think it bored Ellie too because she never sat still. She kept looking at her phone which made me look as well. About half way through the movie Ellie began tapping away on her phone causing me to get distracted. She had her legs over my lap and she was leaning against the right arm rest. The movie finished and for a while Ellie had been quiet, I looked over at her and she was sound asleep with her phone in her hand. I smile at her as she rolls onto her side. As the credits roll I close my eyes and feel myself drift off.