Finding Me {Niall Horan} completed

Chapter Eleven: It's Difficult

I don't know why I did it, why did I even think of doing it? No, firstly why did I even agree to go on a date with him? Things aren't going to end nicely, we are fairly different people, the big difference is the fact that he is famous and I'm not. I think I've gone over this many times before but people like Niall aren't meant to be with girls like me, it just doesn't work like that. Sure I loved the date tremendously but I'm not sure if I want to go any further with Niall. It's difficult. 

Niall and I don't talk on the way home, we remain silent. It's an awkward silence and I don't like silence. Although I can't bring myself to say anything, when we return back to the house I thank Niall and pretty much go straight to the shower. I didn't want to tell him that I was cold, he would've made a big deal out of it but I can assure you now that I was happy to get into some warmer clothing. I came out of the bathroom and headed to the loungeroom where Mads was staring at her phone. I slowly snuck up behind her and pounced on her shoulder saying incrediby loudly "HEYY MADS!!!" She jumped up out of her seat and screamed so loud that it hurt my ears.

"ELLIE!!! You scared the shits out of me!" Mads said as she steadied her breathing down slightly.

"Might wanna go change your pants then." I joked, however Mads looked at me seriously.

"It's not funny Ellie."

"Haha yeah it is. It's really fun scaring you. Hmm I should do it more often, ahhh maybe I should put on some freaky make-up and-." I couldn't finish what I was saying.

"Ellie, can I talk to you?" I stopped and turned around as I saw Niall leaning awkwardly in the door frame. I nodded my head slowly and followed him into the kitchen.

"What's up?" I asked, trying to act as if there was no big deal about anything.

"We really need to talk about what happened." Niall said, leaning against the kitchen bench.

"We really don't need to Niall. It happened, it meant nothing, that's all." I said with a little shrug, okay I can be really good at lying sometimes, just putting that out there, once again I should really take up acting. 

"Ellie we do! And you're not going to tell me that it meant nothing. I felt something... Something I have never felt before and it's all because we kissed."

"YOU KISSED???!!!" I turned and saw Mads jumping up and down at the door, I shook my head and faced Niall again.

"Well I didn't feel anything different, it was just another kiss to me." Again with the lying Ellie, you should really stop lying. Along with that you should stop talking to yourself. 

"Ellie please give us a chance." Niall said shyly but he sounded desperate. I shook my head.

"I'm sorry Niall, this was a bad idea. I'll stay only for Mads, when she leaves I leave." Without another word I turn on my heel and walk out of the kitchen, straight past Mads and to my room.

I did the right thing, I wouldn't have done it any other way, never. I can't admit my feelings for him, they aren't strong enough to mean anything, it will end badly. I can't, I just can't. Maybe in the long run things could've worked but Niall has a busy schedule and I really need to find work, I can't keep running from living a normal life. This week will end, I will go home and live a normal life. No I will never forget Niall, it happened and it will be in my memory forever but that's all. Sure, I can keep in contact and remain friends with him but we will only keep it at that, Niall has feelings for me I know that but I don't want to return those feelings.

"Knock knock." A sweet voice says at my door. I sit up and watch Mads as she joins me and sits beside me on the bed.

"Hey Mads, I know what you're going to say. 'Oh Ellie you made a big mistake, Niall could've been the best thing for you. He really likes you and you deserve him as well." I say doing a really good job at putting on Mads voice. She just errupts into a fit of laughter.

"No Ellie, I wasn't going to say that. I refused the date with Niall because I realised that he has a massive fanbase and god help me if they find out about him and I going  on a date, the fans would practically kill me. What I'm trying to say is that you did the right thing on your behalf, I know you would be miserable with all the hate but think about it for a minute. Niall likes you. ALOT!!! And I'm sure he would do everything possible to protect you, now I'm not telling you to go storming in there and start kissing him, HELL NO!!! All I'm saying is that giving him a chance would be worth while. Keep your relationship a secret and once you know that he's right for you come out about it." I never thought Mads would finish talking but once she did all I could do was hug her.

"I'm sorry Mads, your speech was amazing thank you but I can't date a celebrity." I say softly, Mads just nods and then leaves me to be. I sigh as I lay back down and slowly doze off.

I wake up to the smell of something burning, I jump up and follow the smell and find Niall opening the oven and then smoke blows up in his face. I try and hold in my laugh but I fail.

"Not funny." Niall says trying to be grumpy but only ends up laughing himself.

"So funny." I say in between laughs. 

"I don't get you Ellie." Niall says randomly as he fans the smoke away.

"What do you mean?" I ask, confused at his statement,

"One minute we are kissing, the next you tell me that you don't feel anything and then we laugh like there is no tomorrow." Niall explains looking right at me.

"I... Look I don't know if I like you or not, but that won't change anything. You're Niall Horan, one fifth of the worlds most famous boyband, you have it all. The girls throwing themselves at you, the amount of money you get. I have nothing, I only have a small apartment that I share with my best friend, I don't even have a job!" I explain in the calmest way possible trying my best not to get too worked up about it all. 

"I was always scared of finding a girl that liked me because of my money and fame, I was scared that I would be used. I never thought that I would find a girl that is scared of the money and fame, a girl that could become anything she wants to be. Not to mention a very attractive girl." I look down as I find myself blushing, I can feel it in my cheeks. "Ellie, I know that being famous is hard, I put up with crap everyday, the boy's do as well and so do their girlfriends, but you know why they are still together? Because they are in love and they know it's all worth it. Please give it a chance, give us a chance." I look back up at Niall and shake my head.

"Niall I'm sorry, I just can't. I've changed my mind, I'll be leaving tomorrow morning."  I say without thinking it through. Fuck I'm really going to regret this later.