Crookedly in Love {a Shawn Mendes Fan Fiction}

47. No Words

In the midst of my shock, I couldn't figure out what to do next. 

One option would be to grab Shawn's hand. To run out of that party, out of that house as fast as possible. Explain everything to him. Explain that people knew about us and that we let our airtight secret get away from us. 

And then, on the next tour day, we would pretend like Taylor and Selena never said a word to us. That it was all a bad dream, and they were crazy. Shawn and I would go back to pretending. He would distance himself from Selena. 

Also, I wanted to warn him that they wanted to make him pay. They wanted to get me out of this situation. As much as I had wished for an out, a fiery protective instinct came out in me. And I wanted to shield him. 

But, I didn't do any of that. 

I just sat down on the bed and looked at Shawn, who was standing in the doorway looking at the three of us for an answer. 

"They know," I told him. 

Selena and Taylor stared at me in disbelief. Why would I tell him that, they're wondering. They were going to help me get out. 

"What?" Shawn asked, his eyes widening, praying it wasn't what he thought. 

"They know we were pretending, from the beginning."

He looked over at the two girls, and both their heads were down. They didn't know what to do. 

"But, they don't know the whole story. They only know half," I continued on. They stared at me. "And I want to know who told you half the story?"

Selena was about to speak, when Taylor interrupted. 

"This person told us because they were looking out for you, Julia," Taylor said, walking towards me. "Now, you're telling us we don't know all of it."

"No you don't."

"Well, tell us. We have all night to hear."

"No," I shook my head. "All you need to know is Shawn is a good person, and you jumped to conclusions because a third party person told you something that may be true."

"Then tell us. Tell us the truth, and we'll listen. We won't interrupt or let any sort of preconceived notions come into play," Selena said.

It was like a challenge. I didn't want to take it. But Shawn did. 

"Fine. I'll tell you," Shawn said, stepping forward. "And Julia, please help me tell our story."

Our story. I almost laughed. I wanted to think of it as a nightmare that would someday go away. 

"It started when my label had just released my first single," he spoke with a softness about him. Like he knew he was ashamed. "My girlfriend of the time had just broke up with me because she was worried I was in love with Julia."

I watched him, as he remembered the painful events. 

"And then, I guess I was confused and thought maybe I could like Julia. So I pursued her out of stupidity and confusion, which was not fair. Then, the people who were on this summer tour all decided to go to this club. And I wanted to blow off steam. Because I knew I was being stupid and ruining my friendship with Julia, and that I was broken up about Mel."

He sat down on the bed. 

"And, I ended up with two different women that night. And the next morning, I woke up to all of these tweets and posts and tabloids calling me a fuck boy. A liar. Not as wholesome as they thought. A disappointment."

This was all true, and I knew this. It just hurt to go over it again. 

"So, my manager and publicist sat me down in a room, and they said we had to spin it that I was pining for a girl I was in love with. That it was all a mistake and I really am a wholesome, committed kind of guy. And then Andrew suggested the girl should be someone the fans would want to root for. A love story they would get invested in would get me back on the right track."

I realized I hadn't heard this before. I was shaking, and Taylor grabbed my hand. 

"So, Andrew suggested Julia," Taylor guessed. 

Shawn nodded. "And he told me it should be authentic or else people would see right through it. So he advised me not to tell her until later. But how do you tell a person the way you started your relationship wasn't what she thought? After the fact?"

I nodded. 

"And I was so stupid. There's not a day I don't think about how much I hurt you Julia. I hate myself for doing that to you. I hate that I didn't just tell you that I loved you for real when I saw you with Brad. Because I knew there was something there." 

He started to choke up. He didn't speak for a while, but I saw a teardrop slide down the bridge of his nose. 

I knew I had to take the narrative over. And all I wanted to do was hold him. 

"So we dated," I continued. "And I - I do believe Shawn actually fell in love with me, and we were in a real relationship. But, the media ultimately came in between us. The fans liked Shawn with Camila for a bit, and then that's when things started to fall apart. Her agent told her about why Shawn started dating me. And then she told me."

And then something clicked. Camila and Taylor were friends. 

"And then she told you," I said, looking over at the two of them. "She's the one who is telling you to get me out of this situation."

Shawn looked up and stared at me. We didn't say a word. 

"Wait, is that where the story ends?" Selena asked. 

"No," I said. "I ended up getting back together with Shawn for real, partially because of selfish reasons but because I couldn't bear to see him go. I loved him. I do love him."

"We dated and then I guess I found out she wasn't happy with me a hundred percent. So we went back to pretending because we didn't want to compromise the other's career."

Selena stared at Taylor. "See? Camila didn't know the whole story."

"I can't believe she would tell you. Wait, so Selena, is that why you were flirting with Shawn?"

"I was trying to prove to you he was an asshole. And then, I told my manager how talented of a songwriter you are. I want you to come with me to Los Angeles to write my next album."

I gasped. 

"That's how we were going to get you out," Selena admitted. "Camila just wanted the best for you."

I shook my head. "She could've done this differently." 

"I know," Taylor admitted. "And after hearing the whole story, I can tell you guys love each other  a lot. But, I still think you should go with Selena, Julia. Get out of this mess. Shawn, if you loved her, you know this would be the right decision for her. You two need to separate, and Julia, you need to think about you."

They got up. "We'll leave you two to think."

After they left the room, I stood there frozen. Shawn's face was red from the tears, and I knew he didn't know what to say. I didn't either. There was so much to say and then nothing at all. 

I walked over to him. We studied each other, as I brushed a strand of hair away from his face. 

"I love you," he whispered. 

And I just kissed him. I pressed my mouth against his, and he moved closer to me. We pressed up against each other, but there still felt like there was too much space between us. I wanted him as close as possible. With me. Always. 

We carried on kissing under the dim light, not thinking about tomorrow.