Crookedly in Love {a Shawn Mendes Fan Fiction}

22. Coming Undone

I stood in the dressing room, breathing in and out deeply. I could not believe the turn of events from only a couple hours earlier. I didn't know how to think or how to even act at this point. I didn't know why I was still going on stage to sing my duet with Shawn if we were supposedly going through a break up.

I had to blink back tears every few seconds just to not ruin my makeup, or else Angela would have my head on a chopping block.

I hated this feeling, I hated it. I felt like I had no control over my own life.

I heard a faint knock at the door.

I didn't say anything, but it opened anyway.

"Jules."

I shook my head.

"Shawn, no. You have to go," I said, urgently. I couldn't even look at him because I knew if I did, I would burst into tears instantly.

"I can't. I can't go," he replied. "I'm so sorry for putting you in this position."

"I know," I murmured.

"I love you so much," he said. I still had my back towards him, holding back more tears. "And I can't bare to hurt you like this. I've been miserable all day—"

"You've been?" I spluttered. "How do you think I feel, Shawn? You think I'm fine with this? I'm fine with just staging a break up and watching you date some other girl not even five hours later?"

"No, no," he said, softly. "I know, I know how much this is killing you and it kills me too."

I shook my head.

"But, we don't have to break up in real life! We can see each other in private!"

"Since when is there a real life and a made up one?" I shot back.

"Can you please just look at me, Jules?"

"No," I said, closing my eyes. It was too late, a tear had already escaped and slipped down my cheek. I saw it land on the floor in a blurry haze.

"Julia, please," he said, putting a hand on my shoulder.

I just put my arms around myself, pathetically trying to squeeze out the pain.

"Julia, I love you."

"I know."

"I just wanted you to know that I wish things could be different."

"Then, don't do it!" I said, finally spinning around. "Don't do it if you don't want to!"

"It's not that simple—"

"Why?" I asked, pleadingly. "Why can't it be simple? You want to be with me, I want to be with you. That's it. No interferences. No other fake relationships. No hiding. No secrets. Why can't it just be that I love you so much, and we live happily ever after? The end."

He just looked so pained, so helpless. As if he had no clue what to do in this world even if he wanted to.

"I know, I'm so sorry. I want to make everything better for you. I hate that I'm the one hurting you," he said, weakly.

"You still haven't answered my questions. Why can't you just say no to Andrew?"

He shrugged. "I don't know. I just – he told me this was the best course of action. I don't have to date her forever, but he just wants to see if dating Camila would boost my image and I would gather more of a fan base."

"And people will just accept that we're not dating anymore? Are you serious?"

"We could spin it that we've been having troubles."