Crookedly in Love {a Shawn Mendes Fan Fiction}

28. Disconnected

I took a deep breath, as we exited the room to attend the launch party. It was well underway by now, and I was embarrassed for being gone as long as we were.

Shawn grabbed my hand as we walked into the large banquet hall. I smiled slightly at him, knowing we were both pretending now. It kind of felt good to know that we were both acting, and I wasn't being the fool.

"Ready?" Shawn wondered.

I nodded. "Yup."

We seeped into the crowd, and Andrew came bustling up to us.

"There you two are! You need to go get mic'd and get ready to sing your duet," he instructed. I nodded obediently, and Shawn pulled me up to the stage.

As we were getting our microphones set up, Shawn leaned over to whisper something in my ear.

"Ironic how we said we're getting back together publicly and singing a song about needing air," he said.

I smiled slightly.

"Hey, I got you to laugh," he said, raising his eyebrows.

"That wasn't a laugh!"

"Could've fooled me."

"I smirked," I responded. "Very different."

"You wanted to laugh."

I rolled my eyes, suppressing a chuckle. I hated him for pushing me back into our same old routine.

"Ready?" he asked. I nodded.

He turned to the crowd and began speaking.

"Hi everyone," Shawn said into his microphone. Everyone turned around to look at us on the stage. "Welcome to my album launch party."

People hollered and cheered, creating a thunderous applause.

"I would just like to say thank you so much for your unwavering support over this past year. It's been such an adventure, and I can't believe I now have an album. This is honestly a dream come true."

More applause ensued.

"But, really," he said, sighing. "We should all be celebrating Julia tonight, more so than me. No matter how much I put her through, her dedication never stopped. She pulled through on every single promise--I know I can always count on her."

I blushed, as people smiled radiantly towards me.

"She is unbelievably talented. I would not have one single hit if it weren't for her. She knows exactly what sounds awesome and what needs to be tweaked. Anyone should be so lucky to have a partner like Julia."

"Shawn, you're making me blush," I said, and everyone laughed.

He walked over and gave me a kiss on the cheek, which I took willingly.

"What I'm trying to say is," Shawn continued. "Is that I love you, Jules. Best friend, girlfriend, music partner--I don't know how, but I won the lottery with you. Everyone, raise your glasses to Julia."

"To Julia!" they all shouted.

"Thank you!" I said, laughing. "Oh God, I don't even know if I deserve half those words. Shawn, I love you. I will always be with you, and I'm luckier to have you in my life."

My heart broke as I said this because I didn't believe any of it.

"Now, this is a song we wrote together. It's called 'Air'," I said.

He began to pluck the strings on his guitar, and the song began. It was a hit; everyone was mesmerized by the duet. I loved singing with Shawn so much, but I was overwhelmed with emotion. I wanted to hit him, hold him, hate him, kiss him. It was messing with my mind.

People clapped as our song came to a close.

We walked off stage, and I made my way over to the food table. Spooning fruit onto my plate, I felt someone come up behind me. I turned around, and I saw Brad.

"Hey Brad," I greeted.

"So, you're back to dating him, huh?" Brad asked. "Thought he lied about how you guys started dating."

"He did," I said. "But, now we both know we're pretending."

"How healthy is that?"

"Not," I said, shaking my head.

"Then why are you doing this? Julia, don't sell your soul and lose who you are!"

"Brad, I know who I am! I just feel like if I put up too many fights, I won't be welcomed into more opportunities to further my career."

He fell silent.

"Oh. I see what this is about."

"Come on, what would you do?" I asked.

"I wouldn't compromise my morals for one manager who could possibly bad mouth you."

I shook my head. "You don't understand."

"Yeah, I do," he said. "I get why you're doing it. But, it's not the end of the world if Andrew doesn't like you. You're talented—other people will want to work with you."

"Why do you care so much?"

"I care about you," he murmured. "Anyway, I'm going to find the other boys. Great party."

He put a grape in his mouth and left. I sighed, feeling even crappier. I turned around to see Andrew headed straight for me.

"Hey Andrew," I greeted, cheerfully.

"Julia, I understood that you were upset about the whole situation. Why the sudden turn around?"

"I'm just doing what you asked."

"Yes, but you were so reluctant to do that before."

"Well, people change their minds. I saw the light," I said.

"Right," he answered, suspiciously. We stared at one another for a little longer. "Julia, let's just be straight with one another."

I sighed.

"What do you want?" he asked.

"Look, I'm just showing you that I can cooperate. So, you can see how well I take direction and work well with others," I said, slowly.

He narrowed his eyes.

"So, if anyone else ever wanted to work with a songwriter, you would know who to recommend."

"Ahh," he said, grimacing. "I see."

"Mhmm."

He took a moment to think.

"You keep it up," he said. "You keep it smooth sailing through the radio and television interview tour, you can bet you'll have some cool new opportunities knocking at your door."

He walked away, and I smiled. Exactly what I wanted.

Shawn walked over towards me, taking Andrew's spot.

"What were you guys talking about?" Shawn wondered.

"Nothing," I said. It was best he didn't know my ulterior motives, or else he might ruin my chances.

"Was he giving you a hard time?"

"No," I said, shaking my head. "We're getting along just fine."

"Look, I just wanted you to know I meant every word of my speech. I wasn't saying any of that just for the glamour or the cameras. I was saying it for you."

My heart ached listening to that.

"I appreciated you saying that," I said. "But you know I can't reciprocate those feelings."

"I know."

"Alright, well I'm going to go talk to Camila."

He just let me walk away, and I felt something strange shift within me. A sort of in difference towards him I never thought I would fee.

I was more disconnected with him than ever before.