Crookedly in Love {a Shawn Mendes Fan Fiction}

1. Flash Forward

Chapter One

"Can you please stop?" Shawn yelled from down the hallway. I couldn't hear him, I couldn't even hear myself.

I kept running, and I knew he would catch up to me. I knew he would finally grab my arm because I would be too tired of running and he would be too tired of giving me space. But, I didn't want to make it easy for him. This whole damn time, I had been a fool. And I didn't even know it. He never even said a word, all those times we were alone. All those times, he could have saved me from the pain and hurt and the investment.

"Julia, stop!"

He still wasn't there matching me stride for stride. He was still a few steps behind. I hated him. I hated him for the way he played me. The way he said my name. The way he pretended to love me. I hated him for making me love him blindly.

"Julia." He was out of breath, but he was there. He was beside me. And he caught my arm, his fingers gripping my wrist.

I gasped and turned around but didn't dare look at him. I looked to the floor because if I stared into his eyes, I would see the boy I used to know, the boy I thought I knew, and not who he really was.

"I hate you, Shawn. I hate you so much," I whispered. I felt tears well up in my eyes, and I could hear him sigh with sympathy.

He pulled me into him, and I began to cry.

"I love you, Julia. I love every part of you," he said softly.

"I don't believe you," I mumbled. "If you loved me, you wouldn't have destroyed me like this. You wouldn't have broken every still string of trust I ever had in you."

"They made me--"

"No, shut up!" I yelled, pushing him away. "I'm sick and tired of hearing that excuse. 'They made me act this way' or 'they made me do that to you'. Aren't you your own fucking person, Shawn? Aren't you capable of making decisions for yourself? Don't you look at a situation and think, 'Hmm...maybe that is dumb. Maybe I should stop'!"

"That's not fair," he said quietly.

"Yes it is. Because I invested every piece of my heart into you. And now that I know the truth, I have to rethink every look, every kiss, every little touch because you never had the right mind to tell me what you were doing. You manufactured something I thought was real. I don't know how I'll ever be able to fix that."

"Julia, that song was real. Me saying that I love you is real. I don't care if you think I was pretending. Maybe at the beginning, I didn't think it was a big deal. But, it was real, and you know in your mind that no one could ever act that well. I could never create those feelings from thin air. It was rooted in our real relationship-"

He began to take a step towards me, but I held out my hand. I didn't want to be near him, to be sucked back into the emptiness.

"Stop. I gave you everything I had," I choked out. "And I should've known better. I should've known you didn't need it, need me. The boy who has everything. You never wanted me. You only wanted what you created."

He shook his head. I could see tears forming in the corner of his eyes. Good. He should feel bad for breaking me.

"I love you, Jules. I never wanted to create a new you. And I never meant to destroy the old one."

"It's a little too late for apologies, don't you think?" I replied weakly.

He was about to say something more, until his manager interrupted.

"Shawn, you're needed for rehearsal," Andrew said, from the studio door that was slightly ajar. He sighed. He had to go, and I knew I wasn't enough of a reason to make him stay.

"Go," I said, beckoning him in. "You don't owe me anything."

Now, let's rewind four months earlier, when this all began...