Crookedly in Love {a Shawn Mendes Fan Fiction}

10. Unchartered Waters

Chapter Ten

I held Shawn for what felt like a long time before he could pick his head up. He started to wipe his tears quickly from off his face so all evidence would disappear.

"Hey," I said, softly. "Honestly, you're way better off without her. She isn't worth it if she's asking you to choose between her and someone else. It just doesn't work."

He looked at me, intently. I didn't know what else to say, and he just remained silent. His eyes were slightly red.

"Shawn," I said, softly. "What are you thinking?"

"I don't know why I'm so upset about this," he said, truthfully. "Honestly, I don't. I know in my mind that she wasn't right for me. That she was asking too much, she crossed a line. So, why am I so torn up about this?"

I remained silent for a moment.

"It's because you loved her," I answered. "Simple as that."

"Love is stupid," he sighed, wiping his eyes again. I just nodded. "And she was crazy. God, why do I feel so shitty?"

I just rubbed his back comfortingly.

"Because getting your heart broken doesn't just go away in a few seconds," I said. "Trust me."

"Maybe she is right," he speculated.

"Right about what?"

"Maybe there was some truth to her paranoia. You know?"

"No, I don't," I answered quickly. I think I did, but the thought of what he was trying to talk about was scaring me. I'd rather just sweep any sort of questions under the rug.

He opened his mouth to say something but thought better of it. He simply just shrugged.

"I just think we should stay how we are now," I said firmly. "We're about to go on tour together and write your new album. We've got to keep it safe between us. No unanswered questions."

"What good is that?" Shawn asked, almost timidly.

"What do you mean?"

"I mean, well...I don't know," he replied, hesitantly. "I mean, like, maybe we shouldn't just quickly dismiss why Mel broke up with me. Obviously she sees something between us. She wouldn't have felt so threatened if she hadn't. And even the fans 'ship' us or whatever. Like, doesn't that tell you something?"

"No," I said. "I don't know. I don't think we should base what we feel on what other people perceive!"

"Well, what do you feel?"

"W-what?" my voice faltered. I was caught off-guard.

"What do you feel? How do you feel about me?"

"Shawn, stop it. We don't need to have this conversation right now-"

"Clearly we do!"

"Shawn, you're going through a breakup. This is just confusing you."

"I've never been more clear-headed in my mind," he answered. "How do you feel?"

I stuttered with my words. I didn't know how to answer that because I didn't even know what the truth was myself. I feel like whenever it came to Shawn, I just knew I loved him and we were close. He was my best friend. I never even attempted to think about anything more. That was unchartered waters.

"I don't know," I said, truthfully.

"Well, do you think you could be in love with me?"

"I – I don't know. How can anyone know that? You and me, we've been best friends for so long. I didn't think that would change."