Crookedly in Love {a Shawn Mendes Fan Fiction}

5. Pretending

I stood in the back room with the glass windows, listening to Shawn's big radio interview. I folded my arms across my chest, trying to smile listening to him and Ryan banter on and on about what it's like to live in Canada (is it cold? Polar bears?)

I didn't know how to act. His mom was almost crying beside me, and I felt like doing the same, but these wouldn't be proud tears. They would be sad ones because I honestly didn't know how else to react when he told me he thought we should pull back in our friendship.

I bit my lip, as he kept on speaking.

"So, yeah, it's not that cold. It's manageable," he said, about Canada.

"Man, I wear jeans when it's probably shorts weather in Canada," Ryan laughed.

Ellen chimed in. "So, it must be surreal to you, being in LA. How do you feel?"

"I feel great," Shawn answered. "It's really crazy I'm here, and I can't believe I'm even releasing a single. It's weird."

"And you got famous by Vine?"

"Yup, it was awesome. I posted this Justin Bieber cover, and all of a sudden it had reached 15,000 plays. It was nuts."

Ellen nodded. "Well, I'm not surprised. You're an attractive, young guy. Girls are bound to fall in love with you."

"Speaking of girls," Ryan chimed in. "Who did you bring with you?"

Shawn looked over at me and his mom in the glass. I blushed furiously. It's not like he was going to say we were dating, but I was just surprised I was being referred to.

"Oh, my mom and Julia," he said.

"Julia?" Ryan asked with a keen interest. "Now, tell us who's Julia?"

Shawn hesitated for a moment.

"She actually co-wrote this song with me," he answered.

"You guys are just co-writers and nothing more?" Ryan wondered, suspiciously.

I leaned in to listen.

"Well, I mean, I guess we're friends," he said, shrugging.

I guess we're friends?? Really, Shawn? Really? I've been best friends with him since I was twelve. I know how he likes his tea, that he hates tomatoes, that he waited in line for two hours to see the midnight showing of the last Harry Potter.

And he says he guesses we're friends? Is he serious right now?

I tried not to look too disappointed. I just smiled.

"I don't know man. You guys would be an awfully attractive couple," Ryan laughed. "And you write love songs together? There's gotta be something else. there."

"We're honestly not anything more. She's awesome, and we write good songs together," he said, with a note of finality.

"I bet," Ryan said. "I'm going to make a risky bet. I bet that you and Julia are going to end up making out by the end of this year."

Shawn burst out laughing, and I couldn't help but feel my heart sink. Could he honestly not give me any semblance of respect?

"I - I don't think so," he said, smiling.

"Naw man, you come back in a year, and you tell me I was right. Julia, I'm holding you to that," he said, pointing at me.

I laughed, because I knew the camera was going to be on me. They were filming this session for their YouTube channel.

"No, no it's not like that," Shawn said, trying to not squirm out of his chair.

"Ahh, we'll see," Ryan said. "Alright, now why don't we give your new single a listen?"

"That would be awesome," Shawn said.

And the song came on, but I could barely hear it.

*

We were on our way back to the hotel after the radio station interview, and Shawn's mom was going to stop by the shops on our back to the room.

"You guys wanna take a look around, see if you want to buy anything?" she asked.

We branched off, but I didn't really want to be alone with Shawn. He was really irking me after the interview and I hadn't said a word to him.

"What do you think of these sunglasses?" Shawn asked, putting aviators on at a sunglasses hut.

"They're fine," I mumbled.

"What store did you want to hit next?"

"Don't care."

"You pick."

"No."

He put his hand on my shoulder and asked, "Jules, what's wrong?"

"Are you kidding?" I asked.

"No..."

"Shawn, you said I was your co-writer. And you said you guessed we were friends," I said, impatiently. "Don't you know how that made me feel?"

He remained silent.

"Like, I get it. I get that you wanted to pull back because of Mel, but you can't just erase five years! You can't just tell the whole world we're practically strangers that only come together because we have to write songs for you and then act like we're totally normal afterwards. It doesn't work like that!"

"Julia," he started. "What else was I supposed to do? I did it for Mel! I don't want to hurt her any more than I have!"

"Well, what about me? Don't you care that you're hurting me too?" I asked, incredulously. "Look, Shawn, just give it to me straight. What are you doing? Are you going to try and make it seem like we're not close at all? Are you going to stop talking to me unless you have to?"

He didn't say anything.

"Because some warning would be nice so I don't get blindsided."

"Julia, I just think it would be easiest if we just seemed like we aren't close. I mean, I'll always be here for you-"

"No, no," I said, shaking my head. "It doesn't work like that. You're in or you're out. I'm not being your friend in private so you can please your girlfriend and make it look like we're not friends."

I started to walk away.

"Hey! What the hell am I supposed to do? This isn't easy for me either! I don't know what to choose!" he yelled after me.

"She shouldn't dictate your friends! You shouldn't have to choose!" I yelled back, not caring who was staring or listening in.

"Julia, I don't want to lose her!"

"But you're okay with losing me?" I stormed towards him.

He shoved his hands in his pockets, furiously. "No, I just...I hate this. I don't know what to do!"

"Well, I'll make it easier for you," I spat. "I'll pull myself out. We'll keep our relationship strictly professional, and I'll pretend like I don't even know you outside of the studio. How's that?"

"You know what? That's just fine," he replied, angrily.

"Fine," I turned back around and walked off.

I already felt emptier without him.