Crookedly in Love {a Shawn Mendes Fan Fiction}

38. Broken Pieces

Shawn left the party in a fury. I chased him out of the apartment building, my heart rushing, my head pounding. I knew he heard everything. He ran out quickly without a word. He had to have heard the worst parts.

Sure, he heard I didn't know how to be myself with or without him. That I was invested in my career, more so than telling him the truth about my unhappiness. He had a right to be hurt.

But what about me? What about my pain? My feelings were barely spared in all of this, and now I feel like shit because I suppressed my unhappiness. I pretended for a moment.

The cold air overwhelmed me all at once. I was outside, and I saw Shawn's leather jacket in the streetlight glow.

"Shawn!" I shouted.

He didn't turn around. I started running towards him.

"Shawn, please, stop," I begged.

Out of breath, I finally caught up to him. I grabbed onto his jacket, and I forced him to turn around to look at me.

His eyes were wet with tears. I felt like a huge boulder had come and crushed me right then and there.

"I don't know what you heard," I started.

"I heard enough," he whispered.

"Shawn, I'm sorry," I said.

"Oh, that's fucking bullshit," he said, his voice thick. "You're not sorry. You're happy you broke me. You were only in this for you career, in the end."

"That's not what I said!"

"It's what you meant!" he yelled.

"No!" I shouted back. "It's not what I meant. I love you so goddamn much that I need to be with you. I need you, Shawn. But I hate what you did to me. I hate everything you made me feel! You made me feel small, insignificant. Like I was something to just use and throw away."

My breath caught.

"And I never wanted to see you ever again. I never wanted to hear from you," I continued.

"But you kept this up for yourself. You made me think you loved me for no fucking reason but your own selfish gains," he spat back, wiping his nose.

"No, Shawn, stop," I said, exasperatedly. Tears were coming now. My eyes stung with a pathetic, self-loathing.

"No, I won't stop. You did it this time, Julia –"

"Don't you dare blame this on me –"

"Yes, I will! You were the one who said we were back together. Truly and genuinely back together. You told me you wholeheartedly loved me. You fucking lied."

I shook my head, infuriated. These were ignorant lies. The words spewing from his mouth didn't make up even half the truth.

I could barely think straight. He started pacing back and forth, and I just held my head between my hands. I needed to grab my bearings.

"I wasn't lying," I said, matter-of-factly.

"Oh God, Julia. Give it up. It's over," he yelled. "And this time you were the one who broke it. You really had me. You really got me to believe in us again. And then you fucking broke us."

I stopped dead in my tracks and looked up at him with absolute shock. My eyes were wide, fierce and desperately hurt.

"Excuse me?" I shouted. "I broke us? You were the one who started this whole thing! You were the one who forced feelings on us that you didn't even have to begin with. You were the one who lied about being in love with me. You never even tried to tell me the truth once. You just waited until you got caught."