Guardian - a Hartbig fanfic

"I was alone." Ch 20

Hannahs POV

•••

We asked for a room, and they gave us one. I wanted to be able to cry by myself instead of infront of a bunch of annoyed strangers.

Tyler and Troye left almost three hours ago, and it was now 6 in the morning.

I was alone.

I wanted to end it , Grace was all i had.

I wanted to end it.

But i was in a hospital, the one place you don't try to commit suicide.

I wanted to just go home and kill myself, but i couldn't leave Grace.

I didn't know if she was even here still, but i didn't want to leave.

I talked or thought about suicide like it was a game , i wanted to go kill myself , and i would.

I was going to , i knew it. I didn't care , i had no reason to live any more.

The tears stopped flowing ten minutes ago, i felt numb now.

I just had to wait until i wanted to leave so i could kill myself.

I sat straight up in bed, my eyes barely focusing on the blank white wallpaper , and choked on my own spit.

What about her subscribers?

I mind was wandering still, and i decided it was time.

I ran to the parking lot, and jumped into my car.

I pushed the petal as hard it could go, the car zooming at almost 120 mph.

I didn't fucking care , it felt good, being this close to death, knowing i could do it right now if i wanted to.

The cars on the road skidded to a stop around me, pulling over.

I whipped the car into the parking lot of the school, and parked though several parking spots.

I ran as fast as i could inside, and everyone around me parted.

Through the doors, past the bench, up the stairs, down the hall , and in my dorm, i opened my laptop, and ran into my bathroom, i couldn't wait for this to be over with.

I rummaged through my cabinet, and pulled out whatever i could find, all from Grace's meds.

Her anxiety , OCD, and depression meds, all different colors.

I stood for a second, admiring the way the depression ones were so small, and the anxiety were so big.

I opened one of the caplets , emptying the contents into my hand.

There was barely any medication inside of the anxiety pill.

This was the way anxiety made things feel. They seemed so big to you, yet they were nothing in reality.

Then the depression ones.

The powder inside was blue, and it reminded me of the color of water.

I dropped the bottle into the sink, the extra pills flying everywhere.

I would have to clean that up later , i would be dead.

The depression pills looked like water. Like the way you drown in depression. It never gets fixed.

I dropped it into the sink with the powder and pills, opening the OCD meds.

It was a pill, but it was covered in some sort of dust. It got everywhere and i found myself brushing it off, though i was going to be soon dead.