Guardian - a Hartbig fanfic

"Adam Parker." Ch 37

okay before this starts, i want to rant, you can skip if you want but I'm really pissed off lmao.

i have a form of schitzophrenia, and it makes me find one thing about myself each day and i focus on it all day and tell myself to literally cut it off sometimes, because I'll think its horrible and ugly , and i just a month ago started on meds for it which have been working.

I have depression, i have gone through with all of the forms of it, I've had problems with bulimia and anorexia, I've self harmed and been admitted to a hospital 3 times over suicide attempts.

I have both anxiety and social anxiety, in case you don't know what social anxiety is, for me, i just assume everyone hates me and have to be constantly reassured I'm not being annoying, and if anyone even jokingly calls me annoying i have a panic attack, no matter where i am. I hate meeting new people, hate getting dressed because i feel like people tell me i look fine when i look absolutely horrible, and it makes me into this lump of sarcasm and antisocial tendencies.

I have OCD, i have to do things a certain number of times. For instance, if i touch my thumb and my pinky together accidentally, i have to stop what I'm doing and do the same on the other hand or i will have a panic attack. If someone misses a spot doing something i will have a panic attack. I can't watch cooking shows because of that, because if they miss one spot while scraping a bowl or something, i will literally have a panic attack.

I have ADHD, and I'm sure you know what that is. ADHD stands for attention deficit hyperactive disorder, where you have trouble focusing or staying in one spot a while.

so i don't really understand why i continue getting comments about "oh you're romanticising suicide , that's not a joke"

or "don't use bulimia lightly, it ruins lives."

Or "self harm isn't cool, why do you use it so much?"

I've gone through all of them before, like i understand what it does to peole. I'm not gonna make fun of a mental illness that i literally have myself.

!

Because honestly, it's my fucking story and i make it however the fuck i want to make it? like bye???? I've experienced all of the things i use in this story before, minus the broken home and such.

But i don't know why whenever someone uses self harm and ED and suicide in a story, suddenly people know every single thing about that persons life and "they've never delt with those problems" and it's a huge thing.

Like yes, i hate how people glorify ED's and self harm so much, but I'm not gonna call people out on things so fast before i know they haven't struggled with it before, because i don't.

You never know what's happening on the other side of the screen, and you have no right to insult someone over things you don't have any idea about.

Sorry, here's the update now.

Bye.

•••

Hannah's POV

•••

Its been a week since my father was arrested, and sent to jail after pleading guilty in court. My mother told me she didn't want to stay with us anymore after "the stunt i pulled" so she went to a hotel, and visited every day.

"What's the plan for today?" I asked, once Grace and i finally escaped college.

It was only about one, but it was Wednesday which was when both of had the least classes.

"Can we dismiss them? Maybe we can all go out and do stuff together?" Grace suggested, and i nodded.

"That sounds like a great idea." I answered.