Forbidden Fruit

Chapter 26

LAUREN POV

I hate this. Not knowing how Normani is or if someone has pulled her into the Dean's office. It's killing me. I want to see her, but I called off my session with her, and now I'm beginning to regret it. I don't know if she will want to see me this evening, or ever again if Melinda gets her way, but I miss her. I miss her so much. I know we have agreed to keep some distance between us for the time being, and yes, it was my idea, but I don't want to. I want to go to her place tonight and fall asleep in her warm bed with her arms wrapped around me. Yeah, like that is going to happen anytime soon.

Pulling myself from my own depressing thoughts, I grab my composition book and head off down to the music room. I need the piano today. It's definitely a piano kinda day. Smiling to myself, I pull my backpack up over my shoulder and disappear from the shitty world around me. Shitty because I have to live my life in secret, and shitty because of some stupid freaking policy. Fuck the policy. She's mine and that's that.

Reaching the room that is my only place of comfort right now, I push the door open and breathe a sigh of relief. God, it's like coming home. The smell of the wood surrounding me, I move further into the room and feel all of the anxiety and tension leave my body. If I can't have Normani, I'll have the next best thing.... My music. Running my fingers over the black and white keys, I feel a sense of calm run through my body. This is my only other love. Music and Normani. Those... coupled together? It's like the perfect life. If only it were that simple.

I'd spent most of the day worrying. I'd spent it wondering if I would see her this week, or this month. At one point, I'd even thought about breaking up with her. Not because I wanted to, no, but because I couldn't bare the heartache it would cause us both down the line. We shouldn't be together, I know that, but we are and it works so freaking well. Why would I want to change that? Truth is, I don't. I don't because she is all I've ever wanted...and more. I couldn't imagine my life without her in it, but when Melinda gets her way, and she will, I know the shit will hit the fan and we will both be left heartbroken.

Am I willing to accept the devastation that would come from continuing our relationship? Yes. A million times... yes. Why? Because I would die a thousand times to spend one more night with Normani. I truly would. She makes me feel things I've never felt before. She causes my breath to leave my body when I see her. How could I turn that down? How could I dismiss what we have and allow other people to win? Is it jealousy with Melinda? Is it sheer disgust? I don't know. I don't know, and right now... I don't care. She is the least of my worries. She may be the cause of my worries, but right now I'm worried about my girlfriend. My Normani. Whatever she is to me. I don't even know anymore.

Taking a seat behind the only thing that is real in my life right now, I run my fingers across the keys and close my eyes. This truly is the only other place I feel safe, other than in Normani's arms. Sometimes it's indescribable, but it just makes it so much better. I want her even when I'm with her. I miss her when I'm lay beside her. I crave her touch when I'm snuggled in her arms. She's intoxicating. A drug. One that I'd happily spend my life addicted to.

I can smell her. I can smell her and she's not even here. I've spent the last thirty minutes crying into my piano, and now I'm hallucinating. It's not right. None of this is right. I shouldn't have to sit crying about the woman I love. Not when she loves me back. I know this is the end for us. Melinda won't fall for the whole 'split' story, and I wouldn't expect her to. I also can't ask Normani to leave her job. I'd never do that. It wouldn't be fair to her. Her job is what brought us together. I just wish there was another way.

"Normani," I whisper as I continue to be assaulted by her intoxicating scent. God, I wish she was here. I need to feel her. I need something of her to grasp onto. It's the only thing keeping me alive right now. That's just how much I love her and cannot bear to be without her.