Forbidden Fruit

Chapter 9

LAUREN POV

Making my way off of campus, I felt a dull ache settle in my stomach. I have officially cut off any outside contact with Normani. I hadn't planned on doing it, but seeing her today made me realise that I had made the biggest mistake of my life. Leaving her place on Friday night had been one of the hardest things I'd ever done, and the more I thought about it, the more I wished it had never happened.

I don't regret kissing her. It's the only thing I've been sure about for a long time in my life, but in a strange way, I do occasionally wish it had never happened. Knowing what I was missing was something I'd taken harder than I'd first thought I would. Her lips. Her perfect soft lips were like nothing I'd ever felt in my entire life. Heaven. Pure heaven.

Ally had made the wise decision to leave me alone after I'd gone to bed on Friday night. I didn't want to be around anyone. Knowing that Ally had such a hateful opinion towards Normani only made my anger multiply. How could she have an opinion when she had barely even spoken to her? How could she suggest that Normani was out to hurt me? She doesn't know anything that I'm going through. She has no idea how hurt I am and how stupid I feel for walking away from my professor.

The job title doesn't even bother me anymore. After I'd retreated to my bedroom on Friday, I'd thought about how likely it was that we could get caught. Providing we kept a safe distance on campus, I didn't see any reason to worry. No one knew what car I had, and I'd never been one to draw attention to myself. My other professors probably would even recognise me out of class. Normani was new in town, so not a lot of students would know who she was. She didn't teach as frequently as others on campus, so she was less likely to be known outside of Mount University.

I'd thought about it all night. I'd thought about heading to Normani's after my classes and kicking back with her. I'd thought about waking up next to her each morning, and us both leaving at different times. I wondered what it would be like to vacation with her during breaks, and I thought about me standing in the kitchen cooking us dinner each night. My kitchen or hers, I wasn't fussed. The more I thought about it, the more I realised it would never happen. Someone will realise who you both are and she will walk onto campus one day, only to be humiliated and escorted off of the premises.

I'd cried to Ally again on Saturday night. She was supportive, but I could see in her eyes that she was judging us both. Normani more so. I didn't like it, so I decided to call it a night and I sat alone from the early evening. Those lonely evenings are the worst. I mean, I'm used to being alone, but after having Normani's hands on my body, and after seeing how homely her place was, the loneliness was magnified.

Unsure of what to do with myself, I'd simply sat on the couch, wrapped up in a blanket and wanting the world to end. I'd eaten crap the entire time, and I'd gone through almost two bottles of tequila. The thought of ever drinking it again turned my stomach. Come Sunday evening, I'd decided to pick myself up and prepare for a new week. A new week of uncertainty. A new week of longing for the only woman to ever truly turn my head, and take my heart. It was hard going, but I knew that I could, and I would survive. I had to. What else would resolve the dreaded ache I found in my being every minute of the day? I'd walked away from her, without hearing her out. I'd made my bed, and now I would have to lie in it.

Reaching my apartment, I unlocked the door and slipped inside. A light drizzle forming outside, my clothes were damp. Heading straight into the bedroom, I found myself rummaging through my closet for something comfortable. Finding my favourite off the shoulder oversized top, I reached for a pair of yoga pants and made my way into the bathroom.

Changing, I figured that tonight would be a good night for leftover pizza. Yes, I'd ordered in again last night. I know I should be looking after myself, but right now, I kinda don't care. Who cares how my body looks? I don't have anyone to show it off to, so why bother maintaining it? I know it's the wrong attitude to have, but it's the only attitude that seems to make an appearance lately. I should try harder, and one day I will, but for the time being, I just want to comfort eat, and comfort drink, and comfort cry. It doesn't work, but maybe one day it will.