Couple T-shirts / jung hoseok(#17)

여섯

Wendy

I stared at the laptop with my hands itching to write but I just couldn't. If I did, I would be agreeing to write for Hoseok's upcoming drama. But I want to write but I'm afraid of getting rejected. It is fine writing for short series of stories in books but I have never written for any drama. Or I would say successfully written a drama. All my scripts were all messy and lack originality as what the producer says.

Because of that one sentence that I got from the producers, I failed my interview at the nation's biggest broadcasting stations at the tender age of 23. I became traumatized by that ever since. I didn't want to show anyone my plot except myself. What the hell did I even learn in acting school?? It is as if everything that I have learned for the past 3 years was nothing.

So, I switched from a scriptwriter to an author after a long time of considering whether to give up writing and doing a career switch or continue to do what I loved doing. It took a year long and I didn't regret what I chose.

The first book that I submitted to the publishing company got accepted on the first try and they praised how well the script was written and how the characters came to life with my writings. And that is how I got my first young writer's awards and the subsequent years. I tried so hard to reject offers from huge broadcasting stations after I gained fame and popularity about my style of writing. I didn't want to write for dramas again. I didn't want to get rejected again, I'm afraid of rejection. Getting rejection is my greatest fear more than anything else.

I am a coward and a loser. It is the same thing but couldn't I do the same?? I heavily sighed and turned towards the other side facing away from the laptop. I don't want to see the laptop or my fear will emerge again. Why does he have to remind me about this again??

I heard knocking on my door and I knew who was behind it. "I'm coming in." Seulgi's words had me opening the door for her.

"You are not going to the café??" She said sitting on my bed.

"I don't have the mood to go there."

"Because you didn't want to meet Hoseok ssi right??"

I sat up upon hearing his name. "He was there??"

She nodded. "He was waiting for you to come to the café but you didn't. He looked so down. Why don't you just agree??"

"I can't."

"I'm sure that they wouldn't reject you again since your style of writing is so unique among the other budding scriptwriter that learned writing through the textbook method."

"Just leave me alone and continue painting. Don't you have an artwork that is almost reaching its deadline??"

"I am busy but I have to deal with your issue first." She made me have her and has me looking into her eyes. "Just listen to me for a while, it won't take too long."

"Fine. What do you want to talk about??" I finally faced her in the eye willingly since earlier. It is tough not being able to stare into your friend's eyes when you don't want to talk to her.

"Running away isn't everything. You have the potential to do even better."

"Do what?? I'm a failure at scriptwriting."

"You are not." She said holding up a few pages of paper all patched up together. "Take a closer look at this." I took a closer look at it and instantly my eyes doubled in size. How did she have that?? I thought that I have thrown it away years ago??

"I kept it and pasted it together with glue piece by piece. I showed the rest this to rate and they said that it is very good." How is it good?? This is the exact same script that got rejected by the broadcasting station.

I pushed the paper out of my face. "You're lying. How can this be good if it got rejected??"

"Haven't you heard that practice is perfect?? Not many scriptwriters get their work approved on the first try, especially when they are new. They have to try a few more times and then they will succeed."

"How can you be so sure about it?? They are just lucky to get approved."

"Lucky?? Son Wendy, why are you always so pessimistic??"

"I always am." I turned away from her. "Just go out, you're making me annoyed."

She threw the script on the floor. "Fine. Do whatever you want. I didn't know that Son Seungwan was that cowardly." She left the room. I'm sorry for making you feel so disappointed in me.

I looked at the amended script and picked it up, looking through it once more. It is indeed bad, considering it is the first time that I wrote a script ever since graduation but where is the fault in this script??

I cringed at the awkward phrasing of my words in certain parts of my script. "Why must that car accident be at that time?? It is really that cliché like what they said." I said sitting up at my desk and switching on the laptop. I clicked on the file with the mouse that said 'Wendy's Scripts'.

I then opened the document that has the drafts of my first ever story. I never deleted it away even if I had changed laptops twice since then. I couldn't bear to let go of it no matter what, it is still what I pulled through several sleepless nights to write an entire script. I am just afraid to admit my mistakes, I was too proud to back then thinking that I was the best scriptwriter. I indeed was the scriptwriter in my course at my university that year but I failed at writing in the real world.

"Promise me that you would never regret after writing this," I said. "Son Seungwan." I'm ready to be a scriptwriter again.