Bad Blood // Z.M A.U

53.

"Look, I am know you upset about-"

"Upset? I am píssed off by the way you and Ronaldo are acting about my situation! You are totally blowing things out of proportion!"
"Carmelita." My father warns me but I ignore it as I am ready to put him on his place.

"I am sorry that my life turned out this way. I am sorry I am not this cute and innocent girl you wanted me to be and I am sorry that things are not going planned the way you wanted it be. I know I shot myself in the foot because nothing worked out in the end with someone who I thought loved me. I know this all." I say reassuringly, trying to get my point over to him.

"But this is who I am now. You all need to accept it, whether you like it or not. You need to stop thinking that sixteen year old girl is still there because she is not. She is long gone. She has been irresponsible, drunk, high, and pregnant, killed too many people and been fuçked too many times to be counted. Even though that is not what else everyone likes about me, I am fine with it because it's who I am.

"If you keep holding onto the past, fight with one another about my choices and my secrets I kept away from you, it's only going to make me push you away and make me feel so uncomfortable around the people I love so much. All I am asking is for you to stop making such a big fuss about my past. I am trying to make peace with it and I just wish you can too."

My dad and I are left in silence, probably trying to comprehend everything that I told him. There are a lot of things that I should have not told him but it had to be said one way or another, whether I like it.

Especially the pregnant part.

He takes a deep breath in and looks down at me. "I know. It's just that... Carmelita... I did not want any of this to happen to you. I still remember as the sixteen year old you were to see you all grown up; it's hard to comprehend all of this. I am sorry I am overreacting but it's just I am concerned about you as your parent and to find out all these things like, Renata knowing you had Malik in your life already without any of us knowing, it's just really frustrating and we could have found you a long time ago."

Nodding, I stand up from the seat, closing the door behind me as I take my father's hand. "I just want to tell you that even though I am not fine, I know I will be. The only thing I want from you and Ronaldo is to stop rubbing my mistakes in my face and to stop overreacting about it. That's all I want dad. Nothing else."

My father sighs quietly then nods in response. "Okay. I'll try my best. I am sorry about that outburst at the table. You know me by now mi amor and my reasons."

"It's okay. Let's just go back to the table and forget any of this happened, okay?"

The two of us walk back to the elevator, making our way back upstairs. My father wraps his arm around my shoulder as we walk.

"You know, you are just as strong as your mother. There is so much I see of her in you and I just want to tell you something. Don't ever think sẻx is going to keep a man for you because he can just walk out of your life at any time and find someone else.

"I have a feeling Malik was like that and you see what has happened. I just want you to remember that, okay? Don't sell yourself cheap to make someone else happy and 'yourself' because at the end of the day, it will just cause more problems."

For four years of being surrounded by older women, who knows much more than me, that's one thing they never told me. They are the ones that actually influenced me to have sẻx with Zayn so that our relationship can be more 'stable'

And I believed them. I was the one who was begging Zayn to break my virginity to make sure that he wouldn't find someone else. It somehow helped us but despite giving my virginity to Zayn, It did change him cheating on me behind my back.