Bad Blood // Z.M A.U

23.

Oh I forgot to mention that we have about five/six chapters to go. Nooo :(

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ZAYN'S POV

I have heard enough and I definitely had enough of what I have been doing to my own girlfriend.

All this time, she has been bottling up about me doing something so vile to her and she is says she is 'okay' with it.

If only she could hear herself and realise that it's a violation against her. I am not fucķing fine after hearing this.

How could I do this to her? Force her into having sẻx against her own will?

When did I do it? How bad was it? How did she react?

Liam is right about me for sure - I am mentally ill if I am raping my girlfriend because I just am too demanding and adamant to get things my way.

Leaving Carmelita behind in the bedroom, I make my way out the house but it doesn't go far as I hear Carmelita running after me - shouting my name out in hope of me stop walking away from her, to hear her out.

Once I get onto the staircase, her hand grabs my arm forcefully which makes me stop on the staircase to look at her.

Her cheeks are bright pink and tears run down her face which pulls my heartstrings.

I have caused this upon her. I am the reason why she cries so much.

"Zayn. Can we please just talk about this and hear the full story?" She pleas uncontrollably through her tears that stream down continuously. "Don't push me away." Carmelita begs.

As much as I didn't want to push her away, I had to. The amount of guilt that consumes me right now is unexplainable and I can't even look her in the eye.

Not only have I raped her, I also killed our baby.

I need to get away from her even though I really don't want to.

My hands are placed on each of Carmelita's shoulders and I look at her with no emotion.

"Look, I just need time to process what has happened. It's all new to me and it scares the shít out me." I explain to her sincerely.

"You don't have time Zayn!"

I know what she means. Since it's her birthday coming up next week, I know she wouldn't want us to have any arguments or disagreements.

If I plan to push her away, I can't do it for a long time.

"Maybe but I can't walk around knowing I ŕaped my girlfriend unconsciously. It's not okay and you don't understand that. I think its best you stay here till Monday, so I can just clear my head."

With nothing else to say to her, I continue to walk down the stairs to leave the house. "No Zayn! You can't-" Carmelita continues to plea but it gets cut short when she ends up screaming and rolls down the stairs before me.

"Carmelita!" I shout out in panic as I rush down the stairs once her body is thrown onto the floor very forceful against the tiled floor. Her head bangs hard against the tiles and I hear her shuddering.

"Carmelita!" Getting down onto my knees, I wrap my arms around her torso to bring her closer to me. "Don't blackout! Stay with me!" I plea but her eyes begin to flutter close and I already know she is going to lose conscious.