Taken | h.s + bey ✔️

32. Her Last Entry

Major TW // men being gross

I've felt... more than just a little crazy this morning. Looked it, too.

It's only been a day since my... episode. Harry hasn't come up once. Not even to toss food in while I was in the bathroom. Not eating hasn't helped my case either.

I've been pacing, occasionally sitting down and rocking, randomly crying, randomly hitting or kicking whatever was next to me. It's bad. I'm feeling stir-crazy. I'm starving. I have so much angry energy in me and no way to release it, but at the same time I feel incredibly weak.

I don't feel like myself.

I stood up from the rocking chair with a big huff and paced. I ran my fingertips up and down the sides of my face as I did, I guess to give me something to do.

I just need something to do.

In the midst of my pacing, I tripped on one of the journals that was just lying around due to my outburst. I stopped and stared at it. It was a journal I hadn't got to look into yet.

I was so tired of only reading but it was something that not only occupied my time but gave me a slight escape from my reality. Slight, only because the journals are heavily based around stories that involve this house and him.

I picked it up and walked back over to the rocking chair. I opened the journal and unlike the other one, there doesn't seem to be any pages ripped out.

I skimmed the pages and noticed that this journal was mostly empty. There was only a few entires. This must've been her last few. I prepared for the fact that I could actually be about to read some of this woman's last few words.

I went back to the first page and glanced at the first entry. It was literally just two sentences:

      I gave in and helped Manon. I'll never forgive myself for what I did.
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         Harry's 14th birthday was today. I had the honor of telling him that his "parents" were finally allowing him to attend public school. I'm so relieved and thankful that he's finally getting this opportunity. Mr. Thibodeaux was greatly confused when his "wife" suggested he go. After all, they'd been against it so far. Before I had announced it to him, I realized that I didn't think about how he'd react or if he even wanted to go. I feared that he'd have a fit so I prepared myself for how I was going to tell him because the decision was final. Manon, not taking kindly to children and adolescents, insists he's gone for at least 8 hours of the day. When I carefully broke the news to him, he didn't have a fit. He was unsure of whether he wanted it at first but I assured him that it was going to be a great experience for him and it'd make me so happy if he did. So then he was compliant. Now that I'm writing this entry, it has settled in me that I am in fact, scared of him. Scared of his outburst, more like. He listens to me but sometimes... he's different. I'm hoping that his exposure to other people will shape his behavior for the better.
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       I was right about Harry going to public school being good for his character development. He's not an outcast, luckily. He's doing fine. Not great, but still better than I'd thought. It's good for him, especially now that he's in his teenage years. The only thing is, I mistakenly believed that it would help ME, too. His character with me is what hadn't changed. Manon and Mr. Thibodeaux are gone more often than usual. Which leaves me and him with the house to ourselves for, sometimes, weeks. I don't have a solid reason to be, but sometimes, being alone with him is uncomfortable. He's still different at home. I still have hope that he'll grow out of it.
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          Last night will forever be vivid and etched into my brain. It was the first time I feared for myself with him, and with reason.
         He came home late last night and made a ton of noise as he made his way through the house. I went downstairs and found him in the kitchen and approached him with anger and disbelief. I scolded him about how late it was and questioned where he had been. He must've felt rebellious that night because he didn't take me serious at all. It wasn't until he gave me an annoyed huff that I smelled alcohol on his breath. He is only 15! I yelled at him about drinking and in the midst of my lecture he... I saw him looking at me differently, calmly and trance like as if I wasn't literally yelling at him. I frustratedly squeezed my eyes shut as I put an emphasis on the dangers of underage drinking when I was suddenly shut up. It took me half a second to realize that he'd had his mouth on mines! I was completely frozen as I felt his tongue shove it's way into my mouth. I started to push away but he maneuvered so that I was backed into the counter and unable to move. He held my face with both hands as he forced the most disgusting kiss onto me. It wasn't too long but it's felt like it lasted forever. It wasn't until I managed to bite his lip that he jerked away and I gave him the most distraught look. He still had me pressed against the counter and looked me deep in the eyes as his face was only centimeters away. I couldn't even speak.
         I thought it was over until her gripped my jaw with one hand and forced my face to the side before kissing on my neck. It wasn't until I started to cry that he slowly brought himself to a stop. He didn't even look at me before turning away and going to his room.
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         Glen is worried. He's seeing the bruises on my neck. I don't know how to tell him. I don't even think I want to. God knows how he'd react and the last thing I want him to do is react with anger. He doesn't need to know. Not yet.
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         Harry is 17 and a half now. I'd forgotten about these journal entries due to the past two years being... inexplainable. He'd been... making advances towards me for the past two years. Ever since that night he first came home drunk. I'll never forget it because that's when it started. A year ago, it got worse. He started forcing himself onto me. He's been starting to hint to me that I'm going to be with him forever. He's hinting being with me like a husband. He believes that we're going to live happily ever after with children. To say that I haven't gotten used to it would be a lie; which is the scariest part of it all. I've been dealing with this for so long that it's starting to feel like an extra duty that comes with the job.
I've been dealing with him his whole life. I've made excuses and stayed. It's like Stockholm Syndrome. I still fear leaving him and Manon but I've come to terms with the fact that eventually, I must.
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        I'm pregnant. I didn't take a test, but I know. What I don't know, is who the father of the baby is. It's eating at me that it could very likely belong to the boy who I raised like a son and not the man I plan on loving for the rest of my life. I cry about it, every night since I realized. But the fact that my baby could be Glen's makes me realize that I cannot stall any longer. I cannot have Harry know that I'm pregnant, it would only dangerously intensify his belief that we're going to be an actual family. I cannot raise a child in this house. I'm leaving tomorrow night, when Mr. Thibodeaux is back.
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That was her last entry.

Honestly, when I reread this before posting and read, "I'm pregnant" I gasped as if I wasn't expecting it 💀💀.

The answers to the Q&A will be the next update. Tomorrow.

Do y'all seriously not have any questions for Kim?!