Big Book Of Sjips One Shots

Crashlandings (S)

TW: Based off Spacemen and the picture done by TricksterGodArt on tumblr (link in comments), Alien!Xephos, Alien!Sjin

It had been a few months since Xephos had first crashlanded on Minecraftia. With no communications or means of getting off the strange planet, for now, it seemed like he was stuck. He had made the most of it, learning the local language and even involving himself in local affairs. It had helped that he had met Honeydew so soon after crashing. Minecraftia, he had learned, could be a very hostile place, but on their adventures, Xephos realised he had a friend here, at the very least.

It still did not stop him searching the sky whenever they had a spare moment. He still held out hope that maybe this hunk of rock was not too far out of the way, that some other space-faring race would journey out this far. For months, the sky was still and serene. Xephos was beginning to lose hope.

Then, one day, a streak of light burnt through the sky. Xephos was already running, and after a bemused shout, Honeydew followed. There was a distant boom, and a pillar of smoke rose up on the horizon. Xephos did not let himself become discouraged. Even if it was another crash, perhaps this one would be more salvageable. Xephos was good at building, and even better at repairs. As long as something was intact from the crash, he could work with it.

He resolutely did not think about the fact that it could merely be a comet. An inert metal rock would be no use to him. He pressed on, aiming for the smoke. Xephos had no idea how long he sprinted across the treacherous landscape, nor whether Honeydew was still following.

As he neared the plume of smoke, his exhaustion caught up with him, and Xephos was forced to slow down. Honeydew was not far behind, panting.

"What's wrong, buddy?"

Xephos pointed at the smoke. "I think that might be a spaceship."

"And...you want to go home?"

Honeydew sounded disappointed. Xephos glanced over. Honeydew's eyes were fixed on the ground. For the first time, Xephos thought about what getting back into space would entail. For all the troubles Minecraftia had bought him, he had made friends here, too. Leaving them behind would be hard, he realised with a sudden sinking feeling. He could ask Honeydew if he wanted to come along, but that would not be fair either, he realised. Honeydew's life was here, on this world, and asking the dwarf to give that up for a stranger he barely knew would be selfish of him.

"Maybe there were people inside," Xephos bluffed. "We should at least try to help. They might not be as fortunate as I was at finding a friendly face around here."

At this, Honeydew brightened, remembering their first meeting. Xephos had been scared and alone and unable to speak a single understandable word, but they had muddled through finding a way to communicate that they did not intend each other harm and that Honeydew had food and shelter to offer. It could have easily been otherwise, with Xephos finding himself trapped by the numerous monsters of this world. Not a fate either of them wished on unsuspecting travellers.

The pair made their way more cautiously towards the smoke. It seemed to be coming from the centre of a small forest, and they moved through the trees carefully, mindful of any possible monsters that had sought refuge from the sunlight here.

They eventually happened upon a crater, still hot and setting smouldering fires to the grass around. In the centre of the crater was a pod; an escape pod, Xephos realised. The outer shell had been stripped away by entry into the atmosphere and the force of the impact, and even if it had been more intact, the tiny vessel would never have had the capability to break through the planet's atmosphere. Even if he had wanted to, this craft would not have gotten him home. He felt a curious mixture of disappointment and relief at the thought but pushed the feelings aside to deal with later.

Xephos noticed that the entry hatch was open, though the door itself did not seem to be overly damaged. Opened from the inside, most likely, which meant that whoever had been inside had been capable of opening it even after their rough landing. He could not see any sign of the craft's inhabitants, though.

"Do you think they're okay?" Honeydew asked.

"They shouldn't be too hurt," Xephos guessed. "I can't see any signs of blood, and that door would have to be opened from the inside. Maybe they went in search of help?"

Honeydew peered down at the ground. "Are those tracks?"

Xephos looked at the same patch of ground as his friend. Four individual footprints were side by side, pressed into the damp ground. Two were slightly larger than the others. Xephos assumed that there were either two bipedal creatures escaping from the craft, or an unfortunate quadruped with an odd spinal structure who had a particularly rough time buying shoes. The former was more likely, though Xephos had encountered some species who were positively bizarre by Minecraftian standards before.

"Seems that way. Let's follow them."

They did not have to track the footsteps far before they heard troubling sounds; loud yells and gasped breathing.

"Oh no! They actually were hurt!" Honeydew exclaimed.

They hurried forward and broke out of the treeline to find two humanoid figures, writhing on the ground in...agony? No, wait, that was not right. There was a grimace - no, a grin - on both their faces. There was not a scratch on them - their matching spacesuits were untorn, and only very slightly muddied where they lay on the ground. One - he wore orange trim on his suit and impressive facial hair - was flat on his back, letting out a breathless giggle. The other - wearing blue trim and a smug look - was close on top of him, supporting his weight with his arms. Neither had noticed their unwitting onlookers.

In wordless unison, Xephos and Honeydew ducked down into the foliage and out of sight, unwilling to be caught looking in on such a private moment. They could hear the spacemens' voices from their makeshift hiding places almost too clearly.

"I told you the escape pod would hold up," the orange spaceman teased.

"Yeah, and we still wouldn't've needed it if you had just behaved for five minutes," the blue spaceman bickered, though there was no anger in his tone.

"What? I can't help it if the captain's wife and daughter both had a thing for me!"

The blue spaceman gave a long, exaggerated sigh. "What am I gonna do with you and your irresistible ass, huh?"

The orange spaceman's tone turned low and sultry. "Oh, I can think of something..."

Xephos blushed - of all the possible spacefaring people to follow him onto this planet, why did it have to be a pair of sex fiends that he happened across? A glance at Honeydew told him that while his friend had not understood the particulars of the conversation, the positions the spacemen were in were suggestive enough for him to fill in some of the blanks.

"Um...we should come back later," Xephos whispered.

"Much later," Honeydew agreed, already slowly backing away.

They would keep an eye out for any monsters from a respectable distance and find out what the strangers had been up to after they had had a chance to...celebrate, and make themselves somewhat respectable. Xephos already had a sinking feeling that these two might be more trouble to add to his list of troubles on Minecraftia.

Credit to Mez10000 on Ao3