Big Book Of Sjips One Shots

Love Yourself (S)

TW: Trans Character, Trans Male Character, Nongendered Character, Transitioning, Teencast, Wedding Fluff

When Sips looks at himself in the mirror now, he was used to how he looked. It was comfortable, natural. He remembers with a careful kindness the young one he used to be, nearly crying when he had to try on dresses for school dances. He could smile, now, about the night he took scissors to his hair in a fit of rage, and his mother had walked in and seen him sitting on the floor of his room, his ponytail in one hand, the implements of destruction in the other. But with destruction came construction, came his slow transition into someone he could love.

The best and easiest part was freshman year of high school. It was a new life, in a new town, and it was easy to simply refer to himself as such. He wore bulky, androgynous clothing, loose trousers and comfortable sweaters. It worked, for the most part, until he started filling out. Puberty came knocking, with wider hips and a chest that was harder and harder to hide. Sophomore year was when he met Sjin. He walked into school on the first day, and standing out in the crowd of new students, both freshmen and transfer, was a six-foot-tall looker with ridiculous cheekbones and knobby knees. They were in three classes together, he discovered, and he spent the first week just staring wistfully across the classroom. He loved every one of Sjin's outfits- the long, velvet skirts with perfectly applied winged eyeliner, the plaid with sleeves rolled halfway up zir leanly muscled forearms (those forearms kept him awake at night), the ruffled blouse that looked exactly like the one Sips had tossed in the charity shop bag. It was so confusing, but so fascinating, that he finally got up the courage to go searching for Sjin at lunch. He found zir in a corner in the courtyard, attempting to digest the whole-grain school burgers.

"Hey, I like your skirt."

"Hey, I like you."

That stopped Sips in his tracks. "Wh- what?" he stammered. He was always one for keeping his cool, but as Sjin patted the stone planter he was sitting on and winked, his little heart squeezed up into a little ball and nearly threw itself out of his chest.

"Come sit! My name's Sjin. Just moved here from jolly old England. Go ahead, make me say something, everyone else's already done it." It was clear from zir laughter that ze really did not care one bit if Sips asked them anything, so he sat.

"Sips," he introduced himself, and they shook hands. They spent every lunch afterwards together, and Sips found zir easier to chat with than anyone else.

About three months in, Sjin found Sips crying in the men's bathroom, hidden under the ledge of the sink.

"Hey, Sipsy, it's really gross under there, don't you want to come out? Honestly, there's a reason I use the girl's bathroom."

"No."

"There're urinals in here. If I have to be standing here consoling you when a biological male comes in here and whips out his baby-making cannon, I'll be pretty upset, to say the least."

This got a laugh out of Sips at last, and they both went and hid in the stairwell, giggling about different words for dudes' fun bits.

"So," Sjin asked gently. "What were you crying about?"

"I- I don't look like a guy, Sjin. I'm chubby and curvy and I'm never going to be as confident as you."

"Yeah, you're chubby, I love it!" Sjin reached over and poked at Sips, making him flash a quick smile, but Sjin saw the way it faded.

The very next day, Sjin dumped a bag into Sips' lap.

"Maybe these will help, if I can't."

When he untied the plastic handles, he nearly started crying again. Inside were three binders and several tight undershirts.

"I didn't know your size, so I got several," he admitted.

Sips' memory skips over years, through their homecoming and prom- with each other, of course- and on to college, where Sjin got his architecture degree and Sips his business, their first days in the company, the day he asked Sjin to marry him. His mind dwells on unhappier things, the tabloids outing him, the controversy that had sprung up as if his past was any of their business.

There's a touch on his shoulder, and he starts, not realizing there was anyone in the room.

"Sips? Are you nervous? We need you out there." It was Xephos, well dressed, looking as comfortable in his suit as he was in anything. A younger Sips would have envied him, but today, they all envied Sips. He steps out the door and down the hall, waiting until his cue before walking up to the stage. He had given a million presentations, sat through a billion business meetings, but he was still nervous. This was like nothing he had ever done before, or ever would.

Gentle music wafts over the room, over the heads of all his smiling friends, and Sjin steps out. Ze's not accompanied by anyone, having made the decision to walk on zir own. It's symbolic, almost, for how they both really were alone until they found each other.

The dress draped over zir shoulders is magnificent. It seems lighter than air, waving gently at zir ankles. The heels, tipped with white roses, look painful, but Sjin always loved the way they made zir legs look. Every touch is deliberate, ze's even got several small daisies threaded in zir beard (likely thanks to Simon, their resident beard expert). Ze stops and faces Sips at last, and Sips can't decide whether it's his knees or his heart that is shaking the most. But Sjin takes his hand, and he stills. Sjin has always been his oasis in the storm. This is the mate he wants to spend the rest of his life waking up to, breathing in, living and loving and laughing with, and he's so very, very glad.

Credit to donotspeaktomeofdragonfire on AO3