Big Book Of Sjips One Shots

Unfinished Work (S)

TW: Angst, Cornerstone

It had been so easy to fall back into the same old routine.

It was always easy with Sips. It didn't matter how long he had been gone. A minute or two of slightly awkward smalltalk and they were back to shooting the breeze about nothing and everything all at once, just the same as they always had. Sjin had missed it immensely, and he wasn't afraid to acknowledge that. What he was afraid to acknowledge was another thought that had been swimming around in the back of his head since Sips had shoved his larger than life presence back into Sjin's world. The thought that it was only temporary. It was only a matter of time before Sips fucked right off again, leaving yet another gaping hole for Sjin to struggle to patch up.

This pattern had long since established itself, and Sjin knew that there was no sense pretending that it hadn't. This didn't stop him from trying to, though. He'd spent the days pointedly ignoring the elephant in the room, laughing and joking as if nothing was bothering him, because maybe if he pretended hard enough, it would be true. For a time it had seemed to work, but now he found himself lying awake in the middle of the packed row of beds, staring at the ceiling and trying in vain to think about nothing of more import than how god damn loudly Ross was snoring a few beds away.

The giant bed that they had formed had never really bothered him before, but now the presence of all of these people just felt stifling. Or maybe, he was starting to admit to himself, it was the presence of one of them in particular. Namely the gray skinned man beside him, who had shifted in his sleep until he was pressed against Sjin's side, and who's arm had just made its way around Sjin's waist to pull him closer. He was no stranger to Sips' tendency for sleep cuddles, as they had been a pretty much nightly thing in their many double beds, dating all the way back to the old hovel. Tonight, though, he just couldn't deal with it.

Carefully as he could, he wriggled free of the loose grip Sips had on him and slid down to the foot of the bed to get to his feet. A glance back showed that he seemed to have been successful in his efforts not to rouse anyone, which wasn't entirely surprising. With the exception of Nano, who was currently curled up against Lalna at the far end of the bed (there would be red faces and denials in the morning about that, he was sure), everyone here slept like the dead. Trott and Ross had even slept through Smiffy somehow fidgeting about so much that he was now literally sprawled across both of them.

Snorting slightly at the sight despite his less than positive mood, Sjin made his way downstairs and outside to sit down on the pliable ground of the slime island. The night was peaceful up here, with no slew of baddies and kitty cats out for murder, but it wasn't doing anything for the mess inside his head. Not that he had much time to try to sort out his thoughts before the sound of the front door opening behind him signaled the fact that he hadn't been as successful at making a stealthy escape as he had thought.

He felt without even having to turn around or ask that it was Sips, and this was confirmed moments later as the man flopped onto the ground beside him, squinting down at the ground below.

"You've got a pretty fantastic thing going here Sjin, it's gotta be said." Sips mumbled, yawning slightly. He didn't ask what was keeping him up, and Sjin was sort of grateful for that. He hadn't quite sorted that out himself yet. Letting out a sigh, he scooted closer to Sips in order to rest his head on his shoulder. The two spacemen sat there like that for some time, simply enjoying one another's company, before Sjin finally found the words to explain what was going on in his mind.

"I love you, you know." He began, because that was a fact that wasn't going to change, regardless of the rest of what was about to come out of his mouth. Sips chuckled, soft and low, and it really wasn't anything like the mild hysterics that his laughter usually embodied.

"Yeah... I know." His tone was as soft as his laugh had been, with a wistful edge. He obviously knew as well as Sjin did that this conversation wasn't exactly headed in a joyous direction. For a time, neither spoke again, before Sjin again found the words.

"I can't do this anymore. It's just... too much, y'know? Every time you come back, I let myself think... hey, maybe this time you'll actually give a shit. Maybe it'll be different. Maybe we'll actually do something we've set out to do, you'll actually want to stay... But that's never going to happen, is it?" The silence in response to this was answer enough, and after a steadying breath, Sjin carried on. "I know you try. I appreciate that, but I shouldn't have to beg just to get you around. Fucking hell, Sips, I mean... It should be a two way street, but it never will be with you. I get that. Your heart just isn't in it, and I know you can't help that, but I'm just... I'm done. I have to be, for my own damn sanity and well being." The response, when it finally came, was about what he had been expecting.

"...I'm sorry." No denials, and no excuses. Sips may have been the king of bullshit when it came to trivial nonsense, but he was always honest where it counted. Sometimes painfully so. "I like being here with you." This was clearly an afterthought more than anything. Not an attempt to argue that things would change, just another simple fact. It wouldn't change anything, and they both knew it. They were beyond repair, plain and simple.

By the time dawn began to break, Sjin was alone. He found himself staring at the foundation of the house that he and Sips had started to build. Yet another project that would remain unfinished, at least as a team effort. Swallowing the growing lump in his throat, he got to his feet and turned to head back inside, only to bump straight into Rythian. The mage was staring at him with a knowing look in his eyes, and for a moment, Sjin was afraid that he was going to attempt to start some sort of heart to heart about how he understood being alone. Instead, the mage simply shook his head slightly and headed for the newly installed elevator. "Are you ready to get back to work? The farm is not going to finish itself."

Sjin couldn't help a small smile. They were never going to be the best of friends, him and Rythian, but there was no denying that the mage knew him well enough to know precisely how best to handle the situation; namely by ignoring the fact that there was a situation to be handled at all.

"Yeah, I'll meet you down there. Someone's got to see to it that those lazy sons of guns upstairs get their asses out of bed. There's work to be done." Rythian gave a nod and was gone, leaving Sjin to head back into the house to wake up the rest of the loudly complaining crew. Just like that, everything was back to normal. It was as if their momentary guest hadn't been there at all, his presence seemingly forgotten in favor of the new jetpacks that half of his fellows were now zooming about on, loudly taunting those who hadn't been lucky enough to get some of the first batch.

Maybe eventually, Sjin would manage to patch up this fresh hole inside of him and forget about him too.

Credit to breakfastatmilliways on Ao3