Dear Evan Hansen one-shots!

Stop Pretending You're Okay, Because I Know You Aren't

LOL, this one kinda sucks. But I'm posting it anyway...

** AU where Zoe and Evan were dating before the events of DEH**

"Connor's gone. Evan he's gone." Zoe said. She ended the call and clutched her phone to her chest.

"Zoe, honey are you-"

"I'm fine Mom." Zoe said.

She sat on her bed and pulled her knees up to her chest. How many times had she curled up in that same corner, praying for Connor to stop banging on her door. How many times had she sat in that corner wishing for a brother who loved her but still teased her and picked on her. When Connor did it, it was mean and he hurt her intentionally. She had wanted a brother who would pick on her with love and affectionately pull her hair. Not some monster who screamed about killing his baby sister.

Cynthia sighed and looked at her daughter. The doorbell rang and she walked downstairs. On the other side stood Evan, who was breathing heavily.

"Mrs... Mrs Murphy... I'm s-sorry for your l-loss." Evan gasped. He had clearly sprinted down the street to get here. Cynthia smiled sadly.

"Thank you Evan. Zoe is up in her room if you'd like to see her." Cynthia said. Evan nodded and walked upstairs.

Zoe was lying on her bed, staring at the wall. She didn't look sad. She almost looked relieved.

"Baby, how are you doing?" Evan asked. Zoe didn't look up.

"I don't... I'm okay." Zoe said.

"What?" Evan asked.

"I'm almost relieved. I mean he tormented me. Evan he was awful. And it sounds awful but I'm almost relieved." Zoe said. Evan sat on the edge of her bed and looked at her.

"Zoe..." he trailed off. Zoe slowly sat up and grabbed his hands.

"I'm not my mother. I don't try to see the sunshine and rainbows in people. I saw Connor for what he was. He was a monster." Zoe said. Evan looked at her.

"But he was your brother." Evan said.

"He hasn't been for a while. He was the guy who tried to kill me every time he got high." Zoe said. Evan looked at her.

"Baby if you want to talk-"

"I don't. I want to sit with you and I want you to hold me. And I want you to tell me everything is fine. That nothing will change." Zoe said. Evan sat back on her bed and wrapped his arms around her. He kissed her head and she sat there, not moving. Evan started slowly rocking back and forth and she sighed.

"It'll be okay Zoe. It'll be okay." Evan soothed as he ran his fingers through her hair. She sighed and didn't move. She was in complete and utter shock.

+++

"Mom I'm not going to school." Zoe insisted.

"Yes you are Zoe." Cynthia said.

"No Mom. I need some time." Zoe said.

"Sweetheart... you can't keep using this excuse." Cynthia said.

"Watch me." Zoe said. She ran up to her room and locked the door.

"Dear God." Cynthia muttered.

Zoe laid on her bed. There was a purple pillow and she grabbed it and clutched it to her chest. She let her mind wander and she instantly thought of her brother.

She remembered when she was in the fifth grade and Connor stopped hanging out with her. Her mother had told her that was how boys acted towards their younger sisters and Zoe shouldn't worry about it. When she was in sixth grade, he started walking home on the other side of the street from her. Then when Zoe was in the seventh grade, Connor didn't talk to her anymore. He shut her out and he smelled like smoke all the time.