Mr. Han's Love Project (Jumin x Jaehee)

20: Mentally Unstable and Always Here

I am sick. I am in pain. I am DYING.

Please kill me.

Someone.

I'm trying to update the best I can but... that's not going well.

Here we go... I tried...

I also have a "YouTube" channel now. The reason why I'm using quotes over the word YouTube is because I don't think I'll ever use it for anything, but if I do I'll let you guys know. For now it's just there for no reason. Maybe it will have a purpose one day... ;3

Jumin got dressed and waited by the front door of the hotel for his assistant to leave the bathroom. She was still crying and she had been in there for thirty minutes, maybe even an hour. Jumin lost track of time, since to him it felt like she had been there an eternity crying over his own stupid insults. He leaned against the wall. "I'm sorry..." he whispered, his eyes watering. He didn't want to cry, he wanted things to go to plan. He slid down against the wall to the floor. 'Nice going. Your plan was to have her fall in love with you, not to say something like that!' Jumin mentally scolded himself. "I'm so, so sorry..." The bathroom door unlocked, and Jumin couldn't bring himself to look up. Instead, he hid his face in his knees and wrapped his arms around his head. Sure he may have looked childish, but he just couldn't look at Jaehee. He couldn't. He heard the door open and winced. "Mr. Han?" Jaehee whispered. Jumin heard her gentle footsteps as she walked over to him. "Are you okay?" She asked him. Jumin felt her touch his arm and he flinched. "Jumin, are you okay?" She asked more sternly. Jumin held his breath and looked up at her. You could tell she had been crying, her eyes were glossy and her cheeks were bright red. "Are you alright?" She asked him once again, now that she had his attention. Her voice became soft at the realization Jumin had been crying. Jumin just stared at her, shocked.

After all the rude things he had said, after that one comment that probably ruined what very little they had, Jaehee was still worried about him. Jumin knew that the way he was hiding in his arms must have looked as though he was having a mental break down, but if he were Jaehee Jumin would have ignored himself completely out of anger. But, even after everything, Jaehee still worried and cared about him in almost a motherly, wife-like manner. Jumin closed his eyes and held his breath. Comparing himself to Jaehee, he seemed heartless, cruel. After what he said, maybe he was. Did he deserve Jaehee? In his heart, he didn't. Not anymore. He wanted Jaehee to be happy with everything she desired, and Jumin frustratedly realized that he couldn't buy Jaehee her happiness, she was a genuine person. Down to earth, lovable, caring, considerate. Jaehee wanted the little things; to watch the stars, drink coffee, and watch musicals for hours upon hours on end. Jumin knew that Jaehee was the kind of girl who would want a man who was down to earth like her and for him to be soft and sweet, warm and cozy, which didn't match Jumin at all. He was rough and hard, cold and distant. If he wanted Jaehee to be truly happy, he'd have to back away. But in his mind, just the thought of Jaehee leaving him made Jumin possessive, giving him the kind of thoughts like tying Jaehee up and locking her away, keeping her safe and all to himself. Jumin knew he wasn't mentally stable, and he would probably do something like that of things got out of hand. He knew that if he even did a little thing such as stop taking his medication, he could do something to Jaehee without recognition that she was who she was. He wanted Jaehee's happiness, but with her happiness came a price — Jumin's sanity. He would just have to force her to love him, but Jumin knew that was also wrong. Maybe he really wasn't supposed to love Jaehee. Their relationship was the victim of "Doomed Love" as Jaehee would put it as she described the musical Romeo and Juliet, which of course Zen had the part of Romeo for. Maybe Zen should be with Jaehee, since they both seemed to have similar tastes. Jaehee would be perfect for Zen, but would Zen care more about Jaehee or his own looks? Besides, the thought of Zen having Jaehee made Jumin feel like slitting the white haired males throat. Maybe Jumin already lost his sanity, and it was just a matter of time before he broke and did something drastic...

"Jumin, I can't help you if you don't tell me weather or not you are okay." Jaehee said, snapping Jumin out of his thoughts. "I-I'm not okay..." Jumin stuttered out. Jaehee grasped his hand and Jumin quickly pulled away. "Jumin... please, let me help you." Jaehee said calmly. Jumin shook his head, getting to his feet. "You can't help me, Jaehee. I'm..." Jumin bit his lip, thinking about the mad thoughts that had been going through his mind. "I'm not safe." Jaehee shook her head, walking closer to him. "I'm here for you, always." She said. Jumin started crying. "J-Just stop!! I'm too dangerous!!" He cried out. "Jumin..." Jaehee whispered. She reached forward and gently laid her hand on his arm. Jumin pulled back again, backing into his bedside table. And almost knocking everything on it over. Jaehee seemed hurt at her boss's actions. She sighed. "You aren't dangerous." Jaehee said, tears welling up in her eyes. "You're... you're sick." Jumin knew when she said sick, she meant mentally. Mentally ill. Demented. Broken. When it came to Jumin's brain, he was more dangerous then a grenade. "I know." Jumin said. "And... I might hurt you..." He bit his lip, clenching his fists so they wouldn't shake. Jaehee shook her head. "No, you won't." Jaehee said sternly. "You wouldn't hurt me." "You don't know that." Jumin said, chocking up on his own words. He sat down on his bed with his head in his hands. Jaehee bit at her lip, tearing at its flesh. "Earlier, when I told you that I wasn't a dog," Jaehee said, sitting next to Jumin on his bed. "I was wrong. Because like a dog, no matter how many times you hit me or hurt me, I'll always come back."

"Don't say that!! It's wrong!!" Jumin said, turning to her with fearful eyes. He knew that if his mind took control of his very actions, he could hit her and hurt her, he knew he was dangerous enough that he could almost or actually kill her, and to know she would put up with that crushed his soul. "Just don't!! If I ever, ever hurt you you need to leave me!!" He said. He was stood up now, his voice raised, crying like a broken-hearted schoolgirl. Jaehee sighed, looking to her lap. "Jumin, everything I said last night was just me trying to deny everything. Because, maybe I was just trying to hide everything I was serious about behind anger. When you held me the other night, it made me angry because..." Jaehee sighed. "You were doing it as my boss... and maybe I... wanted more then that. I mean, you set my expectations to you having romantic feelings for me." Jaehee said.

"Are you saying... you love me?" Jumin asked her, trying to put two and two together. Jaehee shook her head. "No, I... maybe?" She put her head in her hands. "I don't know. It's complicated. I really just don't know how I feel about you yet, but..." Jaehee stood up and wrapped her arms around Jumin, pulling him into a tight hug. Jumin hugged her back this time, seeing no need for the struggle. "What I do know is that I'll always be here for you." She said. Jumin nuzzled his face into her hair. When he was holding her, touching her, feeling her, he felt sane. It was an indescribable feeling when a man so torn, so broken, so shattered as him could have the presence of one person to both destroy him and fix him at the same time. Whatever it was, he'd go to hell and back for the feeling. Whatever it was, he'd got to hell and back for Jaehee Kang.

Alright. I tried. Close enough, over 1000 words. Done. I'm gonna go take a bottle of Advil and hope I'll either get better or die. Love you guys 💛💛💛 ~TheWeeWeeaboo

나는 너를 너무 사랑해 !! 너는 나에게 세상을 의미한다 !!💛💛💛💛💛💛