Book Of Phan One Shots

Its Hard Sometimes

He sat in front of the window, his hair was pushed back, he never wore it like that. I wanted to compliment it but I didn't, instead, I sat on the bed looking at him looking at the road. The sun was setting and his family would be home soon, he didn't want that, "It was a nice weekend, we can find some other time to spend together." I mumble and he looks over at me.

His eyes are wide with sadness and I feel like I said the wrong thing, because this will be the last time we can spend together in a while. His freckled face that I saw smiling so much this weekend was replaced by a stone hard expression. He looks like that when he's about to cry, he's only cried twice in front of me. Once was because his dad had done something bad, he didn't tell me what it was but I could figure by the way he flinched when I hugged him. The other time was when I told him I loved him for the first time. I like to remember that stone expression, trying to hold back tears from happiness and disbelief.

"Yeah." He sighs halfheartedly, "I don't want you to leave, Phil."

"I don't want to leave." I reach out and grab his hand to provide a small amount of comfort, I try to at least, "Let's just try to enjoy the time we have."

I pull at his hand so that he is forced to look away from the window. We have an hour, I need to get his mind off everything, "That's smart." Dan admits and falls into my arms. I run my hands through his hair and down his neck. He nuzzles his head into the nape of my neck and I sigh, I don't know when I will be able to hold him like this again.

I gently kiss the top of his head and whisper, "I love you, you are loved, I love you." Because sometimes he forgets that, he forgets that the world isn't a dark scary place like he believes. There's love out there for him, there's love for him in me.

He shudders under my grasp and holds me tighter, his fingers twisting through the fabric of my flannel, "I-" His voice cracks a bit under the strain of holding back, "I love you."

He looks up and I can see a steady strain of tears falling down his cheeks. I lean forward and dry his tears with soft kisses. I kiss his left cheek then his right, then his lips gently. He pushes into the kiss and wraps his arms around my neck instead of my waist.

I lay my hands on his sides, a bit reluctant, I don't want him to still be crying. But he isn't reluctant, in fact, he's eager. He parts his mouth slightly and swipes his tongue across my bottom lip. He holds my head tightly and leans forward so that we fall onto the bed. The kiss is deep and passionate, his warm lips pressing against mine and then lifting away to breathe and then back again. He straddles me, trying to get as close as possible it seems. I feel his heartbeat through our layers of clothes and smile into the kiss slightly. His hands push against my shoulders and slowly run down my sides.

He's so full of want and love I can feel it oozing out of him and into me. He's infectious, the way he rolls his hips to get closer to my neck, how he bites slowly at my bottom lip as he pulls away. His lips find their way to my collar bone and he tugs at my shirt to try and get lower. He kisses harder to try and get deeper, he does this. He always tries to get the most out of everything, out of every moment, every touch. He will not let anything go to waste.

Dan bites at my jaw and returns to my mouth, he kissed the way you would expect in a romance novel and I will never get used to it.  How he can paint a picture with his lips, transform the bedroom into a wonderland.  His hands slip under my shirt and dig under my waistband. 

I push his at his shoulders and lift him away from me, he's still crying, I though I tasted tears on his cheeks, "Dan." I whisper and he collapses onto my chest, he's breathing hard and I try to calm him down.

"You're fine, you're loved, I love you."  I murmur again to calm him down running my fingers lightly down his arms, "you are beautiful and strong and I believe in you."

He nods and looks at me with his big brown eyes and rosey cheeks and soft hair, "okay, okay."

And that's the first time I heard him utter words that corresponding with him believing in himself.  I hug him tighter and promise to stay here as long as possible.

He needs me here as long as possible.

-I didn't edit this well so if there's mistakes, iM SoRRy-

An: eh another mediocre short one, goodbyes are sad even if it's for a few days and I tried to capture that feeling, I think it didn't come out that well but whatcha gonna do, (not write a new chapter bc I don't have time, ha)

Happy cedij 4/30

I will try to make them better because you deserve it, I'll try.